Is she just not who I thought she was or made her out to be?

Question

I've liked this girl (a LOT of details will be skewed for length) who was really shy, sweet and beautiful when I met her. After a while of us talking, she wasn't so shy anymore. She had told me at first she liked me, then later said she didn't like me. When I asked why not, she said she didn't know why. I made a mistake, I told a friend about how she told me (much later after the last statement) about her loving someone else (an entirely different guy) and not me to a friend and she found out and never talked to me again because I told him that. I didn't know I shouldn't have said that or I never would have. The boy that she talks to, the one she said she was falling in love with, (they never actually dated) doesn't treat her right. I noticed they'll walk into a room with only one seat left and he'll just take it, leaving her standing there. When he was trying to get her from me, he threw things at me and talked about wanting to fight me over her (I'd never fight over a girl)

(Unless it was to DEFEND her).. He's mean to her sometimes and I see her fussing at him about it. But he doesn't care. Later on they'll talk like nothing ever happened, the way we used to after something happened between us. I can tell he doesn't love her the way I do. I thought after 11 months of us not talking, she'd be willing to be friends again but she completely ignored me when I tried to talk to her. People told me she was being an immature jerk, the same thing I felt about the boy. they also tell me I'm a sweet person. Her sweetness is what caused me to love her, but now she's not so sweet (to me) anymore. The boy she talks to is a jerk. I wonder why she can't see that. I wonder if maybe she changed into a jerk, or was that always there and I never saw, or what could be wrong with me that she didn't tell me.

I'm not trying to talk to her anymore, I'm not doing anything for her birthday next week (should I at least SAY "happy birthday"?), I'm letting her go.

Answer 1

Well hun, I can safely say you've found a common breed of girl. She's the sweet, shy girl who loves guys who treat her like crap and couldn't give a crap about the lovely, sweet guy (that's you) who treat her like a queen. Your friends are right, she's VERY immature. She thinks her amazing qualities and love will win this other guy over one day. They won't. He doesn't care for her and probably never will but sadly, she'll keep on trying.

She treats you badly because she knows you care about her. That's sick but as I said, it's pretty common. You're the decent guy and alot of times, you get the short end of the stick. That doesn't mean to stop being a good guy, just realize that some women can't handle or don't want to deal with good guys. Inside, they feel like crap and think they deserve to be treated that way. You can't reason with that logic. She just has to go through being treated badly and snap out of it. That could take years!

Ignore her. I know you like her and everything but, have some self respect. Just like she's not going to win over this other guy, you're not going to win her over by showing her how much you care. In other words, care from a distance but, stay out of her life. She made up a lame excuse to not be your friend so, let her go. If anything, being around you probably boosted her ego (remember, she feels like crap inside). Basically, it's not you, it's her. She's messed up right now. That could be a result of being young and stupid, I have no idea. Either way, you sound like a sweet guy. Don't let this experience mess you up. Remain that sweet guy and you'll find a woman who cherishes that and won't mess it up. This girl ain't the one. She's too wrapped up in her own mental weirdness to realize she's sabotaging herself.

It's hard but, try to move on. Don't say anything to her about her birthday. If you care for her, do what she asks and stay out of her life. I know you don't want to but, it's better for you in the end. Believe me, she'll notice when you don't say anything to her. She'll wonder why you don't care and it will kill her (that's a GOOD thing! lol). Don't be her doormat. Let her get on with her life with this other loser. She'll realize soon enough that he's trash. Until then, go on with your life and do your very best to ignore her. Take it from me, that's the only thing her type understand. It sounds mean but, it's effective. Good luck!

Answer 2

Don't be a welcome mat. Now that you're interested, she's giving you a cold shoulder to see how far she can go. Take everything you've experienced with her, list it. See how much there is that's positive. If it's enough to make you happy, keep trying, otherwise, drop it. You'll meet a lot of genuinely nice girls in your life. You don't need the drama:) Good Luck.

Answer 3

Great. That you're letting her go, because, you have let her take up too much of your time already....