We have known each other for about 10 years, and we both promised that we would be in each other's weddings. He was in my wedding, but when it came to his it was a different story. I'm a larger size woman, and his financee was aware of this. She promised to accomendate all of the girls sizes with her dress choice, however she wasn't. All of her friends (they vary from larger sizes to very small) were taken in consideration (in my opinion) but I wasn't. It felt impossible for me to be in the wedding with her dress choice which I told her, and they didn't seem to care or mind. Now though we were very close at one time, I don't even want to go to the wedding because I feel very wronged. I'm very hurt.
2007-03-24 10:36:22 · 16 answers · asked by Sonni 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I WOULD TELL HIM HOW I FELT BEFORE IT IS TO LATE TELL HIM
2007-03-24 10:41:05 · answer #1 · answered by shunta w 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you are able to fit in the dress, you just aren't comfortable with the style chosen. Really, that's the case for a lot of people. I was in my best friend's wedding and had to wear a strapless dress that I was very uncomfortable in, but since she was the bride, I went along with it. The same thing happened to her when she was in her brother's wedding. She's a bigger girl and the rest of the girls in the wedding were size 2's. It's a hard situation to be in, but you really just have to go with what the bride picks, regardless if she's taken your feelings into consideration or not. If you're so uncomfortable that you will not wear it, talk to her and the groom together. Don't go straight to him or she may not appreciate that and get even more unaccommodating toward you. Just keep in mind that it's her wedding too and brides have strong opinions on what they want. Don't try to change her mind, just ask it something could be done like wearing straps, or a wrap, or having a longer dress (I don't know what your concern was so I can't be specific). You could even suggest that you change out of the dress at the reception so you aren't in it all night. Good luck with the situation!
2007-03-24 12:13:28 · answer #2 · answered by jennyss 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable that you're hurt, but it's NOT your wedding!
According to your note, YOU choose not to be in the wedding because of the dress style, the groom and bride did not leave you out. Why should the bride, (who did not make the promise to you) have to alter her goals and dreams and style for you? It was not her obligation, and although your friend made a promise, be realistic, he made a promise that
he doesn't have 100% control of.
I'm a size 18-20 and my best friend who is a size 2 asked me to be in her wedding with four size 2 and 4 bridesmaids. You know what? I said "No" exactly for the same reason you did - but there was no way in He** I would ever have expected or asked her to change plans for me, it is the Bride and Groom's day that they share with friends. I was honored she asked me to stand up with her at the ceremony. Considering the cost and stress and all the planning that goes on in a wedding, guests and attendants are lucky they are even invited.
You got married and your guy participated, how much alterations to your plans did you have to do? Was it as much as you are asking/expecting him to do? How can a "friend" like you be so held to a promise like that to the point that you would miss his wedding, his special day, because you don't think you look good in a dress? It's not about you and I'm sorry there's no nice way to say that.
If you want to be friends with him, just like if you want to be in the wedding, it is no one's decision but yours and you can't blame anyone for it. You decide your own actions and how you handle situations. If you want to be in the wedding, get the dress, if you don't want to wear the dress, leave the couple alone, they probably have 100+ other people to worry about, the least pressing is what YOU will wear.
Your friend's priority now is the woman he will hopefully be spending the rest of his life with - his wife.
2007-03-24 10:56:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here's what I think....you can take it or leave it.
Let's face it....women are much more involved in the planning of their own wedding than guys are. This is why it just wasn't an issue about him being in your wedding. You mentioned being a larger woman and that all of the other girls, including the larger girls were taken into consideration when it comes to the dresses. Was it that you just didn't like the dress she picked out? If this is the case, suck it up and wear the dress. This is your best guy friend's wedding day and his future wife's....not yours. Are you seriously going to miss being an intricate part of his day, over some stupid dress you only have to wear once? You're making a lot of unncessary drama for your best friend and if you care about him, you'll apologize and wear the dress she picked out with pride and love for your friend.
2007-03-24 10:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by chica_liss 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You might be hurt, but you are WAY overreacting. You mean there are no dresses in your size in the style she selected? Talk to the bride without all the attitude. You should be able to find a dress not only in your size but in a style and color that will compliment the other dresses.
I hate to tell you (and I know it sounds harsh) but most of the problem is your attitude. The bride isn't obligated to include anybody in the wedding party except the groom and parents, although most try to include the groom's sister or close friends. If the dress situation doesn't work out, attend the wedding as a guest.
2007-03-24 10:46:18 · answer #5 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could pick out your own dress that would still match the other girls, but make you feel comfortable. As far as your friend pushing for you to be in it, I doubt he's thought much about it. Planning a wedding is a very stressful, busy time and I'm sure you are not the first thing on his mind. He is probably not even aware of your emotions about the whole thing. Be a good friend and work it out with the bride and let him enjoy this special time.
2007-03-24 10:42:59 · answer #6 · answered by schweetums 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have no right to be mad. The bride and groom choose the wedding party, and if they decided to have only a certain amount and that did not include you, that is something you have to accept. She IS accommodating all the girls sizes with her dress size. You are not in the wedding party so she does not need to take your shape into account.
To not go because you were not asked to be in the wedding party is petty. Wear a nice outfit, go to the party and express your best wishes upon them, and have fun!
2007-03-25 03:01:17 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let the dress stop you from participating in your best friend's wedding. No one ever likes the bridesmaids dresses they have to wear. It's even more difficult to choose a dress that will (a) fit into the feel of the wedding (2) be a good style for XS to XXL, and (3) that the girls will like.
Suck it up and wear the dress. Take your feelings off your sleeve.
2007-03-24 10:56:14 · answer #8 · answered by Carol D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look at what everyone said but also take into account how hard it is to find a dress that will look goood on multiple girls, especially of all sizes. It's rarely possible, and theres always someone who's unhappy, but the bride is stressed and is probably doing hte best she can. Don't not be in the wedding because of a dress, its their day, and your unhappiness may stem because in a way your losing your best guyfriend, and his marriage will change your relationship.
If you pull out, it will hurt your relationship with him and his new bride, and is it worth it to completely mess up a friendship because of a dress?
2007-03-24 11:53:32 · answer #9 · answered by texas hearts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your are one of his closest friends lett him know and her know. It's not too late. She might be feeling whatever at the moment some brides do. And if they can't take you into consideration then do not be in the wedding. I know this is making you feel like F the wedding. I would not tell you to go because if I were in your shoes I might do not go either.
2007-03-24 11:11:38 · answer #10 · answered by snicker4274 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sucks that your friend didnt uphold his promise. In defense of your friend it sounds like its not him its his fiance. Some brides want to pick who is in their wedding party. Maybe thats how she feels. Is there any other job you could do at the wedding?
2007-03-24 10:51:50 · answer #11 · answered by AMANDA J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋