Boy asking a girl's parents if he can marry her?

Question

What's your opinion of it? Should it be done? ...Not really to ask permission exactly but more of a heads-up for the parents, wanting of their blessing, and also out of respect?

If you were to do it, how would you go about it? ...wait for the parents to both be home one night and go over there to talk in person?? Where would you do it (over dinner, at the kitchen table in causual conversation, comfortable in the livingroom)?? What if there are other children at home that may be around to make things uncomfortable??

Answer 1

our son-in-law came over and spoke to my husband. they were sitting out on the front porch having a drink and he said how much he loved our daughter, and how much she loved him. and that he hoped we wouldn't have any objections to their getting married. he spoke of how he wanted to care for her and hoped that their marriage would be as happy and long-lasting as both his parents was and ours is.
he showed my husband the engagement ring and asked if he could present it to her that evening in our presence.
of course he already knew we would be pleased but he chose to show his respect for our family by performing this little courtesy reminiscent of old world charm.
no need to tell you that our hearts melted!
and f.y.i. we are all middle income, w.a.s.p. and this isn't a part of an ethnic or religious culture and yes it is an antiquated idea, and yes it is up to our daughter who she marries, but i believe some of you younger ones are wrong - it doesn't show he has little or no respect for women. it shows he has a great deal of respect for family, tradition, and honor.
and we are proud to say that family values are strong in our little corner of the world.
if you are speaking of your own situation, i hope your man follows through, it is a charming, romantic and lovely thing to do. good luck to you!

Answer 2

My fiance did that. Since my parents are over 2 hours away, he called and asked my dad on the phone. It would have been a bit suspicious if he had left for a weekend without me :)

I feel it is a sign of respect to the girl's parents. It is not considered permission to me, but more of a "could I have your blessing".

I would ask the father and the mother in private (i.e. no kids around). If the father is not in the picture whether due to death or just not a supportive father, ask the mom.

Answer 3

My husband asked my father for permission and so did one of my BILs. It was a terrific sing of respect they showed for him by doing this. I prefer it. My other BIL did not and I think all of us in the family were a bit put off by it and I know my dad was very saddened by his choice of not asking for her hand. It wasnt like he was going to say no, it was just the principle of the matter. He would have liked to have been asked.

I prefer it, I think its a real sign of a classy guy that would do something like that.

There is no set way to do it, I think its only necessary to ask the father, but asking both is fine. But do it in private, it should not be some grand gesture in front of everybody because that has a tendancy to come off as insincere. My husband was in college at the time he asked my father so he phoned him one night from his dorm room. My BIL took my dad out for a round of golf and asked him on the course. There is no rule about how or where to do it, but its a good thing that it does get done.

Answer 4

I think it a charming, respectful and very nice thing to do. Years ago, it was considered rude and unthinkable NOT to ask for the woman's hand in marriage. Nowadays not many men do it, but I think it's wonderful if he wants to. I would make sure the parents are home and alone. No need for an audience when the man asks for the parents' blessing.

Answer 5

Traditionally,YOU would break the news to your parents first. Then both you and your girlfriend would arrange a time when you and both your parents would come over to her parents house to meet them.
With your girlfriend,and standing before them,(the living room will do)you would ask her father for her hand in marriage and tell him of your intentions. He might have a few questions for you too as to how you're going to support his daughter.Now,should he say yes,then there in the presence of both sets of parents it's where you get down on one knee and ask HER for her hand with the engagement ring and place it onher finger with everyone as witnesses.
BUT,traditionally,if the father refused to give his blessing,(he should at lest offer an explanation)then you and your parents are to leave and that would be the end of it.
Good luck.

Answer 6

If you want to do this, make sure the parents are alone. Call & tell them you would like a time when you could speak with them privately.

Some parents appreciate this gesture of respect.

One couple I'm preparing to marry; the guy did it in a letter as he was living with the girl and not in the same city as the parents. He likes tradition; they're combining a bit of traditon with the modern, for their wedding.

Ps. I just read Tess's reply. What a testament to her family & the son-in-law she acquired! She is so right.

Answer 7

It is really a personal preference. I know that my fiance asked my father permission to marry me before he proposed. If the guy you are going to marry is old fashioned, then it is an option. If not, then it's not required. I know my father was very honored that my fiance asked him for my hand in marriage. I wasn't even aware that he asked my father until after he proposed. I guess he asked while I was back in my room one night. Other than that, I'm not sure how it all went. I hope this helps some.

Answer 8

It's usually done out of respect and, depending on your culture/traditions, for a blessing.
The guy needs to call them and find a time to go over when they are alone - just casual. You do not go.

Answer 9

My husband asked my father for his blessing to marry me without my knowledge and I think it was the sweetest thing in the world. In fact, everyone in my family knew before I did.....

As for when and where......do whatever feels comfortable. It's not about when and where you do it....but rather the fact that you're doing it at all.

Answer 10

I would have to say that it just shows how much he respects your parents. Or dad! My fiancee asked my dad! and that was a huge thing for my dad. The two of them kept it from me and my mom, so it was a total surprise! But i would have to say it made the bond between him and my dad huge! My dad was very great-full that he included him, and that he even thought to ask him! So i say it just depends on how you are raised! But he made my dad feel very important!