my 14 year old daughter is depressed about her home situation living with her mother, and is now cutting.idea?

Question

she made me promise not to tell, and so far her cuts are not very deep. if I tell a healthcare provider, she'll be hospitalized and stigmatized, not to mention miss a lot of school. I can't tell her mom because her mom is unpredictable and I don't know how she would react. I fear she might say something like, "Who cares. Let her cut herself to death.", or, she might kick her out, or take her to the ER and have her admitted. How can I deal with this just between my daughter and I? she claims that Everyone is doing it.

thank you all for your thoughtful advice and encouragement.

Answer 1

im fourteen and i cut for a long period of time...
cutting is a way to deal with pain and it becomes addictive very very quickly.
ask her to stop and if she says she cant ask her to do it for you.
it will help her to know that someone cares .
as far as everyone else doing it....
thats nothing to be proud of.
let her know your there to talk to .

Answer 2

Everyone does not do it. Your a father and you have to behave like one, not a friend. Your daughter needs counseling but if you go to a counselor, they might have to legally report it. It seems to me that dealing with your daughters emotional upset should be the priority, stigmatized by being hospitalized is secondary. Maybe she needs to be hospitalized. If I were you, I'd research why kids cut themselves and if cutting warrants a therapist to report it by law, that should guide you about what to do. It's possible this is a cry for help before some suicide attempt and if you "kept it a secret" you won't be helping her any, regardless how nuts the mom is. One thing at a time.

In highschool, I knew a gal that did that. She was punishing herself. It's not normal. You might also want to learn a little about the difference between guilt and shame. Evaluate how you speak to her and think if the mother talks this way to her daughter:
Guilt makes you want to do better next time, it's about ones behavior "Oh, I shouldn't have done that, I did a bad thing" "You shouldn't have behaved that way. I love you, but your behavior is unacceptable." Shame makes you feel like sh*t, it's about how one feels about themselves "I'm a terrible person" "Your a bad girl, why do you always do bad things?" These kinds of statements could seriously positively or negatively affect your daughter. If you hear her make statements like that, or find yourself or the mother doing so, it's a clue.

Answer 3

Is there any way that she could live with you? She might be more happier about living with you and stop cutting. I think that you should get her to see a therapist so she can talk about how she feels. I've dealt with this before and they won't admit her to a hospital unless she's a real threat to herself. You need to get her help because trust me it will just get worse. She may end up seriously hurting herself or even kill herself. I have had depression for years and have overdosed on pills. I ended up in hospitals where people have cut themselves. You should see some of these people who have really bad scars from cutting. You should tell her that if she doesn't stop it's going to leave gross scars and people will think she's crazy. Get her help. Take her away from her mother and let her live with you.

Answer 4

Your daughter has serious emotional problems. I know you don't want to involve professional medical people. I don't blame you. In many cases, they don't have the real solution. Look up a spiritual counselor in your area. They will help your daughter without judging her, without stigmatizing her. She has fallen into her negative self and she will need help to build her emotional and spiritual strength. The counselor will help her build her self-esteem. They will tell her the root cause of her cutting and show the path out of it.

If everyone is doing it, there must be many disturbed people at her school or in her neighborhood. If it's at school, try to send an anonymous message to the school about what's going on. They should be doing some group counseling at the school. The students have turned the act of a deeply disturbed person into a fad.

Answer 5

It's called self mutilation and it is a symptom of other more serious problems, not necessarily a mental illness and no, everyone is not doing it. I think it's a down right shame that her mom might say something like that but you might have to tell someone professional to get her help. I won't go into details but I have some personal experience with it and can tell you that in some cases it leads to attempted suicides. I don't think you want that. Talk to a counselor yourself by using a hypathetical situation and then take it from there. Blessings!

Answer 6

your daughter is old enough to let a court know where she wants to live. there are other ways of getting the.. relief.. she is getting from cutting herself. Try working with her. If she is with you and feels the need go for a jog with her just long enough so her lungs or stomach ache, it is the same feeling she gets when she cuts herself only not as self destructive and she will begin to have a better self image. Exercise helps with depression as well, I should know. I was nearly in the same situation she is in but I didnt cut, I did other things.

Answer 7

coming from a 14 year old. not everyone is cutting. i don`t know any one who`s cutting. and there`s no way to settle this between you two alone. she`ll emotionally ill. and the only way to get rid of it is if you get some professional help. if her mom doesn`t care and kicks her out. you can use that against her to receive custody of your daughter. and also if her mom doesn`t realize she`s cutting herself, wouldn`t that prove how lousy she`s doing at her job?


but i`ve got to say. get help before its too late. show your daughter that people do care. let that person be you.

Answer 8

Okay, i know that it's not good that she's inflicting pain on herself but here's an idea that she can do that with out getting too hurt. tell her to put rubberbands on her wrist, pull them away from her and let them go. it's not as painfull as cutting the first few times but it get worse withour her being in any health danger. like i said, it's not good that she's inflicting pain on herself but at least this way she can do it without bleeding out or anything like that. she might get red marks but don't worry. she'll be fine. meanwhile, maybe she should get some help or something. i really hope i was a help.

Answer 9

Unfortunately in this generation it is common. However, common doesn't make it healthy. She needs the help of a professional counselor to help her deal with her feelings. She is misplacing her bad feelings of being out of control into causing herself pain. Eventually, she will cut too deep and can cause permanent damage. This can lead to suicide. If she was putting a gun to her head and just shooting a bullet close enough to singe her hair. Would you do something? Of course, you would. Wake up. She is putting a weapon, a knife, to her body to cut herself. Talk to her mother and get her professional help, before, it is too late.

Answer 10

Are you serious? She seriously needs attention or has serious depression. This is a very serious situation! What is going on that is so bad there? This may be a sign that she shouldn't living there anymore.. Does she have to live at her mom's? Can't she live with you? Get your daughter a pyschologist or something. Everyone is NOT doing it.

Answer 11

maybe it would be a good idea for her to see how easy it is to cut too deep.
have you asked her if she knows why she does it. if it's just cause everyone else is doing it then you should be worried about what else she will do that everyone else is doing.
it's good to stop this behavior soon, because it's addictive and the longer she does it the harder it will be to stop.try to get her to understand how serious it is. it's great that she was able to talk to you about it in the first place.