Why won't my daughter visit us or allow her children to visit us. Why does treat our family coldly?

Question

Seems like since my only daughter was around the age of 25, she began acting distant treating myself and our intire family. Grandparents Aunts Uncle etc. coldly and rudly. She is now 35 and has twin girls age 4. We are allowed to visit her which is about 3 1/2 hrs. away. She will not come visit us or allow our grandchildren to visit us. My parents mailed the twins some toys at Christmas. My daughter never bothered to go to the post office to pick them up. This is her grandparents who have only treated her with love. I have written her aletter about two years ago telling her that I love her very much. I asked to be forgiven for not being a perfect parent. I did the best that I knew how. She had a fairly normal home life. I did get divorced when she was 8. But she acts like poor me.Today I've tried to talk to her about how I feel, not allowing our grandchild to visit. I was told that if I was calling to make her feel bad, could I do that later. I said I'm only tring to express myself.

I really don't want to make her feel bad. I am tring to express our hurt. Her grandparents hurt. I can not change how she feels about us but I would like our grandchildren to visit us to have a chance to bond with us. She will allow her girls to spend the night at a home of 2 male friends. We have offered to pick her up or mail her a train ticket to come to visit us. But it's one excuse after another. We have brought pool toys all kinds of stuff for the girls for when they visit. But year after year no visit. Once when we went to visit her we drove around killing time because she told us she would be at work until 5. Then when we got there she said oh I didn't go to work today. This is the cold response and disrespect that she shows us. I walk on egg shells when we visit her choosing my words carefully. One wrong word will cause a verbal scholding from her. Why is she so resentful? What can we do? Should I just forget about my only child. Our only grandchildren. It seems that way.

Answer 1

my daughter started using drugs atleast 4 years ago.she is 35 now,and almost a stranger to me. she lives several states away and i haven't seen her for over 2 years. i can see my grand kids,because my son-in-law is a wonderful guy and encourages our relationship.as for my daughter i did every thing i could have possibly done for her. i bought her everything she wanted and more. it broke my heart when they had to move so far away(military) i just spent that much more on her and her family.i know now it was wrong to do what i did but i love her so much. she had everything going for her.popular,smart,and was voted most likely to succeed. she does have an excellent job and nice home,but she ignores me.my best friend told me to let her come to me,so now i never call her.if she wants to talk,which isn't very often,she will call. i wonder if there will always be this distance between us. my son-in-law and i have a very close relationship,but she checks his phone on the computer to see how many times he calls,and accuses us of conspiring against her so he has stopped calling. could she also be on "crack". that's what it sounds like to me.there are alot of similarities.

Answer 2

The family needs to stage an intervention. All of you should confront her face to face and tell her how you feel. Even if nothing comes of it, you will get it off your chest.

Answer 3

Was there abuse in her childhood? there was severe abuse in my childhood and my mother never made it right with me and on top of that she is worse now. i am not implying that you are abusive, but just wondering ...maybe she felt abused and not understood by you and maybe she feels that you do not validate her feelings.

Answer 4

try telling her without her children around

Answer 5

I'm sorry, but have you ever offended her by any way?