All my friends hate my stepson, what can I do?

Question

All my friends have stop coming over to visit because of my eight year old stepson is rude, obnoxious, whines consistently like a baby and his dad gives in to him. When my husband and I met it was just the two of us. We had all kinds of friends and would have get togethers every weekend either at our house or at a friends house. Now my eight year old stepson lives with us because his mother decided she couldn't handle him any more and all of our friends have stop coming to our house or haven't invited us to theirs in quite some time. The boy is rude to our friends, says very mean things and acts like a baby if he doesn't get his way. I don't know what to do anymore? Any suggestions?

I do play as a positive role model to my stepson. Yes it was just to two of us me and my husband and I have welcomed my stepson into our home, but he has affirmatively let me and his father know that I am not his mother and he did not have to listen to me. Of course my husband let him know that he did have to listen to me. The child is on focalin for ADHD and his grandmother is also involved in this as she tells the child that he doesn't have to listen to me either. With her input and the child's behavior, things are very hard.

Answer 1

Have you tried wiping his behind? Take parenting classes for you and your husband. The child may need discipline, structure and love. Try giving all those to him and if that doesn't work they make medicine for hyperactivity, see a doctor.

edited to add:

Sometimes spanking is the only way. You can try all the non physical means of discipline and sometimes they just don't work. My parents used to spank us and I came through my childhood just fine without any deep seated violent mood swings or a belief that violence solves the problems of the world.

My nephew is ADHD and sometimes giving him a swat on the behind and forcing him to sit in a corner is the only way to get him to behave. I do mean forcing. Sometimes medicine and talking just do not work. Sounds to me like the grandmother is a big part of the problem and your husband should talk to her as well as his son.

It is not an easy situation for you because while you love him and care about him you are not his mom. I'm sure you want what is best for him but the situation, his behavior and that of your mil is making the situation worse. I also suggest family counseling - first with just the three of you and then include the mil. Good luck.

Answer 2

Your husband, especially, has to be consistent with the child in his expectations and rules... treating you badly isn't good behavior. And i am sure you are good to him, and a good role model.

The grandmother doesn't live there, i hope. Your husband has to make it very clear to his son that he will abide by the rules and exhibit good behavior in your home... regardless of what anyone else says.

8 year olds tend to see everything in black and white... there is no grey area... i had cub scouts and without ADHD, they either like something or hate it, and the attention span was practically nil, if they didn't like the project or theme of a meeting... no grey area... frustrating...

Are you reacting to the boy's whining and other obnoxious behaviors, or do you punish him when this happens, and leave it at that? Perhaps he is seeking negative attention?

I wouldn't acknowledge his BAD behaviors, except to administer some sort of punishment, but praise his GOOD behaviors, like never before....

Have you thought about giving him chores and an allowance for positive things he does? Perhaps start a "family night" and let him choose the activity (movie, a game he likes, a hike or whatever). Maybe if you and husband can manage a little more family time, it would help?

I don't know your situation, but if you do things for him and offer praise when he behaves, and cease to react to his whining, etc., stick to your guns about rules.... maybe he will change?

If all else fails, perhaps consider family counseling? Maybe a third adult in the picture, talking with all of you could be helpful?


I hope things work out.

take care

Answer 3

Yes I would suggest your husband and you take parenting classes. There is absolutely no reason to have an eight year old controlling a situation like he does. Obviously its a cry out for attention. As far as your friends are concerned go to their home till you fix the situation. I cannot imagine this getting so out of hand. His dad needs to take affirmative action and spend more quality time with his son. And the way you said it used to be the two of us says that you may not be sending the right vibes to this boy. You bought into the son as well as he ispart of your husband. Try to be a positive role model. Please do not complain on how it used to be and stop making it out that your stepson is the devil himself. He is the child and you are the adults..reaffirm the roles..

Answer 4

You need to teach him manners. Take away his privledges when he is rude, obnoxious, or whines. After doing this a few times he will get the picture. Take him out to the mall or something and spend the day having him opening doors for women or the elderly and stuff like that. You also have to have his father to quit giving into him. He is learning that if he throws a fit his father will give him what he wants so that is why he does that. If his father stops doing it you will see the behavior go away.

Good luck!

Answer 5

First of all have a sit down with his grandmother and let her know you are not trying to take over the role of mother, but the child is living in YOUR home and he will have to follow rules. If she can not respect you or the wishes of your home she does not have to be in his life because she is making his life harder than it has to be by feeding him that junk. His father has to back you on your decisions as well even though it is easier to let the child have their way. if he breaks the rules give him one warning before following through with the dicipline of your choosing (time out, no tv, no outside, spanking.). It is not going to be an easy battle, but it will be worth it in the end when things finally smooth out. You can also try rewarding good behavior with special treats like taking him to chuck E cheese or bowling if he has respect for several days in a row.

Answer 6

you have to talk this through with your husband when you have plenty of alone time. He must have noticed both the decline in friends visiting and in his sons behaviour. its all too easy to overlook proper discipline when there has been a break up and the upset of moving from his mom, but its not an excuse. what is starting here has to be brought into check before he gets older and it escalates. No one likes being the "bad guy" when it come to these matters, but your husband does have to see the little boys behaviour isnt acceptable, and with a lot of patience and a little time he could straighten all this out. good luck, to all of you

Answer 7

Wow. i'm a step mom too. I unquestionably have some problems with my step childrens. Time has been a healer. i do in comparison to their mom b/c she's manipulative and a flake. She has this loopy theory that existence is meant to be particularly undemanding and in basic terms a occasion. different mothers that i know call her an not worth mom. they don't know the full tale. the 1st one that stated it took me by way of marvel b/c i'm not a mom myself. I unquestionably have fur little ones. i don't think of it rather is needed to your husband to truly spank his son. it rather is unquestionably shown to be risky. His habit and words can not and should not be tolerated. i think of he desires to have privileges taken away. i think of he desires to be in "time outs". No video games. take a seat in a nook and stew variety of factor. i think of it rather is obtrusive that he's having a not undemanding time dealing with this new undertaking that he did not %. he takes finished income of the subject concerns that adults are having. it rather is not achieveable for me so i'm slightly hesitant to advise it. yet i'll besides. i might choose to do this yet I do think of it would be a waste of time b/c the mummy does not care and could not make the attempt. She's lazy and do as I say, not as I do. She does not think of she's a undertaking. Fragile ego is what I variety of think of and he or she isn't sensible. take a seat with husband and his ex. talk approximately what could be performed to make existence much less confusing and unsightly. keep it "available". What could be performed. What the objective is. -- thinking of their son - your doorstep son - your son. performing like to blame adults. in all possibility what you will ought to do is discover the thank you to administration. it particularly is which you and your son will ought to bypass away (bypass out for apersistent, walk, etc.) while your doorstep son acts up. i can be certain a undertaking with that b/c it may in basic terms inspire him. How concerning the silent scientific care? Your husband desires to back up his verbal tirade with easily punishment. provide him chores to do. confer with him approximately his thoughts. tell him which you already know that he's in a problematic place yet particularly he's staring at negatively b/c he's concentrated on what he's lost instead of concentrated on what he has gained.

Answer 8

sit ure husband down and tell him how u feel and tell him he has 2 set ground rules or u real be tough thats no way 2 live or just call nanny 911 lol it was a joke hahha

Answer 9

I would send him back to his mother. This is a ploy by his mother to get back at your husband and screw with your marriage. Send him back ASAP. Also, I think a classic butt whipping might just be in order.

Answer 10

Spank him. Use a lot of threats, but don't use big threats until he knows you'll do it. And give him a look to associate with "You're being an ***, sit down and shut up!" to keep him in line when you're out in public.