I have been with this guy for 3 years. We fignt once in a fortnight but it is the only bad part of the relation, we almost get close to beaking up. He has different views about life. He thinks I flirt with guys when I don't really do anything with such intentions. This time it was creating orkut Id and adding guys as friends. Why doesn't he trust me? What can be the reason for his such behaviour and insecurity? Is this love or possessive ness or just narrow mindedness? I don't understand. I end up pleading for us to be together even when I don't think I did something wrong. I really have the time of my life with him when we don't fight.I really love him. I don't know what to do! Help.
2007-03-24 08:09:56 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks a lot folks. This is really helping.
2007-03-24 08:42:54 · update #1
We are in a long distance relation since the past six months. I think that is stressing us out. We are missing being with each other and fights are the sied effects.
2007-03-24 08:45:55 · update #2
he's possessive...but u couldd feel so too if u were him....tell him not to make a big deal out of it
2007-03-24 08:14:10 · answer #1 · answered by Alzin Dorain 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You two have been together 3 years and only fight once in a fortnight....Wow!That is great. You two just fight so infrequently that it is a big deal when you do disagree. I bet you two will work this one out. I found that posting questions here does help me vent..and then my love and I can resolve the dispute. He is secure about you, he trusts you. If he did not you would be disagreeing more. I think it is the whole going on cyberspace to chat to other people that is uncomfortable for men.
2007-03-24 15:16:39 · answer #2 · answered by newyorktilson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's either just insecure or had traumatic love-story/relationship. I'd be careful if I were you, cause this sort of behaviour might be the gate to opening a personality with severe oedypus complex, and could involve some unwanted abuse (verbal OR physical).
For the mean time, talk to him heart to heart and let him know how much you love him. Look him in the eyes while saying that, and behave as you speak :)
G'luck.
2007-03-24 15:17:39 · answer #3 · answered by Zenithia Victora 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is to talk to him about how his insecurities are affecting you. Let him know you understand the possessiveness comes from his love for you, and the insecurity of losing you. But that this behavior will only push you away. If he loves you, he should trust you. If he can't do that, it may be best for both of you to end the relationship.
I hope you two can work it out. Good luck! :)
2007-03-26 16:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to this question is within you. Ask yourself honestly if you are doing something to make him feel insecure. You have to be 100 percent honest with yourself on this. Now ask yourself if he is an insecure person. Is he confident with himself? The answer to these two questions will give you the truth. There are two possibilities: he is insecure and jealous, OR you are making him feel insecure by your actions. If you are making him feel insecure, you are doing it either consciously or unconsciously. If you are doing it consciously, it is because you are trying to control him or gain power in the relationship, or you deliberately insert conflict because you equate conflict with love. If you are doing it unconsciously, it is because you have a secret need to feel wanted by other men (even if you don't follow up on it) or you were taught badly by someone how to act around men. HOWEVER, if you KNOW in your heart you are doing neither, then HE is the problem and you have to decide if you can stand living with an insecure, jealous person for the rest of your life. If it is his fault, decide if you can live with it. If it is your fault, try to change. Only you know the truth, you just have to listen to your heart.
2007-03-24 15:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by bob b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been dating for 3 years. Surely by now, he would have accepted your seemingly liberal ways and you would have accepted his insecurities and possessive nature. It seems to me there's enough love there to have sustained the relationship this long (and hopefully, for many more years to come). If you're under the impression that you could change him, you're wrong...you can't fight nature. So if you could stand his unwarranted jealousies, stay on...if not, maybe it's time to re-think the whole situation. I hope things work out to your satisfaction. I wish you the best.
2007-03-24 15:41:43 · answer #6 · answered by Inday 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, from my previous marriage I can say that when he started getting extemely possesive and consistly accusing me of flirting and cheating on him, when I wasn't was because he himself was cheating on me and was trying to justify, even to just himself, that what he was doing was my fault.
I would speak to your boyfriend, aobut your feelings, let him know that his actions are making you question his motives.
One way or the other you are going to get an answer, if he is honest with you.
Maybe, he really is feeling insecure, then you could ask him what it is that he expects you to do to make him feel better about himself.
2007-03-24 15:17:04 · answer #7 · answered by willowlafaye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is jealous I would have to say that this is love that he feels for you. Tell him how you feel about it and that you aren't flirting with other guys. What I used with my boyfriend was telling him that I have guyfriends but he will always be my only boyfriend. The best of luck to you and if the relationship is strong, honesty will always work between you two!
2007-03-24 15:14:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it happens a lot ,...i was once in your shoes. but i'll tell you to keep calm, it's normal for him to do all these things if he really loves you..besides if he doesn't , it'll mean he doesn't care at all. i guess he's also scared of loosing you to other guys. i'll advise you reduce your level of interaction with your male friends for now...dont try to argue things out with him. it'l only lead to arguments and quarrels which you both wont like. so the best way is for one party to be calm which has to be you. so sit him down, make him know that you aint got anyone else. it doesn't really matter if he doesn't belive you instantly. but i know with time ..if you'r e patient enough, he'll come begging on his kneels. cheers
2007-03-24 15:38:07 · answer #9 · answered by Elfindo C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's all love, u can just scarifice things which he doesnt likes and make him understand that he's very important to u.This makes him to feel that he is very important to u than others.
This sacrifice is for a short period only.When he understands ur true 100% love(guarenteed love) he will not restrict u for any things.
When he is full confident on ur love,he'll adhere to your thoughts and wishes.
Do this ur life will be beautiful with him.
2007-03-24 15:25:20 · answer #10 · answered by devi d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not love. If he loved you he wouldn't be possessive. A bit of jealousy is normal but possessive is not. I work in a male domenated industry and could not be with a man who has trouble with his wife/gf having male friends. I've made more of them through the years.
2007-03-24 15:16:19 · answer #11 · answered by Babe 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋