...and says that he will help you financially but will not even try to be a father once the child is born. How would you react?
2007-03-24 04:00:03 · 11 answers · asked by lilcurious 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
You cannot make a man want to be a father. He is either ready or he's not. He may change his mind later, but it sounds like he's clear on it right now and being up front and honest with you, and that is a good thing. He's prepared to be financially responsible, which is always a good thing.
Your reaction is really not the point; your actions however, give you a few choices to make.
You can opt to not have the baby and deal with the psychological consequences that your guy will not likely share.
You can have the baby and stay with the guy in hopes that he will decide differently as time goes on or face the fact that you will be the only one raising your child in the relationship.
You can have the baby and dump the dude who will continue to pay support while you look for a father figure to have in your childs life.
You can have the baby and live a single mom life until the right man comes around while you continue to collect support.
Life doesn't always deal us the fairy book life that we'd like it to, and despite his responisiblilty in making a child....if he is not ready to be a dad, he isn't going to be a good one anyway.
Good Luck
2007-03-24 04:03:58 · answer #1 · answered by Cronides 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Gosh, thats why you discuss how you feel about kids BEFORE you have sex, and where you both stand on spanking, and your parenting technique ect. You shouldn't behaving sex anyway, I don't care if you are 12 or 40, if your not married, its just not something I believe in though everyone seems to bedoing that now: sex drugs, & sex.
Well, if hes not willing, then he is a jerk and not good enough for you anyways. How old are you? Have you finished High school or college? I would suggesting getting a job & seeing if your family willhelp you, being a single parent may not be a walk in the park, but even if you two wre still together, it still wouldn't be a walk in the park! lol. There are plenty of advantages to being a single parent, you can raise yur child how you want, you are the authority figure, more time with your child, and alot of other things to. If hes not willing to take responsibility or be a man then you & the baby are much better off without him. Well, I'm sorry I was probably alittle harsh. Its just I now several pregnant girls and they don't even see what sex leads to, they didn't think it could happen to them, but it did, but even ow they say after teh baby is born I"m going to go party, and just stupid things, they won't grow, up and face their resonsiblilties. Its sad. Well, You are looking out for the best interest for your child, so I'm sure you'll be a great mom. Best of Luck! . O, I'm sure at teh time that oyu thought that he loved you & you'd spend your lie together, atleast you have seen his true colors now & know he is not dependable, it could of been worse. Congrats &good luck
2007-03-24 17:07:22 · answer #2 · answered by Carly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all: how long have you been with this guy and how come you didn't discuss whether or not you BOTH wanted children BEFORE you were having unprotected sex with him? You didn't exactly use common sense in this case. How did he react when you told him? Did he expect you to murder your baby and get an abortion? With people having so many different views and opinions on children and all the things surrounding it, you honestly should have known better.
You have 2 (technically 3, but I don't believe in abortion and no my issue with it isn't religious based) options:
1. Keep the baby and raise it on your own with his child support payments helping out.
2. Give the baby up for adoption.
Those are your only options. If you want to raise your child you do what you have to do. You put yourself in this situation, now make a decision and do right by that child. That baby didn't choose its parents, but now it exists so suck it up and be a mommy or pass the job on to one of the millions of infertile couples looking to adopt.
If the father doesn't want to be in the picture, then you can't make him. Obviously he doesn't have the cajones to be a man and step up to his responsibilities. For a male influence in his life, pick a friend, uncle, your father, grandfather, etc. Someone who has a good head on their shoulders, has good values and did/is doing well in their life.
Single motherhood isn't exactly a new phenomenon. There's support groups, classes, assistance programs and even big brother and big sister programs to help give children the most balanced life that you can. Just let the child know that you love them, be the tough guy and the kissing booboos person and when they ask where their father is, tell them the truth. Don't ever let your child think it was their fault that their father didn't want to be their dad.
I wish you luck. Please don't screw up that kid.
2007-03-24 11:26:09 · answer #3 · answered by morgnarose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have made you aware of this before you two became sexually involved.
It would upset me but you know, once the pregnancy goes on and the little lady / little man is born, you may see another side to this guy. I am not trying to give you false hope but, i have seen what a child can do to and for a person. I have seen a baby / child, soften the hardest of hearts.Do not let it stress you to the point that it will interfere with your pregnancy.If you are happy with having a baby , enjoy.
2007-03-24 12:50:20 · answer #4 · answered by shyone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tell him "Too late, you ARE a father!". Then let him take whatever role he desires. If you're unmarried and pregnant YOU must assume all responsibility for your child... You are lucky he is stating that he'll provide financially. Keep your chin up though, as most men have this knee-jerk reaction and then come around of their own accord: people start congratulating them, telling stories of how wonderful parenthood can be. etc.
Time may be all he needs to get it right! Good Luck
2007-03-24 11:07:35 · answer #5 · answered by Robin B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am surprised, seeing that he is long-term, that you were not aware of his desire to not have kids. However, it is good that he is willing to provide financial support. I would try and involve him in the pregnancy as much as possible. Have him go with you to your appointments, pick out furniture, clothes, etc... He may change his mind when he realizes that he is going to be a father. Good luck!
2007-03-24 11:21:28 · answer #6 · answered by Mia1385 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ultimate decision is yours. I would react by keeping my baby and if he wants to support it financially got to child support that way once its ordered he cant change his mind.
2007-03-24 11:04:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a jerk for having unprotected sex. You are a jerk for not protecting yourself. Now you're going to have a child who will pay the price. I hope you aren't any more angry with your boyfriend than you are with yourself. For every action there's a reaction. For every decision there's a consequence.
2007-03-24 11:05:55 · answer #8 · answered by missingora 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'd be crushed.He should've told me he wasn't ready for kids earlier.That we, he could have actually used protection.
I'd still be friendly with him even though I was pissed inside.At least he's trying to support the baby.I'd assume he'd get attatched to it eventually.
2007-03-24 11:07:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
be thankful that he's willing to help financially. I'm surprised you didn't already know that he didn't want kids.
2007-03-24 11:05:59 · answer #10 · answered by Babe 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋