What on earth can I do?

Question

Recently my former girlfriend discovered I had been lying to her about my age and occupation. We met online four years ago. I initially told her the truth but I had a second nickname etc I had been using a couple of years. I also spoke to her under that nick, but told her who I was. As time has passed she had forgotten that I did tell her the truth, way back then, instead believing what she saw me say to others. I felt I had no choice, I didn't want to lose her, and I couldn't manage to tell her the truth... until after we met. Things went too well, I couldn't tell her while I was there, and she figured I was lying to her about something and confronted me online when I got home. Initially we stopped talking. And then started again. For about a month. She still told me she loved me, and missed me, but then two weeks ago cut contact, and called the police on me, claiming I was stalking her when I tried to stay in contact with her. I wanted to marry this girl... I miss her so much.

As I said - what on earth can I do? I do not want to lose her. I've gone nearly a week without any contact and it feels like fifty years. She actually posted a question here, about this situation, and I only came across it recently, but ... according to that, she seemed to think I'd told her I'd lied about -everything-, my past history as well as occupation/age. That isn't true. -All- I lied about was my occupation and age. I -know- that was wrong, but there were reasons, and it was not -her- I wanted to lie to... I just couldn't see a way out. The past two years I've suffered with panic disorder, and only when I met her did my panic cease... as if I'd found what I'd always been looking for. I had no fear of anything but losing her when I was with her.

I honestly love and adore her, and cherish every instant I spent with her...I'm afraid I'll never see her again now. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid if I try to contact her, she'll call the police again.

Since I live with my mother, her boyfriend, and a mutual friend, albeit paying a quarter of the rent, I can't afford to have the police turn up again. I know there's no way she could prove I -have- stalked her - I mean, seriously, it's a ludicrous accusation on so many levels... but I understand why she did it. We have a history together both very complex and in places tumultuous... but I know she always loved me. There's no question of that. But I don't know what to do to make this right.

I could contact her, through a mutual friend who understands the situation (and doesn't understand why my ex is doing this), if need be, but... I don't know if that's the right thing to do.

Despite everything this is the woman I want to marry... I've tried to deny it, to move on, many times before... I never can manage it. She's all I ever dreamed of and I'm so lost right now.

I'd like to point out that I lied about a) age, b) occupation. Nothing else was a lie. Nothing I did or said other than that was a lie. I -was- myself - I just said I was older.

Believe me, I understand that I shouldn't have done it. And if I had been -capable- of telling her that I had told the initial lie, I would have. But you see, I honestly was not well. I had panic attacks continuously for -two years-. My life was, quite literally, hell. She was my only calm place, the only person I trusted completely... I didn't dare risk losing that, and whenever I tried to tell her, I would get such terrible panic attacks... she doesn't entirely know about the extent of how bad I was with those. I was embarrassed to tell anyone. :(

I'm honestly not a bad person. In all other areas I was probably the best damn boyfriend she could've hoped for... and I'm not being egotistical, either. I'm a good guy - I just put myself into a situation I couldn't see a way out of.

To the answerer who spoke about betraying trust, and how I'd feel... I know how I'd feel. She DID betray my trust. Way, way back, she cheated on me, and although I was very hurt, and very much afraid of the possible meanings of that, I strove to listen to her and understand why she did what she did. Nor was I alone in lying. She lied about her bodyshape for some time, although she did admit it before we met... but what's the difference between lying about appearance and age? I truly don't see one. So I do know how she feels. It was not easy to overcome... but I did it because I love her.

And no... this does not mean she did not love me. Not only did she tell me often and honestly, but I saw it in her eyes when I was there with her. Hell, a stranger could've seen it between us, the way we looked at each other.

Answer 1

Once a girl calls the police on you its pretty much over. The point really is you should never have lied to anyone online or offline, its not right and now you may have lost someone that you really cared about. Just remember to be yourself.

Answer 2

Write her an email and tell her exactly what you said here. Tell her why you lied and leave nothing out. Tell her you will willingly answer any questions she might have honestly. Then leave it in her hands and be patient.

Answer 3

i think you must talk again to her ...
before you marry this girl you must to think properly, are you sure that your life will be good if you marry her ? are you happy if you marry her ??? and how about your future if you marry her ???? you must think this seriously, and i think you must apologize to this girl twice and you must tell her that you're serious ! because woman actually don't like to be lying the lie from man ...
this just that i can help you (I'm sorry, my English isn't good enough )

Answer 4

you betrayed her trust, what do you expect? how would you feel if she had done this to you?

if there is a next time,, don't lie.