One just turned 18 and she leaves terrible messes in the kitchen and in the bathroom. She uses things up, not leaving any for the rest, she breaks basic rules, and she lies terribly to her father, denying that she does anything wrong and blames the messes on her brother. I get angry, but I keep it to myself. However, I take passive-aggressive means to solve the problems without confronting her because I know she's only lie about it, blame someone else, and start crying and run into her bedroom, slamming the door.
For example, she leaves dirty Q-tips on the bathroom counter, and messes from ramen noodles in the kitchen. So, to solve the problem I took away the Q-tips and hid them in my bathroom and took the ramen noodles away too. My husband doesn't know what to do, but wonders how many things we can take away.
Should I write her a letter to tell her how her leaving messes makes me feel?
Or should I talk to her face to face even though it'll really upset her.
2007-03-24 03:15:53 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Talk to her face to face....she very well may cry...because she's smart and has learned that behaving and reacting in that manner when she doesn't get her way gives her attention and then she gets what she wants. She sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do emotionally...and divorce and parents re-marrying can often have that effect on kids and can carry over into adult hood. However, if she's 18 and still doing this, she's well on her way to lots of problems down the road! Talk to her calmly and tell her what the rules are....that the rest of the family is not going to pick up after her....or be blamed for her mistakes. Her Dad needs to take more of an active role in dealing with her too. If the downhill spiral continues...maybe you, your husband and her should sit down and talk about her getting a place of her own....she's 18 and doesn't sound like she's anywhere near ready to accept responsibility for herself....but I think her tune may change if she has to take care of herself. Another option in the meantime...is every time you see something that she leaves on the floor or counter...put it in her room....it won't take long for it to look like a pig stye...and if that's the way she wants to live behind closed doors...so be it...the rest of you don't have to look at it!
2007-03-24 03:51:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem really angry at her. I take it yours is not a happy household? Really, she does no more than any other teenager - most of them behave in exactly the same way.
I'd hide the q-tips, because I hate that too, but so what if there are a few noodles on the counter. I'd call her and ask her to clean them up. My 14 year old very seldom runs to her room, slamming the door. And never over something so minor.
2007-03-24 03:46:03 · answer #2 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Over night she turned into a slob? I doubt it. Now all of a sudden it is bothering you? Being a step kid and seeing a woman other than your mom has to be really rough!!! If possible I would give her one bathroom an let her live in it as messy as she wants to be. It that is not possible I would give her a basket of her bath products. She has to cart it back and forth from her bedroom to the bathroom. Anything left behind gets simply tossed into her bedroom. A mess on noodles left in the kitchen gets tossed into her room too.
2007-03-24 03:38:42 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
apparantly this behavior has been ignored in the past, it doesn't start over night... Rules must be set and chores assigned, with consequences if not done... this is the important part... kids know no boundries if parents do not set any... becoming responsible is expected not an option... set up the family meeting, and be prepared to be the kid police for a while... never yell or lose your temper, this is meaningless... give directives in a normal voice and always end anything you say with, I love you...
2007-03-24 03:45:40 · answer #4 · answered by prop4u 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, DO NOT CLEAN UP AFTER HER! She has you trained and is treating you like a maid, not a mother. Secondly, if door slamming is a problem, remove the door! She can have it back when she proves she can act like a civilized human. Remind her, she is 18 and can leave home any time she wants. As my wizened Father once told me, "As long as you are living under MY roof....."
2007-03-24 03:30:38 · answer #5 · answered by sparkletina 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to both sit down with her and talk to her as a team. Don't talk AT her, but talk with her, and if she tries to run into her room, follow her. You might be surprised at the response you get, if you treat her like your equal.
2007-03-24 03:21:12 · answer #6 · answered by TNP Girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to stop hiding things and set her straight as to who the boss is in your house and how you and him aren't raising pigs. If she cries so be it, tell her that mess will be waiting right there for her to clean it up so hop to it.
2007-03-24 04:04:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her dad...I would leave the mess for him to see and for her to pick up, i wouldn't pick up after her...Hiding the stuff will work for a while, but how much storage place do you have???
2007-03-24 03:25:53 · answer #8 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband, and talk face-to-face to your daughter.
2007-03-24 07:59:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋