It's the usual: it's not him, it's me. I can't think of being with anyone else, or losing him, and I have been wholly loyal for 4 years... but how can you commit for the rest of your life when you love the chase and being chased? Are you destined to be forever single, or are you just normal and having to make a compromise to settle down?
2007-03-24 02:52:22 · 23 answers · asked by starry eyed 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To clarify for the growing up/immature comments - do those who are mature and happily married never miss the rush of a first kiss, first slow dance, first passionate night, etc? Could marriage been seen as an exchange of those "firsts" for lifelong love and fulfilment? Or do those happily married not miss those things at all (and therefore should I start worring)?!
2007-03-24 05:35:47 · update #1
Sure - everyone loves the thrill of the chase-- oh boy did I love it... But I also love thinking of how my husband and I met- everything we have gone through together... - SURE you think of your first kiss... first time together... how it may "never be the same" and yes - sometimes it can be repetitive- but other times he can totally knock your socks off out of the blue.... LIFE is just that way.
But if you have been constant & loyal for four years... how are you being chased or doing the chasing?? You should be used to having him & him only by now...
If you are not ready to commit- please do not commit. Too many people get married because they "should" or it's been long enough... A relationship IS a compromise... marriage is a choice (between two mature adults). You should not go into a marriage with any doubts/fears... if you need to - talk to a third party - anyone outside of your situation- so you can get a better feel for WHY you feel this way. You may realise that he just isn't as perfect as you thought & that this is your defense mechanisim waving the red flag. :)
2007-03-24 06:14:34 · answer #1 · answered by Fiddle Dee Dee... 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I thought I would never settle down with any one man again; I married very young, and it was a disaster. It was also very difficult to get out of it; it took 12 years; my husband was a control freak. I went wild for a few years, had relationships, affairs, loved 'em and left 'em. then I got stung very badly emotionally - I fell for one of my flings, and he was married. Went into hibernation vowing "never again"
I met my current partner 10 years ago - I'm 53; I led him on a chase, I didn't want to be tied. On the plus side, I have someone in my life who loves me deeply, knows all my faults and failings and loves me anyway; sex is really special with him; OK there are no waves crashing against the shore anymore, or the earth moves very rarely these days! But kindness and caring are virtues beyond price. I decided four years ago I would stay with him. Yes, I occasionally think about the thrill of the chase and all those things you mention.
Maybe you are not ready to settle with anyone yet, and that's fine too. Maybe you never will.
There is a small part of me that gets a bit panicky when he mentions marriage; he's not pressuring me - but I think I feel better for knowing the door has been left open, if you see what i mean....
2007-03-24 10:37:54 · answer #2 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently you aren't totally dying for the thrill of the chase, because you have been loyal for 4 years. It's time to poop or get off the pot, babes. If you can't see yourself with anyone else, then be true to yourself and stay in the relationship. However, if you really think that the thrill of the chase is going to keep you going for the rest of your days, then do us all a favor and move on. The thing about maturity is this: you have to be willing to say some things to yourself that you may or may not be ready to hear or admit. It is not fair to your mate, or any other potential mate you may have, to only invest a "part" of yourself in the relationship. 4 years is a long time in the dating world, especially in this society where we change sexual partners faster than we can change our underwear (sad...).
Nobody on here can tell you what to do with your life but you. Settling down should never be a compromise, either.
Good luck to you in your life's decisions
2007-03-24 04:38:39 · answer #3 · answered by lilenme02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is the way you feel, then you have no business getting married. You'll be bored in a couple of years. Only when you've matured and you're ready to make a lifelong commitment to somebody you can build a life with, will you be ready to get married. I just hope that by then you won't have lost what sounds like the man of your dreams.
2007-03-24 03:47:24 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are both happy with just living together, then don't bother with the pieces of paper and the "Married" title, but if you are going to have kids then you should consider getting wed -pledging to stay by one another.
The trouble with a lot (2/3) of marriages, is that they end in divorce after a few years -this may frighten you off taking the plunge, but children do need the security of two parents, despite what other people may say.
Good Luck in Love and relationships.
2007-03-24 03:06:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love the chase - then do not settle down and marry. You will be bored in 2 years and start looking around for another thrill.
But close your eyes and imagine him married to another woman. Picture him holding hands over a candle-lit table. If you screech at the thought, then marry him. You can't expect the poor guy to stay single for ever.
2007-03-24 02:57:25 · answer #6 · answered by celianne 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you still feel the urges of wanderlust then he cant be the one can he?
I truly believe that if and when you find Mr Right then you wouldn't want to be chased by other men or feel the need to chase after other men.
If you have these urges then don't marry the poor chap.
But remember age will catch up with you one day and you don't want to be sat there drinking alone thinking...if only...
2007-03-24 05:23:31 · answer #7 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as the perfect guy/gal Ever one has there flaws. It's about a fit. If you are lucky enough to find someone you get along with, have the same goals/ interests, there is an attraction and they feel the same about you then go for it. No one is perfect and I think you just have cold feet.
2007-03-24 03:04:18 · answer #8 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure the rush of a first kiss will go away but the thought of being with a man that will make you smile , make you happy & all things like that will never go away if it is true love, you should get that rush from one glance at him , the mistake people make is getting married before both partners are ready , sure he may be ready but your are not,if he waits for you then you shouldnt doubt him once then its obviously love
2007-03-24 06:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by LiL_mZ_Sa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not ready to settle down if you still feel the need to chase and be chased. You also do not love this man the way he needs to be loved because you are not ready to give all yourself to him yet. you also have to consider your own life is he truly the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with?
2007-03-24 03:04:35 · answer #10 · answered by PRICILLA B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋