Is abuse ever fair? Did I deserve this treatment?

Question

One of the major themes of my life has been suffering.

I experienced a significant amount of it over several years, from early childhood on. From parents, teachers and even a couple of close friends.

During my formative years, my mother was irrational, emotionally volatile, and physically abusive. She was THE major source of intense, negative drama at home.

I have now adjusted well, after 7 marriages and 6 kids.

But yesterday, it all came back to me in a sudden moment. I called Dr. Laura and asked her why she is so rude to those who call. She abruptly went to commercial, and while off the air, YELLED at me as though she were my mom.

I broke down and sobbed for nearly 15 minutes. I'd thought that my dark days were over, but no...they are here, inside.

What can I do to erase the dread I have within my memory?

Please, someone help me.

HOW DO I FORGET MY HELLISH PAST?
.

Answer 1

Don't dwell on the past. Your mother was physically abusive, but that was the method back then. I used to get belted by my father, I just accept that that was the only way he knew how to discipline .
People treat you the way you allow to be treated, (granted their are a lot of bastards out there), but you must start standing up for yourself now, otherwise people will continue to treat you like dirt.

Answer 2

Long term abuse leaves many scars that are difficult to heal and can often be triggered by things we aren't even consciously aware of. Therapy can help in many ways by giving you the opportunity to explore the schema that the abuse left and actively change it through cognitive restructuring. Otherwise there is a tendency to repeat the past and view the present through the lens of the past.
It sounds as though you are bothered by some rather specific memories and may experience flashbacks and possibly other symptoms of PTSD, some of which are often subtle, EMDR can greatly accelerate the healing process if you are currently in a stable environment (non-abusive) and are able to refrain from self-destructive behavior. Find a therapist with experience in treating trauma, and preferably one with training in EMDR, and seek treatment.
Dr. Laura has a goal of being clever on camera rather than helpful and there is no therapeutic bond with someone like her. You need to seek support from a real therapist who's goal and focus is on your recovery.

Answer 3

From everything you have said here, you have not adjusted.

You cannot erase or forget anything, you have to deal with it and try and put it behind you. What is past is past, tomorrow is a new day, look to tomorrow, don't look back to yesterday.

Find a good Mental Health Professional, and talk to them, they may have some helpful suggestions on how to deal with your past. Forget about Dr. Laura, find someone who is interested in helping you, not how to attract advertisors.

Answer 4

I have some similar memories and I often dream about them too. Basically after having a LONG 10 year memory eraser problem (heroin) Now I just absolutly REFUSE myself to think about it. When a thought comes in my head, I play this game with myself and I start thinking of funny songs, or I'll count, anything like that to get it out of my head. I'm sure therapy would help, but I'm just not that kind of person, I think talking about it would make it worse. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Your first step is therapy. Most towns have a local mental health outpatient program. This is not something that a family practicioner is trained to deal with. You need a specialist. I have been in therapy for well over a year now and my therapist has helped me more than anyone ever could have. I wish you all the best.

Answer 6

I'm a nurse and a Christian. I am so sorry for your life's experiences. I would seek the advice of a doctor for assistance. You deserve to be treated with respect. I know this is a very difficult time for you but try to focus on the good things about yourself I'm sure you have many wonderful qualities, after all you did manage to have 7 women to fall madly in love with you. You know many people look all their lives for just one person to love them. Have faith in yourself, you can and will get through this. Take care and all the best, I'll be praying for you.

Answer 7

FIRST: Well sometimes the KEY is to make peace with your past by GETTING any "wongdoers" to realize their wrongs.... including YOURSELF... I mean if you did things that were wrong... well so as to say face the mirror and check yourself in for an SELF-EXAM.
www.facing-abc.20fr.com

Then maybe you realize that YOU ARE OUTNUMBERED and you have to "seek refuge" elsewhere and among other-parties... if you are ever to BE HEALED and live any kind of normal-peaceful type life....

Each situation is different... I hope for PEACE to come to you and to ALL CREATURES.... to all a goodnight in dreams

Answer 8

I am really sorry.I donot know how to say now.I am younger than you and not experienced much as you did.I just can say that be believe in yourself,everything is gonna be ok now and nothing is impossible.Donot try to forget it,let yourself go all the way through it.Now you r deep in it,so feel it,touch it,experience how bitter it is but DONOT let it control you.Be yourself.That what i did in my hard time.Good luck.

Answer 9

Abuse is never ever fair no matter what happened in the past it souldnt be reflected on you if your mom or dad ect abuses you they need help right away nobody wants to grow up being abused because it can lead to tham abusing their children and so on and so on. So no matter what if your being abused find out about your moms past to see what reflected her to do this crul thing. The second step is to get help RIGHT AWAY.

Answer 10

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