How can I leave the Mormon church?

Question

Why is it so hard to do this? I get the feeling that I will need to testify before congress to get out of the Mormon Church. What is my wife of 31 years (27 as active members of the Church) likely to say or do? Both of my adult daughters are also very active. What will they do? I live in a tight knit Mormon community, lots of my neighbors are active: 7 former or active Bishops within blocks.

And all are VERY close friends. I'm a 59 year old and a High Priest Group Leader and Scoutmaster. My closest non-member friends are 45 miles away. This will not be easy, but I simply want to live my real life, before I die. HELP, please...

Answer 1

All the above, plus, if you want to make it formal, check this out:

http://www.wikihow.com/Leave-the-Mormon-Church-Gracefully

There is a life after leaving a church. Stay strong!

Love, Kat.

Answer 2

Does this look familiar to you, oh member of the LDS church and High Priest Group leader?

"I have just recently accepted Jesus as my savior. I
came to Yahoo Answers under a different name nearly
a year ago as an Atheist."

It should, because it is one of your posts - your words You are a phony through and through. You get your kicks by leading people on.

How about this one, for your wife of 31 years: "Why would an American man choose a spoiled modern white woman over a natural, sweet Filipina?"

Oh, and here's a good one from a devout Mormon (or other type of Christian) : "If Love affects one like a drug...and if God is addicted to it...does that mean we worship a drug addict?"

Is this what you teach the scouts in your troop, or is it part of the Sunday School lesson: "Did Joseph's Myth and Bring'em Young marry wives of men they sent on missions? Would you like to be a Prophet? Would you send men off to missions, and then marry their wives to yourself?"

Too bad others took you seriously. You are not Mormon, and I doubt very much you are any kind of religious person - because what you are doing is taking advantage of sincerity of people of all faiths.

Answer 3

It's very hard to be in your situation. I was lucky that my husband felt the same way I did about the church. From the sounds of it you live in Mormonville. There is help for you out there. I know there has to be a support group for Ex or Former Mormons. In the mean time, I can give you some web sites, you can contact the owners and they can give you some support.Talk to your wife about this too, I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 4

once you realize that Mormonism is not what it claims to be, you are faced with the problem of what to do about this realization. What you do will depend on your own situation and your own needs, which may be very different from those of others in a similar situation. There are several possibilities:

1) Simply say nothing about your change of belief. Continue to go to church and do what others expect of you. This option is most attractive to those whose families (spouse, children, parents) are very devout Mormons. It avoids the possible (almost certain) disruption of those relationships. However, this requires you to live a double life, to keep your important feelings secret, and most people not only find this difficult, but also somewhat dishonest.

2) Tell those Mormons closest to you (spouse, family) how you really feel, but continue to do the minimum required of a church member. This option has many of the disadvantages of options 1) and 3), but allows you to feel somewhat more honest with yourself.

3) Become completely inactive (give up your church callings, stop attending meetings, etc.), but maintain your official membership. Many people choose this option, rather than option 4), because they dislike the finality of leaving the church, with its consequences of being labeled by friends and family as an "apostate." Or they simply feel that it doesn't really matter whether their names are still on the church records as "members," and they don't want to jump through the hoops to get their names removed. This option is also frequently chosen by those who want to avoid hurting Mormon family members but also want to be honest. It has three disadvantages. First, as an "inactive" member, you become the target for church efforts to "reactivate" you, with missionary visits, invitations to social events, and other "fellowshipping" efforts. Second, as a member you are subject to "discipline" by the church authorities, who may summon you to a church court. Third, by allowing your name to remain on the records as a member, you allow the church to include you in its total membership number (currently about eleven million) with which it wishes to impress the world. Many people choose option 4) rather than 3) for this reason alone.

4) Resign your membership and take your name off the church records.

Answer 5

The first thing you will need to do is talk to your wife before actually contacting anyone in the Church. Make sure that she understands that you love her as much as you did the day that you married her, that your feelings for her were never dependent on the Church, and that you have decided through careful consideration and searching that the LDS Church is erroneous. Tell her that you would like her to consider leaving as well, but that if she doesn't, you will still love her the same.

Once you have done that, there is a quietly dignified way to leave. You write a 'letter of demission', wherein you state that you wish to voluntarily remove yourself from the membership lists of the Church. In your letter, you will need to state that per US laws, you wish to have written confirmation of your VOLUNTARY DEMISSION from the church within 30 days. Deliver one copy to the bishop, one copy to the Stake President, and send one copy to Church HQ. Be sure to keep a copy for yourself.

Although it is easy to understand how it can be frightening to leave the Church, you need to start looking at things from an outsider's perspective. Become comfortable with your life sans the LDS Church. Begin to define yourself based on you and not based on the Church. When you start to do this, you will begin to realize that you can remain friends with people who are in the Church. Although some members will undoubtedly judge you, those who know you best likely will remain your friends. The easiest way to deal with this is to let them know in conversation that religion isn't "taboo" for you and that they can freely discuss it in front of you as they always have before. This will keep them comfortable and will allow you to maintain your friendships.

Also, try to make some new friends outside of the realm of Church activities. Contribute some time to community endeavors or work activities to make new friends. They will likely be LDS too, but it doesn't matter as long as you keep religion out of the context of your new friendships. Just never bring it up and no one will ever care.

I hope this helps you; feel free to contact me if you have other questions. Oh, and also, when 'living your real life', it is important to remember not to just "break free" and start indulging yourself in all the things you have never been "allowed to do". Many ex-mormons end up destroying their life because they quickly begin drinking a lot of alcohol, attending strip clubs, etc... maybe it would be wise to start with a glass of wine with dinner, some R-rated movies, and shooting pool in a club before jumping head-first into the 'harder stuff'.

Answer 6

None of us can give you the answer to this or tell you what to do if you can't mustard the courage to be honest with yourself and your loved ones about your realization. "I simply want to live my real life", you said. And I don't know if there is a more important reason for you to not be absolute honest about this with your wife,daughters and your friends. All the things you listed: how hard you think such move is going to be, what those whom you love and care about would say or do, .....your community is tight knit.........should not be the reason for you to not act according to your heart if you REALLY REALLY want the change in your life. I am not saying it's going to be easy, and quite honestly your are probably going to go through hell(not literally, ok?) for this, but is a "real life of your own" not worth it?

Answer 7

The fact that you are seeking an answer to this very important decision in your life from utter and complete strangers is interesting to me. This is an important decision as you well know. Would not one of the best sources of help for this decision be first, the Lord, then an ecclesiastical leader, IE bishop, your spouse, and then...your self?
Having been a member of the Church to this point in your life as you say, there are things you do to find answers to questions. One, is to be humble, submissive as a child, and allow the Holy Spirit to prompt and guide you through troubles and trials. Second, is while in humility, and in sincerity and being meek in heart, allow the still, small voice to speak to you (the method the Spirit uses). Other helps can be as mentioned, your leaders, your spouse, family members members, children, and......God.
If the LDS Church is his Church, he will let you know that. However, you have to ask him sincerely, with full propose of heart. Allow his spirit to distill upon your soul. He does not want to lose even one soul. You mean a lot to Heavenly Father. He loves you. Let him help you at this time.
My two cents and humble opinion, for what it is worth. I know that Heavenly Father answers prayers, both the "easy" ones like help me find my lost contact lenses, and the "hard" ones like help me find my lost testimony.

Out

Answer 8

Don't know how your family will react, or your friends. All you can do is be totally honest about what you believe. I do pray for you that you still are a Christian as I believe you need to be for the sake of your soul.There are other churches you may feel more comfortable to go to worship.

If your real life does not include Christ, I am sorry for you, as I so believe it should, but I too take exception with Mormon teachings.

Best to you and God Bless you.

Answer 9

I think you need to be honest with everyone, especially your family. You need to tell your bishop that you no longer wish to have your callings, and that you are leaving the church. Obviously everyone will not want to see you go and ask you if you have prayed. All in all it is your decision. I am sure your LDS friends will still be your friends. Honestly I think your family will be upset, but you need to be honest. Be prepared for people to try and get you to be active again, and try to bring you back and show you that the church is true. I am LDS and as much as I love the LDS church and feel in my heart that it is true, I am wise enough to know that not everyone will not feel that way, and they shouldn't be doing something that they do not want to be doing. Be honest!

Answer 10

In the words of Alton Brown "Just walk away". Nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to do with any type of church. Quit being scared of these people. You will have problems with these people in the future but which is more important to you? Getting away from the church or having everyone like you? Get in a car and drive somewhere outside of Utah and you won't have to deal with either.

Answer 11

I'm Mormon, and dude, you need to talk to your bishop. Maybe even your Stake President.
As to what your family and friends will do, that's not for me to say. Just know that it will devistate your family and break your friends hearts.
Do you just need a break from your calling? Or are there doctrinal issues? Do you not believe what the church teaches, or have you been offended by someone/something. Do you understand what you will be giving up if you leave? Do you want your name removed from the roles of the church and your baptismal, and temple covenants revoked? Or do you just want to go inactive for a while?
Is your "real life" a life that would remove the blessings of those covenants anyway (like entering a homosexual relationship) and so you are trying to go through the formality of cutting ties with the church in an effort to be nice?

Seriously, go talk to your bishop. Attend/Watch General Conference this weekend, pray about it.
For goodness sake at least talk to you wife about it, and try to be open minded about where they are/will be coming from.

You need to decide what you want. Do you want to be excommunicated? Or do you want to be inactive? There are VAST differences, which if you're a High Priest Group Leader you know.