I'm 16 and Indian and my parents are so strict with me. How can I get some freedom??

Question

I need help. I'm a 16 year old girl who has never done anything to make my parents distrust me. But they still do! I'm hardly allowed to see my friends on weekends, I'm just supposed to study even if theres no work to be done. I have a recent secret boyfriend who i want to tell my parents about. But I'm scared that if I do they'll freak, disallow me from seeing him and completely ground me. What should I do??? I'm so confused...

Answer 1

Sweetheart

I would say the same thing to you were you Hindu, Christian or Muslim. You are only 16 and you live under your parents' roof. You obey their rules.

I know it sounds tough but your parents want the best for you. I was brought up Roman Catholic, very strict, and remember how tough it is to be 16 and eager to bust loose!

Indian families are very tightly knit and I am trying to figure out how you actually have a boy friend. In this regard you are playing with fire. I know how strict Hindu parents are regarding the mixing of the sexes especially when it comes to the honour of their daughters.

If your grades are good and they are happy with your marks, can you not sit down "woman to woman" with your mother and tell her how you feel? Point out to her how responsible you are in everything. Having a secret boyfriend is not proof of responsibility though, is it? If you get caught out with him, you are in major trouble so you should somehow manage to come clean about what your are doing. How about group dates?

Are your parents very traditional? Will they insist upon an arranged marriage for you? That can be a concern too I suppose, especially if you dream about John Abraham at night!

Whatever you do, sweetheart, just be careful. In a few years, Insh'Allah, you will be off on your own. Perhaps you will move to Bangalore and be another bright young beautiful woman! But for now, you are your mother and father's little girl and must obey their rules.

When my daughters were your age and starting to date, I bought them a cell phone so I could always contact them. The rule was it always had to be left on. This worked. I knew where they were but never bothered them. But it made me feel better. Perhaps if your mother would go along with that idea?

I am only assuming you are Hindu. Of course if you are Moslem you know you cannot date at all anyhow! And they would be a bit more protective of you than Hindu. If you are Brahmin, you are in a bit more of a fix due to traditional values.

In the mean time, Namaste and good luck.

Answer 2

i am 15 and an indian and i tell you that you are stupid

did u ever think why the hell ur parents put some restrictions on you?
did you ever think why ur parents ever wanted you to study?
i think you are just a puffed up, stupid girl who wallows in nothing but self pity

so you see---thats exactly how i see u now,n thats exactly how the world will see u too a few years later

ur parents did all that to save u from distractions

if after that u have a 'secret bf'.....oh then,i can tell u that u have been a huge dissapointment to them

i dont even feel like wasting my words and time on you,were u not, as i feel ,the child of some respectable and ambitious parents

if u r an indian,...then get this thing VERY clear from now on:::: u are making ur life TODAY....
going and making bfs and wallowing in self pity WONT get u in IIT or the IIM tomorrow

u dont even seem intelligent,...'no work to be done' is the mentality of idiots.....
i once heard a quote of oscar wilde saying that its always more than enough which brings success

if u have gotta get somewhere in life---it will be only because u worked hard
and what boyfriend? huh?
will that idiot ever cry for u,cry with u or even bother to look at u some day?.....are u mad?....making a fool of urself is not nice....
nobody's gonna help u make ur future and remember girl....ONCE THIS TIME GOES AWAY....it will NEVER come back

its sad that ppl realise what a mess they are in when they have already gone n befooled themselves

if u were intelligent....u would probably have made the most out of the cicumstances in which u are living:
u should have mad ethe most out of ur time,studies like hell,excelled in ur subjects......

dont tell me u do,because if u did,u would not be here crying out aloud n making a fool of urself that "my parents are so strict with me".......if u had brains u would understand...

get you priorities right or prepare to ship out...this life is not for idiots
...no one in this world would care for u ever except ur own relations.....friends are stupid n just companions......and let me tell u AGAIN that u r an absolutely stupid kinda girl

i am a year younger to you,...my words are harsh..arent they?......i am sorry to feel how much more harsher u r to ur parents.......

Answer 3

are you the oldest or only child???

Well still even if you are or not it sounds like your parents a very "traditional"

I would try to join some school activities on the weekend...so you have more reasons to get out with your friends..and you can try asking to stay over at a friends house that's invovled in whatever activity...you could say you guys have to work on a project of some sort.....

Good luck.....but I doubt they'll change their way of thinking

Answer 4

I went through all of this myself. The truth is I just had to constantly push the limits, testing everything and now Im 19 and my parents are fine.
The other option is try to show them how responsible you are, that you are your own person and not a 5year old. Show them that you are capable of making decisions.
Also, you could try negotiating with your parents if they won't let you go out. This helped alot with me.

Answer 5

Take up a course in something like yoga, art, creative writing, or ceramics, which they are unlikely to object to, as you are improving yourself and your marriageability. Make plans to move out and get a place of your own, or share a place with other girls, as soon as you are 18.

Answer 6

tread lightly you think your parents are to strict. you have a whole great life ahead of you. i have seen so many make mistakes when they were your age that they pay for the rest of there lives. do not rush things you have a lifetime ahead of you to enjoy. be smart

Answer 7

ask your parents "what if..."
if you get a good reasponse,
tell them.
if you dont..
frown and just say "i was only hypothisysing."

Answer 8

talk to them tell em to back off
parents are all ways like that its not unusual

Answer 9

Have they seen Bend it Like Beckham? :)

In two years you'll be old enough to do whatever you please.