have i done the right thing ? confused over ex?

Question

hi there, me and my ex broke up at the beginning of december, and since then i met a new guy, at first i really liked him and we got on great and had our laughs , however when my ex came back on the scene to get in touch with our little boy, everything got threw in the air and i realised how much i really loved my ex , and being together as a family again. I would love to sort things out with my ex if he proves himself so we are currently living apart in different towns, but chat on the phone alot. My head was so confused for what i wanted, i told my new fella that its too early to be in a relationship and i need some time on my own. to sort my head out, anybody been in the same situation where they are so confused about what they want ? thanks guys x

Answer 1

First, forget about trying to do the right or wrong thing! This situation is far too complex and too emotional to even work out what right and wrong are, let alone choose between them with any rationality or logic.
Secondly, your long established relationship with the father of your child is something you have invested a great deal of time, energy and money into, and you should value it as such. New guys like the one you've been with recently are a dime a dozen, plenty of fish in the sea. If it really doesn't work out with your ex, you will have lost nothing by beginning again with another new guy.
What you must learn to do is listen to your body. I know from experience that the mind is constantly ticking over, and the more you try and ignore it the more it tries to get your attention. Learn meditation, or some focusing skill, or whatever you have to do to quieten your mind. This is an essential element to being able to analyse future situations and discern the most beneficial course of action. This one I'll give you for free.
You and your ex broke up 3 1/2 months ago, after a long relationship that includes a child of which he is the father. I expect you and/or he had begun to take the other for granted, showed little or no appreciation, and there was a loss of romance. You began dating and found someone who gave you these intimacies, which you enjoyed. In the mean time, your ex had had time to realise how good things were back with you, even without those intimacies, so he returned under the semi-false subtext that he wanted to see his kid (he actually did want to see his kid, but that's not all he wanted). When he returned, you and he started treating each other more intimately, not quite as much as when on your honeymoon or first sexual encounter, but more than just before he had left. You began to realise how nice it was to be treated nicely, and to treat him nicely, and to be with the guy you've loved for so long, that the idea of choosing a new guy over your newfound love for your ex was ludicrous. However, since all these things are happening so quickly, and each event has significant emotional attachments, it is difficult to remember them, let alone understand them or choose what to do next.
The point I want to highlight, is that he came back, and that he is the same person but with a newfound appreciation for your long established relationship. It is good that you are chatting on the phone with him a lot. Because you and your kid are living in the family home, it is your responsibility to make all the moves to get back together with him, if and when you want to. When your ready, start inviting him over for meals and entertainment for the evenings, or weekends. Tell him in advance that you want to take it slow, and that he must go home (to his apartment) every time. One night at some point in the distant future, you may ask him to stay. Expect him to refuse the first time. That next step into the relationship must be a mutual decision, which both of you are ready for. The stages progress from there, gradually working back toward the arrangement you had before the break up.

If at any point in this gradual getting back together process, your ex does something that confirms in your heart that it's over between the two of you, and I mean absolutely confirmed without a doubt or question, then break it all off and start from scratch. You've been with someone else for a few months, and this new guy seems to treat you right, so you know what you can expect, and what you deserve as a beautiful person, and as a human being, an individual with free will and choice and opinions and likes and dislikes and hobbies and interests. You deserve to be with someone that loves and supports you for who you are, not what someone else wants you to be for them, like a handbag or a sports car.

You are a powerful and unique individual and can create your world in whatever way you wish for it to be. Let your imagination and dreams flow freely, allow the universe to hear your wishes, and the magical genie in the sky will answer ...

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND, MASTER!!!

Answer 2

An ex is an ex for a reason, so unless you have changed or he has changed, then it is probably going to end up the same way that it did before. I was with my ex for 5 1/2 yrs and we were on and off for about 3 1/2 of those yrs. I loved him very much and a part of me still does, but no matter how many times we tried, we were both still the same people and it did not work out. It is good that you told the new guy because that would be unfair to him to be in the middle. Trust your instincts and do what you feel is right, you might need to take some time alone just to see what that is for you. I wish you the best

Answer 3

there is a reason someone is an ex, sometimes we seem to forget that. Have you ever thought that it might be the fact that you feel comfortable with him and thats why it is easier to go back to what you know rather than to try and start anything up with someone new?

Answer 4

you obviously stil in lov wit your ex cos you tend to forgive and forget...so just do wuteva u think is rite for you...