I love this man so much, I try to do what I can for him. It's to the point that I feel taking for granted. I pour out my heart to him and been faithful to him for six years. I't s to the point I feeling drained. I don't wanna leave but I sound like a broken record. He let's his friends and family influence our relationship til the point I feel all against me. I treat him really good, cuz I really love him and I'm praying that he sees what he's doing before it's to late. I really need someone to help me I don't know what to do or say. Im tired of crying it's to the point I don't think I have any tears left.I want to work on our relationship but not be a doormat nomore, and still be here and love him without being distant. what can I do. Why do men hurt really good women, who just really and truly want to love them and receive it in return. please help me
2007-03-23 21:29:55 · 15 answers · asked by KISHA J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hi there honey,
How I wish I could tell you that he cares about you and wants to be in love with you the way you are smitten with him, but I am going to have to tell you the truth and because I know exactly what you are talking about because I have been there so many times with a crush myself and I have spoken to a lot of other women who have also gone through the same thing.
All I can say to you is that you are fantasizing over someone who isn't interested in you and who treats you pretty crap from what I can tell. This is truly horrid for you and really give my heart out to you, but if he likes you, he wouldn't do that. I had a man I fancied the socks off but he also treated me like dirt and couldn't see how I felt because he never really knew until recently and has now stopped treating me badly, but I now don't feel anything at all for him because he is now available for me to have and I don't want him because of the ways he treated me.
Attraction is strange because if you are attracted to this man now, what happens when he will be nice to you when he gets to know you better and like you?. Will you still feel the same?. I was really surprised with myself when I didn't fancy this man who I had liked for two years and constantly thought about how much I wanted to be with him and how he would fall in love with me etc, but when he began being nice after those two years, I wasn't interested anymore and because I couldn't trust him to be nice all of the time. I tried everything to impress him and some things worked like dressing nicely but he would only flirt and flirt and never make a move and yet treat me badly all throughout the whole time!
What you are going through is a stage of infatuation and this is pretty clear. Being in love is when you are both actually together and experiencing being in love so there is a vital difference here. He doesn't seem to have any intentions of wanting to strike up a relationship with you any time soon so he sounds like a lost cause if you ask me and someone who isn't bothered about what you feel or think and can't be attracted to you. I think if you start focusing upon your self-esteem and confidence and start to meet other people and stop thinking about this man and place importance on yourself more, the more he will see how independent and confident you really are and this will grab his positive attention of you I guarantee because if he sees you swooning after him and upset, the more he will do it to you too because he is nasty and cruel. He treats you the way he does because he is jealous of the fact that you have human qualities he lacks and he sounds insecure and undecided about a lot of things in life and he would be a very draining person to be around!.
If he sees you as someone who likes themselves a lot more, he will be interested and by the time he is ready for you, you won't want anything to do with him I promise you that because your own self-esteem will be a lot higher and so will your choices of men be a lot better. He isn't worth your attention from what I can tell and so don't spend anymore time crying over him. Get a pen and paper and write down fifty things you like about yourself and put it on your wall and look at it everytime you think about this man - that is what worked for me and it is pretty powerful!. You sound like a a loveable and likeable girl so remember to put that down on your list and in bold letters so you can see for yourself what kind of wonderful person you really are.
My crush was in fact, my landlord of all people and not the best kind of person to fall for anyway and he turned out to be a pretty dodgy and shady character I am so pleased I had a quick escape and am sure that you will too because the longer you beat yourself up for what he is doing to you, the more he will treat you that way. Like yourself a lot more than you do and write down all of the ways in which he is bad to you and keep a book with a list of all these things and keep adding to it everytime he is nasty again. He sounds like a coward and a prick to me.
Hope I have helped but hey, I am talking from experience and wouldn't give you advice I didn't know.
Good luck x
2007-03-24 00:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a martyr to me my dear girl. Six years is no joke. Maybe it's time to move on and let him be. It will be very very hard and painful for you, but if someone doesn't show you the respect and love you deserve why force your love on him? You also have to LOVE YOURSELF - the wonderful person that you are! I'm sure there's someone out there who's waiting to receive the kind of love you offer. Women like you are a rarity. I wish you the happiness and love you deserve. Goodluck!
2007-03-23 21:42:49 · answer #2 · answered by mijastely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT sounds like it is not meant to be if you can not accept things the way they are and are not happy. You may have to accept that and move on. Some times we cant control any thing. All we can do is be some times it is the path we are on and you are prolonging it. search deep in your heart there may be something else for you. You may have to stop try so hard. don't stop trying just quit forcing it you know the perfect balance the yen and the yang.
2007-03-23 21:43:04 · answer #3 · answered by GUMBY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cannot make someone love you. If it's not there now..it will never be there.. (ie...you do not grow to love someone, it just 'happens')
pick up sticks and move on...after all your happiness is just as important as his, and you'll never be happy w/ a man who 'does not' love you, plus the strain will also keep him unhappy. Two unhappy people == 1 very crappy "life together". Do yourself a favor, and ante back up to the table and jump back into the game.
2007-03-23 21:36:07 · answer #4 · answered by m34tba11 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him and if he feels the same way about you than he will come around. Thats how you show him your not to be taken for granted.
2007-03-23 21:35:51 · answer #5 · answered by Miranda S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has other objectives if not other partners. You really need to get out before you get hurt more than you already have. Some guys can be such scum!
2007-03-23 21:32:53 · answer #6 · answered by CrazyEddy06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Six years and he's not in love with you? I would have to be to go 6 years with someone.
Is this an arranged marriage?
2007-03-23 21:35:11 · answer #7 · answered by guy o 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything to make someone fall in love with you. Its either there or its not!! So quit trying so hard, if its meant to be then it will happen. If not, move on!!
2007-03-23 21:43:45 · answer #8 · answered by Lori F 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my...what bad memories that brought back to me. point blank...you need to stop being a doormat and get to stepping right out of his life before he destroys you.
2007-03-23 21:39:25 · answer #9 · answered by grasshopper9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being in love is like touching the pulse of the world.
it makes u alive.
2007-03-23 21:32:55 · answer #10 · answered by Princess illusion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋