When someone misleads or lies to you and they say they did it to keep from hurting you - is that acceptable?

Question

They know you would like to date them and they mislead you into thinking they are not dating anyone

Answer 1

i've been in that position + i thought i was doing it to protect my family, when all i was doing was hurting them. it could go either way i guess, just depends on the situation. but i have to say no its not acceptable, because the truth hurts, but lies hurt worse.

Answer 2

The Biggest Lie About Lies -- A Lie of Omission Is Not a Lie!

A lie of omission is the most insidious, most pervasive, and most common lie on the entire planet. Commonly, those who use this type of lie, have conned themselves into believing that to intentionally remain silent when ethical behavior calls for one to speak up is not a lie at all. In spite of overwhelming evidence that their silence deceives, misleads, and often causes untold grief and misery, they refuse to speak the truth.

The Inevitable Consequences: There is also the common misconception that intentional deception by silence has no consequences. Lies of commission (telling a lie) and lies of omission (withholding the truth) are both acts of intention deception. Both reap the same consequences. What liars by omission do not understand is that one cannot escape the laws of the universe..

Answer 3

No, that's not acceptable. Keeping lies from anyone is an awful thing to do. There is no such thing as a little lie or a white lie. Lies don't come in colors. They are obviously hiding something that they did or trying to justify their actions. Call them on it and demand the truth. Or walk away if they choose to continue their bad behavior.

Answer 4

My answer to this ia always no--I am a firm believer in 100% honesty. However, it seems to me that what this person was really saying was that they lied to you because they didn't want to deal with/be responsible for your possibly feeling hurt by whatever information was withheld. Maybe find out why they felt it was necessary to lie, and keep the focus on their inability to see you hurting from the truth. Why is that? Codependence? Their own insecurities or past demons? All behaviors are acted out to satisfy the needs of the person doing them--what needs was this person fulfilling by lying to you?

Answer 5

I was going to say that it depends on the circumstances until I saw your additional details. That just sounds wrong.

However, the question is what exactly was the deception. If you were dating without a specific commitment and were free to date other people, then the other person would also be free to date others. If you were lead to believe that it was an "exclusive" relationship, that is a whole different story.

Answer 6

No its not, lies inevitably come out anyway, so not only do you have to deal with the potential hurt that causes but also the fact that someone you trust lied to you too. If they love you and respect you, they will tell you, AND help you deal with it, saying they lied to protect you is a cop out on their part, it makes life easier for them, at the time

Answer 7

No it is not acceptable, it's a poor excuse for being dishonest and cowardly. The key word is 'mislead'.

Answer 8

It depends on what they lied about. You are the only one that can decide that. If it's something not serious, yes it could be true, and you should respect that they tried not to hurt you....but if its serious stuff, nah, I wouldn't buy it for a moment.

Answer 9

Not if you want an honest relationship and what other kind would be desirable over a long term.

However, please never tell me my butt looks big in these jeans that would be a good time just to be quiet. No need to lie but no need to say something unkind either.

Answer 10

Depends if that is really the truth.

Did you wind up learning the whole story when it was all said and done. . . if you really were being lied to, in order to protect you, they when it is all done then the full story should be revlealed to you.