I am the scapegoat in my family; how can I dump this role?

Question

I am the dumping ground, the one they all love to hate and hate they do. I want to get out from under this mantle, how can I do this?

Answer 1

Your experience must be heartwrenching but don't take it to heart. Your family may have classified you as the black sheep, however, it does not follow that you are such. Nor does it indicate that your family members are "better" than you or necessarily even healthy.

Take the time to gradually build relationships with people you can trust and believe in you; work hard and live your life in peace (Get rid of the bitterness and resentment for how they've treated you; it won't do your family or your emotional health any good). Don't allow your family to tell you who you are as a person. What your family says may be neither what is the case or the full picture. Regardless of the circumstances, they really shouldn't be treating you like this and they're probably wrongheaded in the way they see you.

You can communicate with them about your adverse position and the pain it has caused you. However don't be suprised if their predisposition towards you does not change. (But do take the time to make the effort and be patient with them about this). If it doesn't, try to forgive. Maintain your family relationships with kindness and respect for them even if you feel they don't deserve it (I know, this is the hard part but show them love) however do build strong relationships with other people that you can trust.

"The Scapegoat. This person is the family victim. He/she ends up as the blame collector for the family. Her misbehavior makes everyone else in the family look so good that they can say, "If it weren't for her, our family would be all right." If the scapegoat tries to change his/her role, other family members are not likely to let his/her off the hook. As long as he/she's around, they have someone to blame for their own irresponsibility."

I hope your situation gets better or at least your pain caused by your unfortunate situation!

Answer 2

Sit down and write a very extensive message, dispelling each and ever time your family use you as a scapegoat! In fact to make your point clear (Like Martin Luther) title your note..."20 reason why are not going to be the scapegoat in this family anymore" Start from number one.

1. You will no longer use me every time someone in this family is unhappy and blames me!
2. You will no longer mention my name when things goes wrong!
3. You will no longer hurt my feelings and treat this way because...

ETC..
Be sure you phase ever sentence exactly to the point. Use strong attitude in your message. Nail it (tape it) on your door or somewhere the family can see it! If anyone comes to you smiling, let that person know the seriousness of your letter. Good luck.

God Bless.

Answer 3

Without knowing any of the particulars it is difficult to answer this question. The first thing that pops into my mind is that something has caused this attitude by your family. Did you decide you wanted attention and misbehaved to get it and now that you are getting the attention you realize that is not the kind of attention you wanted? It is my guess you have become belligerent and take your anxiety out on everyone at your house whether they deserve it or not.
If you accept the responsibility for where you are at with your family and change your ways you will find that all of a sudden they will no longer hate you.

Answer 4

I don't know how old you are, if you live at home, or on your own, however, I would recommend if you can, get some counseling, to help build up your self esteem after going thru all of this, and sit down and have a tlak with these family members, and let them know you are no longer their scapegoat, so knock it off, or possible no communication for awhile (2-6 weeks), to give them a chance to change. Take care.

Answer 5

Every thing that was ever created started out as an idea...a thought...then it was spoken, then created, then it existed. You have to stop "Thinking" of yourself as the 'scapegoat' and certainly stop saying it. As we say in my circle: Flip the Script~ Start declaring that you're loved, you're the favorite child, you're the apple of your family's eye...send them thank you cards for treating you so well and tell them often and lavishly how much you care about them...a Mack-Truck full of Love running someone over is Hard to Resist and certainly it's hard to reject genuine love, respect and kindness.....Begin by loving yourself and not depending on others to pump you up or give you value....Value yourself, Love yourself and be Kind to yourself.....terminate those negative thoughts in your mind and replace them with new confessions/affirmations. Let the Love in!

Answer 6

Get out of the house, get a self employment project and work your way up and then finally after a few years, maybe you can open your own firm.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Stand your ground...speak your mind to them /Tell how you feel. Then if possible keep them out of your business.

Answer 8

do something that'll impress them. something that'll make em' say, we were bagging on him why? do something you just know they will love u for. dont ever go too far. when ur instincts say too far, uve hit the limit. and dont be a suck up. thatll just get u in that role deeper. and. yeah.

Answer 9

Quit sucking you thumb....why are you living for them anyway...do something to make yourself better in your eyes and they'll come around

Answer 10

Tell them how you feel and stand your ground.