Why do I suck at Dating?

Question

I always get nervous and act dumb on dates, I havent had a boyfriend in 7 years, and I havent been on a date in a year.

Answer 1

I hate dating, and I have been on many, many dates. Once, to weed quickly weed out girls who I wouldn't connect with later, I wrote a list of qualities to look for, and warning signs to watch for as well. Once I had it all thought out, it really did help me weed through a lot of girls that I later would not have gotten along with. While searching the web a few days ago, I saw a guy who wrote a very similar list to mine (in the context of qualities a man would want a wife to have). Here is some advice for you:

- If you sound dumb during dates, try talking LESS. Act like a quiet, humble, shy girl, YET show interest (if you're interested) by smiling, making intense eye contact (without smiling), looking thoughtful if he says something "deep," etc

- Keep all conversation LIGHT. No politics, religious views, not too much work stuff (unless he likes talking about his job, in which case it is part of his self-identity so act interested). Also laugh a lot, unless you have an annoying laugh in which case just smile a lot. Be FUN to be around.

- Getting intimate: don't give anything away to soon (this is an instant deal-killer, we'll take what you offer but be a little disgusted by the fact you gave it away so soon, assuming you do that for everyone. Make us work for it!) When you do get intimate, make it gradual. A little light patting one date (maybe second date or later), maybe a little bit more the next date, then what would be classified as fore-play but without the after-play the next date, then (and only then) go all the way. Even if you find this guy extremely attractive, and WANT to do it right away, don't. Make him work for it, he will like it better when he gets it (remember, this is a guy speaking) and respect you for it. This is a very important point in getting the guy you want and keeping him, I could go in more depth on how to make him more eager for you, but I have to keep it PG in here :)

- Give space. Especially at first. Don't IM, text, or call him all the time. Don't annoy him. Don't ask things like "where were you last night? If you weren't working, why couldn't we go out?" Try to seem a little disinterested at first. Let him call you, but act happy (not desperate) when he does call you.

Good luck to you! By the way, even if you are less then model-esque, if you date well you can make him very interested in you!

Answer 2

Ask some friends or relatives to help you. Have them take you on some "practice" dates, where they can critique your behavior. (Leaving out any inappropriate "physical" stuff, of course.)
Don't worry about being nervous on dates. I dated an extremely wonderful woman a few years ago, and she was so nervous on our first date, she could barely get the food into her mouth without dropping the utensils!
I was so flattered, that it went from "like" to "love", before dinner was over!

You might have a social phobia. Seeing a doctor wouldn't hurt, if this is the problem.

I have horrible phobias of job interviews, and public speaking, I start taking Paxil several days, or even a week, before the event. (It's not effective until it's reached a certain concentration in the blood and nervous system, and that takes doses spread out over time.)

Answer 3

Dating is tough. You'd like to know about the prospect before the date. That would save some time. Don't feel dumb or nervous, the other person probably feels the same way and remember, it's their privilege to take you out.

Answer 4

Well i would say you need to work on your self esteem, and quit dooming your date, before you even go on it. Cause if you are thinking that you suck at dating , then that is the way you are going to act, so you need to change the way you look at yourself, and how your date is going to go. Not all dates go well, i would say we all have been on a date for He*l at least once in our life. Maybe you need to look for a different type of guy, instead of always going for the same type.

you do know that dating is a give and take thing, sometimes the two of you need to find a nutural ground to start with, and then go from there.

Answer 5

don't worry hun. don't try too hard to impress people and don't try to do things just so they will notice you or say you do things you don't just to have things in common with him. like if he likes boating and you don't, don't say you do because he might ask you a question about it you don't know which would make you look foolish

when the right person comes around you will know there will be almost an automatic connection. like the first time I saw my fiance was my freshman year in high school someone said something about him and pointed him out and as soon as i looked over he looked at me and it was almost like a connection. nothing i have ever felt with any other guy and it wasn't lust because i really didn't think he was "hot" there was just something about him.

i know you may be lonely but having a boyfriend isn't everything right now focus on your girl friends and being close to them so that when you do find that special someone you will also have life long friends. :)

Answer 6

I think you're probably making it out to be more important than it really is, or should be.

Most of the dates you have should just be a chance to go out and have some fun with someone new. Don't worry about all of the romantic crap, at least not at first. And dates do not have to turn nto sex...you can just say "goodnight" and the date is over whenever you want it to be.

Just relax.

Take it easy.

Ask someone to go to a movie or a museum or something with you. And if they say "no", then screw 'em...its their loss.

Just go have a good time.

Good Luck!

;o)

Answer 7

Seven years is a long time, maybe you should start looking for books on dating or try talking to a friend. Or better, get a friend to take you out on a mock up date and get him to tell you honestly what you're doing wrong!

Good luck!

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Don't put yourself under pressure to date, instead join some social groups without the pressure of looking for a relationship and start mixing in both female and male company. As soon as you start to relax in mixed company then you will be more relaxed when you do find someone you want to spend some time with.

Answer 10

Hon everyone sucks at dating! LOL anyone who doesn't would probably get married after one date!