I had a very close friend who had a baby but turned to drugs. When the baby arrived she asked me if i would raise the baby until she got on her feet. The state took the baby and I went to court and all and ended up getting temp custody of the baby. Back in november they decided to give my husband and I full/perm custody becuz her bio mom wasn't making any progress. Well now that Nakeya is 19 months and can say alot of words, without me telling her to, she calls me momma. (which warms my heart) She also calls my husband Da da which makes him blush. With that said my mom thinks I am wrong for allowing her to call me mom. My mom feels as though becuz the biological mom and I were like sisters I should have Keya call me her aunt, either or no matter what she calls me i will be raising her for life. So what should she call me? What is fair? And who shud I be being fair to? Me or the bio mom? I plan to explain it to her when she's older, but what happens at this point?
2007-03-23 19:45:59 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Even though you didn't give birth to Keya, you are her mother. You are the one raising her and taking care of her. You are the one that was more responsible and decided to take action and give this child a good life. Her biological mother doesn't deserve the title "mom." She gave up that right when 1. she turned to drugs, 2. asked you if you'd raise Keya, 3. got the baby taken away from her.
Don't listen to your mother. Don't let her make you feel bad for YOUR DAUGHTER to call you momma and for her to call your husband Da da. It doesn't matter if you and that woman were close, she doesn't have responsibility as a mother. you do. If you have her call you aunt rather than momma, you're only giving the biological mother a name she doesn't deserve.
As Keya gets older, like you said, explain to her the situation and whatnot, and if she wants her biological mother in her life, then so be it, but I'm sure she'll always consider you as her mother even when she's older. Until that time comes, just worry about raising your child and be happy that you're helping out a child.
Congratulations, and good luck.
2007-03-23 20:01:34 · answer #1 · answered by Kiri 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
This is legally your child and you are performing all of the mommy duties, therefore you are mommy! Let her call you that if she wants! At this point she is too young to know the difference so don't say anything otherwise! As she gets older and knows the truth, let her deicde what to call you! It would be sooo confusing to try and change that now, she is too young to understand because YOU ARE mommy to her!
And as far as the birth mother, just because she carried her and delivered her doesn't make her a mommy! Anyone can have a child, it takes a mother to raise one!
High five for stepping up and giving her a better life! And good luck!
2007-03-24 03:16:25 · answer #2 · answered by jen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is the bio mom at all involved? Are you still friends? In my opinion, the baby sees you as mama and dada, and probably gains security by having you and your hubby and being able to call you her parents. I wouldn't try to make her change unless absolutely necessary. If she'll be with you for a long time and her mommy isn't a part of her life at all I'd allow it. Your friend may be hurt by that, but given the situation and all that you are doing for her I'd hope she can be understanding. If she comes back into her childs life than you'll all just have to work together to change the situation at that time.
2007-03-24 02:56:38 · answer #3 · answered by Nina P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is most important is this baby needs to have a mother and you are it. It is normal for kids to start figuring out who people are and I think it would be more harmful for her to call you aunt if you have had her all of her life. She would be confused why she has an aunt and other kids have a momma. If you got her when she was old enough to remember her mother calling you aunt might make sense but not in your situation. Every mother has to do what she thinks is best for her child and I think your daughter is in good hands.
2007-03-24 03:06:16 · answer #4 · answered by puzzled 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It 's okay it's like she chose you and you chose her allow her to call you guys her parents just be open and honest with her right now telling her how much you love her and you love her so much that even if her biological mother can't love the way you do she's a sweet little girl who has two mommy's and more than enough people to love her.
2007-03-24 03:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by Lady_Ceanna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let her call you what she wants, my son now 20 mnths old would create the smelliest diapers as an infant my hubby would always say EEEEWWW POOOOEY! My son to this day calls his dad Pooey! This woman had the heart and courage to leave her daughter in your care not all drug addicts have the common sense to do that. You are her Mommy you might not be her mother but from what I read you are her Mommy and Dada is her Dada!
2007-03-24 02:48:36 · answer #6 · answered by cvegas229 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are her mom. When she gets older you can explain it all to her, but for now, it is definitely ok. Do you clean her and kiss her and love her, then you are her mom. It's not like she can walk around saying mom and bio mom to each of you. The other lady is her biological mother, you are her mommy.
2007-03-24 02:50:00 · answer #7 · answered by orcaspirits 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are the parent, not the natural mother. Legally, I believe that you could actually adopt the child, this would solve the condundrum quite nicely. Your friend would have to surrender all parental rights as would the child's father, which wouldn't be hard to achieve as it doesn't look like he is in the picture. With all of this being said, it is entirely appropriate for the child to refer to you as Mom. It is a title that you have earned, wear it with pride.
2007-03-24 02:57:00 · answer #8 · answered by mcdomnhal 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you feel SOMEONE will have a problem with it. I would let her call you what she wants to. just do her the favor of telling her about her real mom when she is a young lady. Hiding it is a lot harder than telling her. She will love you for it and be grateful you took her to raise.
2007-03-24 22:43:20 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. First of all I think its really great that you care about your friend enough to take care of her baby like that. My opinion on this is that you should not let her call you ( or even let her think ) that you are her mother. Its okay for right NOW because shes very young but I think you should be getting her used to calling you aunt from now. That will make it easier for you and your husband and for HER. Its horrible when someone calls or thinks someone is thier mother for a long time then just find out all at once, or even worse, from someone else, that that person isn't even related. I dont think its right. And hey, what damage could it do? Whats wrong with having a loving friend of your mother raise you? At least she will know where she stands in life. I think just be completely honest. Yeah, you can't go wrong. God bless you!
2007-03-24 02:57:04 · answer #10 · answered by hOd 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋