Is it appropriate to try to make your kids pretend their stepfather is their real father?

Question

Is it wrong todothis?Is it wrong to try to get children to tell their children their grandfather is someone other than their natural father?Regardless of much of a jerk the natural dad was.he's still those children's blood!Isn't it inappropriate to try to rub him out of family tree and replace him?...Isn't it unfair tothechildren 100 years from now that will want to know where they came from?

Answer 1

That man will never be thier father, so you are asking them to live a lie. Thats wrong. They might come to see him as "dad" but to force it upon them will only cause resentment.

Answer 2

A father is the man who is there for the child when the child needs a role model. A father is the one who provides for the child and loves and cares for the child. A "natural father" is the one who happened to have sex with the mother and then in some cases rejected the child.

A hundred years from now they can tell the great great great grandchildren that their great great great grandmother had pretty loose morals and she claimed some guy way the father and he said it wasn't him. In a 100 years who really cares.
They are probably better off with the family tree of the stepfather.

I for one hate to see small children calling their parents by their first names. It shows no respect.

Answer 3

I guess, it depends on the situation. See, I would never make my DD to pretend, that her stepdaddy is her real daddy, but she wants to have her last name changed very badly, into the name of her stepdaddy. This isn't possible at this point, even though her birthfather isn't in her life, he'd never allow it, so we made a compromise and asked at school, if she could use stepdaddy's last name at school and they were ok with it.

Her real last name is a really complicated one, too, while hubby's last name is a typical dutch one, and she feels much better about it now. I would not have made this effort, if she would be fine with her last name, but she isn't, and children at this age (6) don't want to be asked every few minutes, where they got that exotic name from.

So while I would never make her pretending, that her stepdaddy is her real daddy, but if a child chooses to do so, the child probably haves valid reasons and we should respect them.

And my daughter knew from the beginning, that hubby isn't her biological daddy, but she decided to call him daddy, we were actually surprised, when she started calling him daddy, as nobody ever told her "You have a new daddy now" or something along those lines.

Answer 4

I think its wrong to lie to your child(kids) and tell them that their step father os their real dad. Some day they are going to find out the truth and they more then likely are going to feel betrayed. Blood will always be there, no matter how bad and ugly it may be, you can not run away from it, just advoid it. By lying to your kids you are risking your child to rebell aginst you after the truth is told. In my oppion a true father is one that takes care of you and looks out for your well being, blood or not. Anyone can be a dad but it takes a man to be a father..I feel that in this case the child deserves the rite to know their real father, at least know about him.

Answer 5

It may seem inappropriate but often in step families the stepfather is closer than a biological one. As long as the children know their real father's name and family history, it really is okay. Don't pretend that he's the real father, let the kids decide whether to call him dad or not in this instance.

Answer 6

No-it is wrong. Their stepfather is that-their real father - is that. "Cause what if, in the future, just in case, there is a medical problem in their father, that could possibly be carried on thru them? ID: diabetes, etc. Plus, it is best for them to know the difference. Honesty is the best policy. Take care.

Answer 7

It is terribly wrong to do this. Nobody will ever be your childrens father except their father. Your children may love stepfather, and that is fine, but no matter what. he will only ever be a sdtepfather.

Answer 8

depends on how old they are and were at time stepfather came into the picture. like my own. my first daughter is not hubbys . she s nine years old an i just told her recently that hubby wasnt her real father but hubby has been in her life since she was 4 mths old and the only "daddy" shes ever known. i told her bluntly that i better never hear her say somethin like"you cant boss me around ur not my daddy" cause i would punish her severly. i told her that hubby has taken care of her since she was a baby and is to her all that a daddy should be. but if the kids are older then you cant force them to like their stepdad but you can force them to have respect for him. thats my take on it and i hope it helps you.

Answer 9

If they accept him as that, then I see no wrong but don't force it, they still have feelings for their bio-father I'm sure and don't want to hurt them. My son called my husband his Dad, but then he only spent about 1 minute with his bio-father. To my hubby who could have no children of his own this was a honor to him. But it has to come from the child's heart, if he wants to call him Uncle Gerry or just Gerry (just an example) then that has to be good enough, they are allowed to have their own feelings and emotions.

Answer 10

I think it all depends on the real father.Does he have any thing to do with the kids?If he dont hes not a father hes a sperm doner.I dont see any thing wrong with it.The age of the kids makes a diff.

Answer 11

if a child is lied to even if the dad is a jerk they could end up with mental issues its up to the child legally 12y if they want to know there natural father so yes it is very very wrong and they need to know for medical reasons