l im 21 and i think i may have a problem, I have been engaged to my finance for about 8 months now and weve had a bunch of problems, with an apartment complex, so we moved out to his parents we or should i say I got kicked out of there house because they dont like black people which i didnt find out till later, my parents offered us to come live with them and thats what we r doing now, we r looking for work and going to school online anyways im starting to question it because he acts weird sometimes, like sometimes hes really nice and such a sweet heart and sometimes he doesnt really show me any attention or he does other things instead of being with me, he yells, curses, and sometimes when we play wrestle he gets rough, he talks to this girl online and tells he loves her and cares about he and when asked he just tells me that shes a friend and hes know here for a long time, what can i do to save my relationship? What can I do to make us spend more time together, should i plan stuff?
2007-03-23 19:35:55 · 3 answers · asked by renee_0102 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, I think you may be seeing the "real" him. Eight months isn't enough time to really get to know a person. Oh, you'll know what he wants you to know and see what he wants you to see, but deep down inside.. it's hard to really know a person's thoughts and feelings, attitudes and so on in such a short time.
It does sound like he may be developing feelings for this person he's been visiting with online. He may not even realize it yet. And I hope it isn't so.
I just about imagine that a big part of the problem is that when a person goes back home, no matter if they're 22 or 42, they will feel like a kid again... going by the rules, expectations and other things, as they did growing up. Honestly, I felt like I was 12 again when I moved back home after Dad died.
Maybe this is some kind of identity crisis. Maybe he just needs a really good reminder of why he fell in love with you in the first place. You two probably don't have the privacy you once had, and that could be a factor as well.
I think, if I was in your shoes, I'd see about dressing for him more often, taking time to do the things he likes to do with him, and (I know this sounds dumb) but make a conscious effort to smile at him when your eyes meet. He'll think he's doing something right, and hey, if that thing is paying more attention to you.. then he is. Maybe you could cook for him a little, and kind of fuss over him like you did at first. Sometimes, that's all it takes.
Try this for a couple of months and see if it puts the relationship back on track. If not, you may want to re-think your position. I hope it works out for you.
2007-03-23 19:52:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you have a problem, I don't just think you do. Apparently he is white? So his parents don't approve of mixed race? Well, that right there will be a big pain in the butt for your relationship. What happens when you have kids, hows that going to work out? You two are already doomed. Than he's talking to some girl on the net, who he say I love you too, but tells you she is only a friend? I don't think so! Plus his behavior for a man in love sounds a little raw! If you start to plan the wedding, chances are, he will find a way to get out of the whole marriage. Sorry..Guess you need to find out sooner or later anyway! Good luck!
2007-03-23 19:45:58 · answer #2 · answered by sue d 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a guy who is too immature to be married right now. The two of you are not even able to support yourselves yet, living in a home of your own.
Any person who yells, curses, gets too rough, and plays around with other people's emotions, as the years go by, you will find that the same behavior not only continues, but gets worse, and the person becomes even more abusive.
This is not a time to be "saving this relationship". This is time to express your own maturity and personal beliefs by setting the boundry that his behavior is not acceptable, under any circumstances. The two of you may be chronologically old enough for a marriage relationship, but HE certainly is not mature enough today.
Time to stop playing house, and really do what it takes to become the person you want to be.
2007-03-23 19:51:43 · answer #3 · answered by Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋