I had my oldest daughter when I was, bascially, too young to know how to be a parent. I was 19, barely. She was an only child for 13 years. And, wanted to keep it that way. She got extremly angry when I became pregnant with her sister. Apparently, her Dad and I spoiled her rotten.
Later, when her Dad and I divorced....her anger only grew. By the time she was 19, we were seriously at odds. And, I had developed lupus and was really sick.
Everything that happened in my home resulted in a struggle or a fight with her. She simply refused to have any respect for me. I finally couldn't take it anymore, so I told her that she could respect me and go by the rules or move out. She moved out.
Now, when she comes home she tells my 7 yr. old that I ran her off....and that if it weren't for me, she would still be living with us, etc. The little one cries all the time because she misses her sister....and, now...I'm getting the "anger attitude" from her, too! What to do?
2007-03-23 19:06:20 · 12 answers · asked by treefrog 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tell your younger daughter that her sister was a very mean girl to you, and she kept saying mean things to you and she wanted to move out. And if your daughter keeps telling her these things the best thing you can do is keep her away. And if your daughter resents you for that, remind her it was for her own good. You didn't want her to end up as bad as her sister.
2007-03-23 19:12:37 · answer #1 · answered by Danielle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by having her move out. When she comes to visit, tell her the same respect rules applies. If she cannot respect you to not even bother visiting. I know it sounds harsh, but in time when she goes without seeing or talking to you, she will miss her mom. But you have to be strong and stick to your guns on this. Do not give in to her. She is using your younger daughter to guilt you. It seems to be working. Just explain to your 7 year old that her sister has a lot of anger to deal with and she is not doing a good job of it. Keep reassuring her that you love her. Distance between them seems in order as well. Trust me, I am speaking from experience. I at one time was the 21 year old full of resentment and anger. I have since grown and experienced that hard realities of life and have come to appreciate my mom and my younger siblings. I am now years later grateful she kicked me out for being such an azz. I turned out a better person.
2007-03-24 02:17:34 · answer #2 · answered by Patrick T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like shes trying to align the younger with "her against you". Very manipulative. I think it's called triangulation.
I'd limit contact with her at this time in her life as she figures things out on her own in the world (thats what 21 year olds should do anyway). Let her know you love her but that her methods of using and manipulating her younger sister to feel this way towards you is not tolerated.
I'm concerned about your 7 year old though. Any cousins or same age peers to hang out and play with?
2007-03-24 02:18:33 · answer #3 · answered by sole96762 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with both and them and get everything out in the open. Your oldest daughter has some unresolved issues with your divorce from your husband. If you still can't reach a civil agreement, limit your daughter's time together. I don't think you should keep them apart, but what your oldest daughter is doing is wrong and is going to hurt the relationship with your youngest daughter. If all else fails get counseling.
2007-03-24 03:59:15 · answer #4 · answered by Cocoa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stick to your guns and let your 7 year-old know that there are rules to abide by and she must do so. And when she starts this "you ran my sister off" business, you sit her down and explain that her sister ran herself off because she didn't want to live by your rules. She'll understand this. Even at the "ripe old age" of 7, she knows right from wrong and she knows that everyone has to live by rules. And... if your older daughter can't come to your home without stirring up strife in it, she can just wait until she can, before coming to visit.
Hey, it's your home. You need a peaceful place to live. Folks are just going to have to accept that.
2007-03-24 02:15:27 · answer #5 · answered by Peggy K 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sit the 7yr. old down and tell her the truth.Tell her yes you put they big sister out,because she would not so you any respect and that you did not want them to see how she was treating you. Let them know that you felt if though they saw her actions,you thought that they would think that ,that was the way to treat you.And if they follow in her footsteps they would get the same results. You need to tell your 21yrs old, if she cannot come see her sister or brother without the neg. then do not come to the house.
2007-03-24 02:17:56 · answer #6 · answered by maxine_tolen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought maybe you should not have your older daughter around your youngest daughter.??
Your olderest daughter is suppose to be an adult. Treat her like one and tell her that if she can not talking to your daughter that way then is not welcome around her.
Explain to your youngest that her older sister is saying bad things and you do not want her around her because of it and when she can be nice then she can come around again.
Tell your oldest daughter that she is welcome around you, her mother, but not her youngest sister until she can so you and her sister the respect that is needed.
2007-03-24 02:13:56 · answer #7 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to explain to the 7-year-old the situation. She might understand it.
2007-03-24 02:17:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try out for Jerry Springer.
2007-03-24 03:14:18 · answer #9 · answered by J H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off its time for the 21 yr old to leave the nest anyways so kick her out or Encourage her to move on.....
THEN
remold your younger child to the child she needs to be....
a young mind is like a sponge .......
2007-03-24 02:10:38 · answer #10 · answered by Phillie D Philliums 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋