My 5 year old son always acts up when we go places, he always crying about something. I need some advice. Help

Question

I'd tried everything time out, taking toys away, going to bed early, no tv, punishment. Nothing seems to work. He's a very good boy. He just cry to much and he act so hard head. He be have me so stressed out. I'm an single mom and his dad is no longer in his life. What can I do to make him listen and to stop all that crying? Please HELP.

Answer 1

Lotta good things being said here, but I'm with the whoopin crowd. I know half the people in here equate that with torture or something but nothing beats a good well applied whoopin.

Just to the backside, and just with a hand. It doesn't even really need to be overly hard as it's not about the pain, but the shock of it all. I had to break out the hand a few times when my daughters were young, but once they got the idea that I wasn't going to tolerate certain bad behaviors they learned to do as I said.

I didn't poo poo them, or tell them all life was going to be merry. I just let them know that for now all they had to worry about was listening to me.

You know what? Everyone that meets my daughters now comment on how wonderful our relationship is, and how well behaved they are to this very day.

I don't reccomend that a good whoopin becomes a habit, as in, it can't become the only form of discipline, but as the "last straw" it is effective like nothing else. Once that is established, I've found, all the other "time outs", and whatnot seemed to work even better.

I also do not reccomend them for children much older than eight or nine unless it is very extreme or dangerous behavior you're trying to control.

I don't agree with the "get a man" crowd either. Sure, it would be nice in the long run but don't rush out and settle for any old "Joe" just to replace his father. That is NO good at all. Wait until you find a really good man who loves you both and any feelings of loss the boy has will melt away.

Best of luck to you and the little man.

Answer 2

Make the errands as fast as possible. Explain to him what you are going out to do and you expect him to be on his best behavior. If he acts out of line then take him to the car and make him sit in time out. At that age they love to help and be involved. If you go grocery shopping make out a list and explain that you need him to help you. Let him carry a basket and his own list to help you. Stuff you know he can handle carrying in his basket. Let him cross the stuff out on his list. Also tell him you need his help putting stuff in your cart. Tell him if he is an extra good helper he can buy a small treat. My son had the same problem when he was younger but his was mostly "I WANT THAT!!!" I bought him the Bearenstain Bears book called "The Bearenstain Bears Get the Gimmies." After a very short period of time he was very well behaved at the store. Also if you have an appointment bring your child some crayons and a small coloring book. That helps me tons. He especially likes dot to dot and mazes. Hope this helps. L

Answer 3

Well, depending on the situation this is what worked with my kids:
1.- If possible, leave the place, don't give in if he cries to pressure you to get him something, tell him, if you don't stop, we'll leave.
2.- Other option is to seat down (when possible), keep your cool always, and just hold him until he calms down.
3.- Set aside special time for him. When I started doing it, my daughters learned to differentiate special positive attention from negative. Kids need to feel loved and special, if you don't set time aside specially for them, they will learn to get negative attention.
4.- Get a baby-sitter for those places you know they are not for kids.
5.- Don't mind the looks of other people. Your kid and yourself are learning, him to behave, you, new ways to raise him. They will always be those people who think they are the perfect parents, but I assure you, they too, go through moments when they don't know what to do.
6.- Ask the experts, read, read, read. There are magazies, books and others that can help you. Always follow your gut feeling, your motherly instinct will always show you the way.

Answer 4

I know from my own experience with my children you have to take care of it on the spot not later after you get home some hours later b/c then they have already forgotten about it. The key is consistency. You have to be consistent, it is so important, even if some days you just don't feel like dealing with it. The days that he is really well behaved praise him for it everytime it will make him want to do it next time. Just make sure there's more love than discipline.

Answer 5

When my daughter was little and we were in the mall one time, she sat down on the floor and cried (wanted to go into the toy store when we were running out of time). I had a cup of cold water in my hand. I very calmly (yelling makes it worse) squatted down next to her a whispered, "Please get up and stop crying, sweetie or I will punish you." She kept up, so I dropped a couple of drops of the cold water on her. She was so surprised and stopped crying immediately. I held out my hand to her and said, "Now, get up and behave yourself. I know that you want to be a big girl and stop crying." She got up, I hugged her (positive reinforcement), and we went on our way.

Don't know if this will help -- each child is different. I have noticed that the whispering does wonders. They stop crying because they can't hear you over their crying. Kids are naturally very curious and usually can't help their curiosity to find out what you're whispering. Don't ever say, "What's wrong with you?" Don't ever call them bad -- their behavior is unacceptable. They, themselves are not bad. Keep in mind that your job as the parent is to build self-esteem and confidence. Try hard not to yell and remain calm. If you say that you are going to punish them and they continue their unacceptable behavior, follow-through with the threat and punish them -- every single time. You have to be consistent or they won't take you seriously. If they stop believing that you'll punish them, you lose control of the situation and the crying and unacceptable behavior will continue.

I was a single mom myself until my daughter was 3 1/2. It was tough -- I was going to college and working full-time, too. I have so much respect for single parents that are working hard to give a good life to their kids. Good luck!

Answer 6

punishing your son for being upset isn't good.

If you go out try bringing along a friend of his, get him into sports so he can socialize better and build some confidence.

Just try and get him involved with a lot of activities and other kids. I'm an only child with a single mum and i was really shy as a young girl, but my mum got me involved in everything and i made tonnes of friends and became very social.

little athletics, soccer, football, visiting his cousins or family... anything!

try talking it out and asking whats wrong sympathetically, if he picks up that your angry or getting impatient he wont reveal a word.

Answer 7

If I can tell you are upset about it, I am sure he can tell also. That's probably the reason he does it so much. I'm not saying you should ignore him but that you should not let him see how badly it affects you. Just calmly tell him that he can cry if he feels he needs to but that you don't think it will make things any better for either of you and then let him cry it out for awhile. It's not being neglectful but, trust me, it will feel like it. Any caring parent hurts more than the child over things like this. God bless!

Answer 8

get him a substitue for dad and not a boyfriend. a coach and a team. maybe that would help. would take a lot of encouragment on your part. he will likely resist. tell him stories about how great his dad was for the game and maybe it would be okay to evetually date a older bloke like myself to influence in in that way. you fix a picnic and take the boy to play maybe you just got to get him gung ho about something, hopefully besides his studies. work those muscles to grow up and be physcially and mentally healthy. can you do it? One other thing, belt his butt when he is bad. Really whack him so he want want that to ever happen again. Be strong. It won't be but a small chuck from life to groom up a fine son. Love, work and a few damn good whacks! That acting up should happen on the ball field not in a mall or store etc. Get him a team asap. Gym, horses anything.

Answer 9

i hate to say this but at three he still little let him cry or you can start to ignoring him and doing something fun and or stating I can't talk to babies write now I only talk to big boys or my cousin does this with my 3 year old boy all the time now she but's him in my baby's crib untill he stops acting like a baby, I am a single mother 0f 5 and I am 16 wks pregnant with lucky number 6

Answer 10

Hello

Sometimes my daughter is the same. I started a Behavior Jar about a year ago. This is how it works.
You get a small jar and about 50 marbles.
Now for everyday he is good and doesn't act up to bad then he gets 1 marble.
If he is bad he will get no marble for that day .or if he is very bad he will loss a marble as wellas not get one for that day.
Now for the good days. If he does a good deed or a chore without you asking he will get an extra marble.
try to explain this process to him.
Now for the payoff...
If he fills his jar with all 50 marbles then he can cash them in for a toy. This gives them a goal to aim for and lets them see what happens if they are bad.

My daughter can't wait to put her marble in . If she is bad she hates it but knows that she looses a marble. She then knows that it will take longer for her to get her toy or prize.

I hope this helps

Good Luck