I've been less interested in things that I once was...?

Question

Ever since I got my iPod taken away from me at Christmas, due to the fact that my secret came out about self-mutilation, although I did quit a good two months before that, I fear my life is just going downhill.

I joined the swim team, but now, two months into it, I'm bored of it. I do not want to go, I do not wish to go, I just want to stay at home and sleep or something.

I've always been an outstanding student in school, but I've lately wondered about the meaning of school. I realzied that I didn't like doing the projects, and I wasn't sure what I was doing. I'm only thirteen, but I am a freshmen in high school, and I am wondering what I want to do with my life.

I have a hard time making decisions, I've constasntly growing enormously dependent on people, and I'm afraid to express myself. My mom has found the journals I have wrote in, and that just adds on to everything that's going wrong.

I'm going to add more details...

I'm starting to realize that everything I once loved does not mean much to me.

I am not interested in music anymore, since I don't have it. I've stopped playing guitar. I do not do creative writing anymore, nor do I go and take pictures. I don't like hanging out with my friends anymore, I don't like watching movies, and I'm getting sick of reading books and going online. Anything a normal teenage girl would be interested in, I am not.

Am I hitting rock bottom?

I've contemplated seeking professional help, but my mom thinks I'm fine and I don't want to tell her that I'm a lot worse than she thinks I am, for she is quite old (seeing as my oldest sister is 27 and I am 13) and I do not want to trouble her, but I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore.

I feel callous and I don't know what I should do.
In fact, I'm not sure what my question is.
Maybe I just want some help, I'm not sure.

Answer 1

listen, i know how you feel
you have realised that nothing in life will really matter after a while anyways and wonder if its worth the effort
look, the only thing i can tell you is that no matter what life is really worth living
no matter how many hard times we go through its the good times we live for
look at life not like one problem after another but one opportunity after another
every breath we take is the essence of life and death
as we breathe in we take in life
and as we breathe out it leaves us again
think about life this way and realise that even if there is nothing worth living for that you should be glad you are alive
as for wondering what to do with your life, just wait you will figure something out; im 16 and i still dont know what i am going to do
just remember life is too short not to take every breath seriously
so heres what you do
go back to school
when your teacher gives you an assignment do it
go above and beyond
why?
not for you, not for your teacher, or your classmates
do it for those that cant
the blind and the deaf
and for those that died just to give you the chance
so many have died just so people like you and me can be here and worry about what our lives mean
take enjoyment from everything that life has to offer
sorrow, pain, sadness, heartbreak, and doubt
because if it wasnt for all of these things we would never know we were alive
if everything was just candy canes and lolly pops we would never be happy, nothing would be special
think about it, when you die your life will mean nothing
so what do you do?
stop living?
no
make your life mean something
the problem with society today is that noone has the will power to get past their own problems
sure its easier to stay at home and die
the reason you should fight to stay alive and fight for a reason to exist is because it is so much easier not to
theres an easy way and a right way to do everything the decision is up to you
our race, our society is going nowhere the way it is
everyone takes the easy way out without realising that just by existing you are just asking for hardships
if you dont want to feel pain, if you dont want to feel sorrow or sadness just die
if you really believe that the easy way is the right way then you diserve it
if, however, you are going to take the initiative to keep living why not give it all you've got
what have you got to loose?
the worst thing that can happen is you die
and you get what you wanted in the first place
now look at the faces of all the people you know
even if you hate them you stay alive for them
because even if you are annoyed to the point of aggrivation by someone, you would still rather not be alone
think about it carefully
dont let life pass you by
dont let the opportunity to make something of yourself pass you by
because theres one thing i know for sure
you are going to die one day
and when you lie there on your death bed you will undoubtably think to yourself "could i have done more"
and the answer is up to you
i know one thing
i would never make everything i have lived through worth nothing in the end
all the pain and all the sadness
but if it ends up meaning something, to someone then it was worth it wasn't it
because i dont care if i live or die
but they do
so live for them because so many gave what they held most dear in the belief that they would be remembered
and we dont even know their names
but even if they forget who we are and all we have done
just make sure that they can never say that your life was in vain
because its an uphill battle with no end
but that doesnt make it worthless
whatever mark you leave on this world is what you measure up to in the end
i hope you dont fear death
because as much of a mystery as it is
think about it, how much worst could it be than life
yea, life is probably a lot worse, its more chaotic and more painful
but the reason to put up with it is because you should
because everyone else takes the easy way out of everything
and don't you just want to know if you can

and if it ends up being worth it in the end would't that be worth it?
theres a 6 billion to 1 chance but isnt that worth staking your life on?

because all it takes is that life, that chance
to make a change that effects the world

but its ok if you dont want to
that doesnt mean that you should stress over little things
you came here with nothing and you will leave with the same
the only garuntee when you were born is that you were going to die
so make the most of it
dont be miserable your whole life, its not worth it
because no matter what, someone somewhere is far more unhappy
and if they can smile you can do it too
even if your heart is breaking dont ever loose your smile
its all you have to remind you that life is worth it

"remember yesterday
live for today
dream for tommorrow,
and never stop dieing
because you never will"
-dheeraj advani

Answer 2

At thirteen, you have many years to think about what you want to do with your life. Looking ahead to the future is often beneficial, but it is not an immediate concern. Liking yourself is.

You should be going to sleep-overs with friends, hanging out at the mall, giggling on the phone at all hours of the night and enjoying your life. You should not be withdrawing from all the things you ever cared about and feeling hopeless and helpless.

Evidently, your mom is not willing or not able to help you in your crisis. If she can't help you, then you need to find someone who can. It is absolutely imperative that you talk to an adult you trust and GET SOME HELP! The longer you let it go, the worse it will become and eventually, it will completely control you....if you let it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step in fixing it.

You claim that you don't know what your question was, but you answered it yourself. Your question was "How can I feel better?" The answer is get help. Reaching out to someone (even if it was complete strangers) is a very good sign. You are on your way. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

Answer 3

If you can do it, get a pet. If not get a plant. You need something to take care of. Your mother shouldn't have read your journals without permission(I never touched my daughters).You may also be old enough to get a work permit in your state. You might start experementing with a part time job or volunteering somewhere. You are normal for your age by the way. my grandmother called it"hormones kicking in" You think you're odd and that your parents are "wrong" about everything, but that's normal. In a few years you will suddenly see how right they were about somethings :) Just look around. The internet is a good place to start. Find something that interests you and try it out, you are young, You have years yet before you will "have" to decide about anything.Good luck

Answer 4

I would have to say you need to talk with your parents about takeing away your ipod for one, there should of been a time limit on it, starting with a short time , and get to a longer time. It seems that you became depressed when they took the ipod from you. Since you had quit hurting yourself months before they took the ipod, well i will tell you that was not fair, cause you were being punished for something that you had already done, and was not doing anymore. So i would say you need to talk with your parents about this problem, and also talk to a therapist, they can help you, you really need to take care of that depression you are having . And do it now, before it gets any worse. And your parents need to talk to a therapist, and learn what you are going through, and a better way for them to handle it, cause right now, i really do not think that they are handling it very well. So go and see a therapist, and get your parents involved, so they can understand, and will learn different ways to cope with you and your behavior, and give you the support and help, love, that you need right now. So please do not wait, just go , and try and get your parents involved too, so they can learn healthy ways of dealing with your problems, and you can learn some too, and also get some of that stuff you have been stuffing.

Answer 5

You need to get help. Do not let your mom talk you out of it. Even if she thinks you are fine, you know how you are feeling. Just the fact that you wrote this question, you know there is something wrong.
Get to a doctor and have them give you a complete physical. Be honest as possible and tell him about the self mutilation and the loss of interest in activites as well as feeling bored. Talk to him about depression. Don't let this go,do it now.

Answer 6

Oh sweetie....You need professional help. My own daughter is 14 (15 tomorrow) and I recently found out she had been cutting for 2 and a half years. I immediately got her into counseling and she is feeling much better just a few months later. I never punished her for it....she was being bullied at school and her dad had been very sick with 7 heart attacks within a few years and the stress was just too much for her. We are closer now then ever and she has not self-mutilated for months now. Talk to your counselor at school. They know just what to do. That is how I found out, some of my daughters friends went to him and "ratted" on her because they were worried. They can help you figure out a way to talk to your mom, or they can talk to her for you. Good luck babe, sending you warm fuzzy thoughts.

Answer 7

you are absolutely describing the criteria for the diagnosis of depression. i have been there myself. do not feel ashamed or embarassed or like a burden. you need to get some help. if you cannot go to a doctor on your own is there a nurse or counsellor or even teacher at your school you can approach? they would be able to help you or guide you to resources available in your area. how close are you with your sister? if you are able to talk to her about how you are feeling maybe you could bring it up with her and she could take you to a dr and help you talk to your mom about how you are feeling.
or do they have something like a kids help phone in your area if you do not have a close relative or friend to talk to?
depression is a valid illness. do not feel like you did something wrong or there is something wrong with you. thousands of people are dealing with depression and getting better. often a joint approach of medication + talk therapy is the best way to feel better.
i can relate somewhat to being young and in high school. i graduated high school at 16 and for the last 2 yrs i was there i worried all the time about what i wanted to do. i don't think you have to know what you want to do with the rest of your life at such a young age. you have several years in school left which you have the right to enjoy. and even if you don't know after graduating what you want to do, you can always take a year or two off and work or travel + work to get some "life experience". looking b ack i know that is something i should have done.
sorry this is so long but i urge you to please take care of yourself and talk to an adult you trust. you should not be having to deal with how you are feeling all by yourself.
you can cope with this and beat it and live the life you deserve to have!

Answer 8

Hey! you know what i think I think you need to find a new friend I donno about you whenever I get like that I love being with my friends! I'm only 16 so I know what its like in high school don give up in life haha It might seem corny and all my friends joke with me about it but if you have a positive attitude it really does change how you feel when I am having a crapy day i just think to myself tomorrow I am going to have a great day and if I really do think believe it my next day goes great I'm sure it sound like crap but it really works you just can sit around thinking about how crapy life is because then that's what will happen you "manifest was you think" jus keep that in mind I hope this helped =D

Answer 9

listen to me, the problem is not with you, it is with your parents. it sounds as if they have placed lots of standards and expectations for you to live up to. try to stay on their good side, its usually at this type of point in these relationships that parents and their children become estranged from each other. tell them you cannot live up to their demands and you are fed up of not being allowed to express yourself. explain that you have rights as a person as much as they do even if you are only young. also you should insist on seeing a doctor about the way you feel. even go by yourself but i dont know how it works im the US with insurance etc. i had a terrible upbringing and can certainly relate to your experience. you have to stand up for yourself but dont over do it, be nice. but persist.

Answer 10

You lost your toy. Your Ipod. It is a toy. You are now throwing a tantrum. You are hooked on that machine like someone is hooked on smoking, or drinking. It is just a crutch. Get on with your life which is all the other stuff outside your iPod. You are having problems making decisions. Is that because you relied on someone else in your ipod world to make them for you?