Is infidellity really normal bi-polar behaviour, or is he using his illness as an excuse?

Question

my partner is 32 years old and is bipolar and is on quite significant medication. Epilim 2000mg, Efexor 225mg and Ability 15 mg. We have been together for 3 years. We live together also. When he is well he says he loves me and everything is great, but when he is unwell he visits brothels, is unfaithful, signs up on singles sites, chats up other women to meet for sex. Im devasted and extremely hurt and upset. It is eroding all my confidence as a women. I feel our sex life is great and he admits that also, so why does he keep doing this.
Will he ever change or do i have to cut my losses and move on. When he is well he is the most loving partner and its hard to know what is real anymore.
Do you think he is using his illness as an excuse or would he really have no idea why he does these things. When asked by the doctors and by me he says he doesnt know why he does it, he just does.
I dont know how much more i can live with.

Answer 1

As plenty have already said, Bipolar is NOT an excuse for infidelity. Mania and medication that hype you up (Ie: Effexor, grrrr hate that stuff!) can be an explanation for hypersexual feelings, but that does not mean unfaithfulness.
I have Bipolar and am familiar with sexual excesses; I worked in the sex industry for years and I can reasure you that there are plenty of men out there WITHOUT Bipolar disorder doing what your partner does. It becomes an addiction like any other and has nothing to do with his mental illness. The fact that his doctor can't explain it should verify that.
I hate to say it, because I am all for standing by your man, especially if he is struggling with a mental illness, but my experience says that he won't change his ways, and whether you can live with that is up to you...

Answer 2

I know when I was mis-diagnosed with major depression and was given prozac, I went really manic and did do computer sex and some phone sex, and that was TOTALLY uncharacteristic behavior for me. However, my other behavior was so bizaare, that there would be no way I could have seemed halfway normal as this was happening. I think at that point, even a stranger could tell something was the matter with me (maybe not, hard to know, but my husband at that time should have known and helped me more). At that time, I didn't know what was wrong with me, and had no way to figure it out, either, because that was before the Internet.

the way I deal with it now is give my (second) husband my wallet and car keys when I am going off into mania, and ask him to monitor my computer use so I don't buy a lot of stuff and go into chat rooms or something. I warned him that I may not be faithful, so he needs to help me not hurt myself and him by acting inappropriately. I have asked him to call up the doctor if I won't, and I do also have a social worker and therapist. A person who is bipolar that the drugs are only helping somewhat needs to have an action plan on what their partner needs to do to keep them safe when they are sick. If his behavior isn't grossly disorganized and outrageous in other ways when he is being unfaithful, well, then, I think he's making excuses. He doesn't want to ask for help. I mean, you can mess up a couple times, but eventually you learn to manage your illness. Otherwise, a bipolar person has no business being in a relationship and hurting another person. (For example, I chose not to have kids, because I didn't think I could do that, but I have worked out a team plan for me and my husband, and it has worked well). A bipolar person can be a philanderer, too, and this could just be his handy excuse. I hope I gave you some insight into what could be going on. If it is the bipolar, he needs to take his meds more regularly, a lot of times people forget to take the pills and they can't work if you don't take them. (almost half of people don't take their pills as prescribed, really!!!) Otherwise, he needs more med tweaks. And frankly, if his bipolar is that bad, then he should really be in the hospital.

Answer 3

It is common behavior in a bipolar person, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Most of the people in my support group, the ones with bipolar, tend to do similar things when mania hits.
I noticed you said he takes 225 mg of Effexor. I find that odd, since a lot of psychiatrists will no longer prescribe Effexor to bipolars because of the high rate of inducing mania, even at a lower dose of 75mg. If he is still having mania problems, it is possible that the Effexor is competing with and cancelling out the benefits of Epilim.
I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 4

These behaviors can definitely be symptoms of BPD. The main problem here is that he's seeking help for some symptoms of his disorder, but not the symptoms that are hurtful to you. If his behavior makes you feel uncomfortable, then you might want to strongly consider moving on. Not all BPD behaviors can be controlled by medication...the behaviors that can't can unually be successfully controlled with therapy. If he cared about you as he says he does, then he wouldn't be using his disorder as an excuse for his actions...he'd be going to therapy and doing what he had to do to control his behavior so the person he supposedly loves isn't put through emotional turmoil.

Answer 5

As some one already posted, hyper-sexuality and "risky behaviors" are symptoms associated with the manic phase of Bipolar Disorder. Your partner is on quite a hefty regimen, but if he is regularly "not feeling good" and engaging in this type of behavior, perhaps he needs to look into additional therapies and medications. I would also suggest the 2 of you go to counseling together, and that you get a separate therapist to deal with how you feel as well. At least then if you decided to move on, you would have discussed it with a professional and not only gotten some insight into his behavior, but also into your willingness to stay in the relationship this long.

Answer 6

I have bipolar disorder and I've learned from past experience as well as hospitalizations due to the result of those experiences, that bipolar or not, we are ALL responsible for our behaviors. We have a disorder, yes, but it can be managed by medications and psychotherapy. When we're manic, we can be hyper sexual. In the past I had a therapist who suggested I take all that sexual energy that I displayed towards people I didn't even know and concentrate that on my own husband. I did it, it worked. But that is my choice and my responsibility. I just take the necessary steps to control myself during these episodes. If the guys cares for you and himself, he needs to make that decision for his relationship and to improve his own self-esteem.

Answer 7

Hypersexuality is, in fact, a symptom of mania, but that doesn't mean he has the right to cheat on you. He has to want to work on it, specifically. He should be able to recognize when he starts to slip into a mania and get meds adjusted accordingly before he's off doing whatever it is he does with his impaired judgement. It will take effort on his part, and patience on yours, but it can be done. He has to be willing, though, and if he's not he may not be worth it, if you know it's going to keep happening.

Answer 8

He is a real person, doing real destructive things with real people. Even if you give it a name, you can't make it be an excuse for the behavior. The fact is, he is what he is, and he does what he does........and it's unacceptable under any circumstances.
So long as you stay with him, he'll think it's OK. For yourself, you need to live in the real world with genuine, honorable relationships.

Answer 9

Move on - it can be normal behavior for someone with bi-polar - who cares? why deal with it. The fact that he has an illness is not an excuse for you to accept being treated like garbage.
Dump him. He really cares more about his illness than you. He is in love with the thrill it provides him.

Answer 10

the main important difference between a celebrity this is bi-polar and a typical individual who's bi-polar is that celebs can discover the money for his or her drugs for it devoid of having to do devoid of alternative mandatory products, like nutrition, housing, clothing, etc. I used to artwork with somebody that became bi-polar and that i felt sorry for her by way of fact she labored 2 jobs and had no medical wellbeing coverage. She became a single mom of two young infants and ought to no longer discover the money for her meds. She have been given fired from job after job by way of fact of her habit. I additionally think of that's erroneous for them to blame the way they behave on being bi-polar while they are able to locate the money for his or her meds. whether they have been on their medsm in the event that they're eating it is going to reason greater issues. they think of by way of fact they're popular they are able to do despite they want.