i want to hear a really dirty joke?

Answer 1

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

Answer 2

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bob played in the mud

Wanna hear a clean joke?
Bob took a bath with bubbles

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles was a girl

Answer 3

There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there in the hallway.

"What condition does he have?" the student asks.

"He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he doesn't obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he'll pass into a coma."

The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall. As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.

"What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"

"Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a better health plan

Answer 4

A boy was bothering his dad, so the dad gave his kid a dollar to go to the corner store to buy a dollar's worth of What's What. The boy goes to the store clerk and asks for a dollar's worth of What's What. Being immediately suspicious, the clerk tells the kid to go across the street and ask for some What's What. So the kid goes across the street, knocks on the door and a naked lady answers the door. Being only waist high to her, he points to her waist and asks, "What's that" and she replied What's What?" Then the kid replied, "I want a dollar's worth!"

Answer 5

A man just got a pay rise.
With money to spend, he went to a stall which sold scopes (aimers) for guns to replace the old one he had.
He walked up to the stallkeeper and asked him for the best scope available in the shop.
The storekeeper proudly took out the best he had.
He boasted: "This scope is so good, you could see my house which is 20 blocks away from here. Try it if you doubt me"
Obviously impressed, the man took the scope and looked towards the direction of where the shopkeeper pointed him towards.
Suddenly he began to giggle.
"What's so funny?"
The man replied "I can see a naked man and a naked woman. The man is chasing the woman round the sofa."
Enraged, the shopkeeper snatches the scope from the man and looks into it himself.
As it turns out the man was true to his word.
"Tell you what. Take two bullets and this gun. Shoot my wife in her head and the guy in his balls and I'll give you the scope for free."
The man agrees. He attaches the scope to the gun and loads the bullet.
He begins to aim, pauses, and then looks up.
"You know what, I think could do that in one shot."

Answer 6

little johnny went to a hill and rolled down all the way! and fell into a pool of mud!

that's really dirty of you, said his mom when he came home!

Answer 7

Two white horses fell in the mud. Three came out!

Answer 8

Really dirty? ok you asked for it!

How many calories do you get from eating pu$$y?

depends which way she wipes!

I think that's bout as dirty as it gets!

Answer 9

SO DO I TRUST ME HERES ONE THERE WAS A BLACK MAN POLISH AND CHINESE MAN THEY SLEPT AT A FARM AND THE GRANDMA HAD PLACED POPCORN ON THE STAIRS SO THEY WOULDNT GO UP TO SLEEP WITH THERE DAUGHTER SO THE BLACK MAN GOT UP AND PISSED ON THE POPCORN TO MAKE IT SOFT so it doesnt make noise HE COMES DOWN HOURS LATER TELLS THE CHINEse you gotta get some so he pisses on the popcorn and goes up then he comes down tells the polish you gotta try that stuff its good so he goes but he doesnt pee he`s silent then he come back and tells them you were right that hand buttered popcorn is good

Answer 10

There is a bear and a rabbit in the woods....

the bear asks the rabbit, do you have problems with **** sticking to your fur?

The rabbit says, no

so the bear wipes his *** with the rabbit.