Update on being shunned from mom's group because my son is disabled...now the woman is attacking me!?

Question

I emailed a request to join a playgroup. In my email I said that my son has cerebral palsy, and could we join the group? The woman (who is the leader) emailed me back and said that "I'm sure you would rather be in a special needs group." I emailed her back twice and said that no, it didn't need to be a special needs group.
She never responded.

So I emailed her today (after 8 days) and said that it seemed that she was being prejudiced and that's not right.

This is the reply I got: "Although you are obviously starved for attention and your comments are mere drivel, I feel compelled to reply.I do like how you have chosen to make yourself the MARTYR for special needs children in the playgroup circuit. That was a nice touch. Perhaps you can make yourself a cape or something. How dare you toss your socially discriminating rant in my direction..."

She then went on to say that my son would need years of therapy after dealing with me as his mother, calling me "Sybil" etc.

Thanks for your replies everyone. I did email her back and told her that she was reacting this way because she got "caught," and that her rude and childish comments are uncalled for. Unfortunately I have no idea where the group meets, because they only tell their members that. I think that she has convinced herself that she was *going* to invite us, but just hadn't gotten around to it yet...although she clearly made her intentions known with her first email to me, and then by not responding hoping I would go away. It's not a public group associated with any organization, otherwise I would go to the higher-ups. She is the higher-up in this situation. Thanks again for your replies, it does help me to know that there are lots of nice, good people out there!

Answer 1

wow...what a total, unsympathetic *****. I don't get how what you said is socially discriminating. isn't she the one discriminating or am I missing something here? They have a non-profit organization that helps the disabled integrate into 'regular' society. Maybe they have one in your area. Here it's called "Community Partnerships".

Answer 2

Is this playgroup part of another organization? If so, you need to write a formal complaint. Along with her response, PRINTED OUT from the actual screen which contains the e-mails and her e-mail address. If not, other than sending a very rude message back, there isn't much you can do. Seeing that she is the leader of the group, it is her choice. I can understand why she suggested a "special needs group" HOWEVER, her ignoring you and writing that childish message was completely uncalled for and unnecessary. I would write a very well thought out message back to her, telling her that SHE is discriminatory and rude. Also, that you are glad your child isn't going to be apart of her "prejudiced" playgroup.

Answer 3

Don't lower yourself to her level. You're better than that. Obviously, you don't want to be in her group. Just delete her emails and keep looking. I'm sure you'll find the group that's right for him.

And just a suggestion, you can take the same approach as when a disabled person is going to a job interview; don't mention his disability unless it directly affects his ability to participate. People are more willing to accept differences if they are noted on the side rather than a bold, upfront statement of fact. I try to use the words "by the way" to slip it in. It helps.

I wish you luck.

Blessings

Answer 4

Our local newsstations (we have 3) and they do different segments called "What's Bugging You?" People present their problem and they confront it for you. Wouldn't it be great if you could turn it over to someone like that!? I can't stand people who are power hungry, even when it comes to something that should be small and low key like a playgroup. This lady needs to be put in her place and confronted from someone other than you on her discriminating and rude ways. If you continue with this yourself, you may end up looking like the crazy lady she's painting you out to be. I would bring in another party if you are serious about it. As a mother myself, I would definately follow through with this. Momma lion needs to take care of her cubs!

Answer 5

I hate to say this, but let it go! Move on and give this attention to your child rather than to a person who deosn't deserve one second of your thoughts or attention. You can't change her opinion, so don't try to. The more you respond, the more she feels that she has gained power over you! She isn't worth your time, and I hate it for her kids that she is such a close-minded person! They will be the ones who suffer in the long run.
However, she will get what's coming to her in the long run! Kharma's a b-tch! And what goes around comes around, who knows what her life holds in store for her!
But, your being bitter or angry doesn't help you or your son! Try to find another play group, or better yet, start your own! Show her that she isn't as important as she thinks she is and that you, nor your son need her!

Answer 6

I'd be interested to read what you wrote as well to make sense of this. I find this ladies comments very offensive & rude & i would report her to somebody (although i have no idea who - perhaps the church/school etc that is running the playgroup). It was probably not right of you to accuse her of being prejudiced but she has no right to attack you back. How awful, it must have left you feeling very empty & upset.

Answer 7

My son has autism, and I've been so upset today because once again, I found out about a party that basically everyone was invited to, but him. So I know how you feel. It sucks, and it hurts. And you know what, you don't want your son around people like that. I'm not sure you even want to be around people like that. I mean, she was just flat out, plain RUDE. There's no other way around that. You don't need people like her in your life, you need mother's who can be supportive of you as a mom, especially as a mom of a special needs child. Hopefully you can find a playgroup for your child.
p.s. I understand ENTIRELY why you don't want your child in a special needs group...he has to learn to live around people WITHOUT special needs.

Answer 8

. . . and you want to hang out with her - why? Anyway, just what is a play group? You go somewhere to play with people? In my neighborhood, play occurs among children while the grownups keep on with their grownup duties. It is spontaneous and I think that is how children best like it.

I recommend scouts to you. Your son can be a Tiger Cub when he is in first grade or 6, I think. No one would be shunned in our Pack. Cub scouts prompts parent-child interaction in ways you may not have considered. Your child would be a member of a den that stays together for 5 years, longer if he goes on to be a boy scout. Cub scouting engages the whole family, you will meet other nice adults.

Playgroup, schmaygroup!

Answer 9

LOL she sounds like a b*tch. I wouldn't want to be in that playgroup in the first place. You should save the emails and find out if you can report her to someone. She is outright discriminating and not even trying to do it nicely.

Answer 10

As the mother of a special needs child, I think I would have jumped thru the computer at the woman. You have every right to be angry. How did you find the group? I would be posting a letter to my local newspaper's column "letter to the editor" that's for sure.

Stay positive. :)

Answer 11

if there is nobody above her to address this abonimable behaviour, I would be standing outside the door the next time the playgroup convened and hand out copies of her reply - hopefully the other parents will be righteously appalled and pull their kids out of that group, I sure wouldn't want someone like her around my kids!
Good luck finding a playgroup, I hope next time you get the respect you deserve!