im really down and i need a good laugh. i found out i didnt get into a secondary schol i worked hard for and i just want to take my mind off it.
2007-03-23 17:08:08 · 7 answers · asked by Chaaarlie! 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
how do you make Ohio State Buckeye cookies?
you put them in a BOWL and beat the for 60 minutes!! :) sry you didn't get into the school, its just their loss
2007-03-23 18:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, here are some:
LAW OF QUEUE
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster
than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE
When you dial a wrong number, you will never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat
tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are
with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE
People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle will arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
you to do something which will last until the coffee gets cold.
**********************************************
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "broker"?
Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Do you need a silencer to shoot a mime?
I'm really sorry to hear that you didn't get into the school you wanted....hope this cheered you up atleast a bit..☺
2007-03-24 00:30:34 · answer #2 · answered by Lamya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you know that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea? does that mean that the other one person enjoys it
2007-03-23 17:14:50 · answer #3 · answered by Lupita 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A news reporter asked a black woman from New Orleans how many Church's were destroyed from hurricane Katrina. She replied "nig** i don't know. i eat popeyes!"
2007-03-23 17:56:00 · answer #4 · answered by !~*brianna*~! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
speaking of those 4 out of 5 people...
How does a blind person know when they're done wiping their butt??
2007-03-23 17:23:17 · answer #5 · answered by Scotty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My girlfriend told me that sex was becoming a real pain in the ***.
I told her to flip over.
2007-03-23 18:56:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
here's my joke!
ok ok ok ok ok
i don'hav a joke sorry!
2007-03-23 18:11:16 · answer #7 · answered by punk'n'pretty 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋