I have a much higher sex drive than my boyfriend. Is that normal? I'm in my 30's and he's in his late 20s.

Answer 1

Talk to someone else. A therapist who specializes in relationships or sex would be even better.

If years of struggling with mental illness have taught me anything at all it is this: You cannot get rid of all of inaccurate, negative feelings on your own, even if you are perfectly sane. You and your boyfriend are locked into patterns of behavior and nothing in this universe but a fresh pair of eyes and a new brain is going to be able suggest a new path. Neither of you can see the forest for the trees right now. Stop trying. Ask for help.

I have been in your position, and I have recently had the even less enjoyable opportunity to be in your boyfriend’s position. So this is my informed, yet egotistical opinion:

You can have the perfect monogamous relationship or you can regularly refuse the sexual advances of your partner, but neither the guy nor the girl can pull off both. If this monogamous relationship is a priority to your boyfriend, and too you, you are going to have to strike a deal. Because despite what you said, this is perfectly capable of splitting you up! Not over the sex, but the rejection and stress and pain that goes with it. That IS a relationship killer. I hope you both can see that clearly.

So, first off: Get a fresh mind involved here. Someone who can see past the same old script you two are following. You aint gonna climb out of this hole all by yourself. You can go by yourself, or you can go as a couple, either way, go.

Secondly, redefine sex.

If your expectation each time you (or he) initiates a sexual situation is vaginal intercourse, then your expectation is ridiculous. If your expectation is orgasm, that might even be bit a high of an expectation. If the gender roles were reversed, I would, without a hint of shame, suggest to the women that she cheerfully give regular handjobs, blowjobs, lubejobs… whatever and to her man, that he cheerfully accept them in lieu of straight sex. In your case, mutual masturbation, little sexy shows for him (that you get off on), playing with toys with him or while he watches, sharing erotic stories or dirty talk, or for goodness sake go back to the dry humping of your early teens! If you start encompassing those things into your definition of “sex with my boyfriend” suddenly you’ll find yourself getting laid a hell of lot more.

One more word of advice: Don’t give me this I’m submissive bullcrap. I’m sure it’s perfectly true and may explain some of the trouble, but I will not accept that as any sort of ‘excuse’, neither will a therapist and neither should your boyfriend. I’m submissive. I’m submissive in the tie me up and call me your ***** way, but even I can suck it up and ask for, then pursue, what I want if I aint getting it. Open your mind, learn to initiate, learn to engage and maintain the action, practice it, and incorporate it into your style. As I said before, expand your horizons, take some chances and you will find yourself getting laid a hell of a lot more.

And yes, nothing I suggested may be quite as satisfying as what it is you want most of all. Try it all anyways with an eager and open mind. Tell your boyfriend before hand what it is you are trying so he isn’t confused, or even worse, rejects you because he thinks it’s just the same old pattern being played out. And if any of my suggestions are enjoyable, but just not as satisfying as you would like, suck it up and learn appreciate them as hundereds of men out there learn to live with handjobs when they really rather be having the sex their women just can’t put up with right then. Focus on the pleasure you are experiencing not the pleasure you aren’t.

Don’t forget the therapist. I’m not kidding. Make an appointment. Now.

Answer 2

He might be depressed, taking meds, just confused, or just plain happy not to be the slave of his sexual drive anymore (somehow).

Men might tend to enjoy sex as "yeah I'm having sex" and women "I'm making love with this guy" kind of way. But again I might be wrong. That's just something I read.

What that means is that if you're too available it might make things a bit predictable thus leading to loss of excitement

These are just theories though. I don't think sex should involve this much thinking or strategy.

Hope it works out well for ya. Um and... enjoy your sexual drive.

Answer 3

I'm in my late 20's and have a very high sex drive so what are you doing latter

Answer 4

i am 24 i have an very high sex drive but i am looking for that guy who can handle my sex drive so girl that is very normal you are at your sex peak

Answer 5

You're at the peak of your sexual drive. Woman in their thrities tend to be more drived to sax than at any other age. This sex drive statistic came from researcher Alfred Kinsey, PhD, who learned that women had more orgasm in their thirties than at any other time in their lifespan. This may be due to many reasons. Women in their thirties often have become more comfortable with their bodies and with their body responses. Their orgasms, sometimes from intercourse/penetration, more often than not, have become more reliable. They often have more self-confidence and a stronger sense of themselves. Women in their thirties also have a better sense of their needs, and perhaps are more willing to communicate their needs more fully. More familiar with their body responses, they can describe what they want to their partner more easily, thus increasing their sexual satisfaction. This increased sexual satisfaction can then result in a cycle of desiring more sex.

Another factor to take into account is the change in hormone levels as women age. As men and women age, their testosterone levels drop, with a slower decrease in testosterone in women. This gradual decrease can cause women to desire sex more often than men their own age. Also, as hormone levels fluctuate in a thirtyish-year-old woman, her desire for sex may change, as well. In most cases, the desire for sex increases.

People are unique individuals who'll desire sex in different ways and quantities. In the meantime, you can enjoy your sexual energy, your lust, your fantasies, and your magnificent thirties. Contrary to what many believe, life isn't all downhill from here. As people grow older, what they lose in frequency, they make up in quality. Just think of sexuality and pleasure as improving with age, similar to fine wine.

Hope this helps asnwering your question.

Answer 6

most women peak sexually in their thirties and men at 18-20 so this is normal

Answer 7

that is totally normal.. =0)

Answer 8

No its not normal. He is getting it somewhere else. You are his mammy not his lover.

Answer 9

LOL!!! Thought I was reading my own question here.....Glad some other people answered it!

Answer 10

thats funny maybe he is gay...