When I was 25, I used to babysit my neighbor's son who was around 13 at the time. We got pretty close during those years, and when he turned 15, he started to develop feelings for me (or at least that's when he started to show them). Even though I could tell he was going to be a handsome man someday, he was still just a kid at that time so I stayed away from him from then on. Our families are pretty close so I tried my best to avoid him over the years. But now I am 33 years old and he is 21 years old and he is as handsome and charming as I knew he'd be. The problem is he STILL has feelings for me after all these years. He recently let me know that he still wants to be with me.
I don't know what to do about this. The truth is I'm deeply attracted to him. (I think I always was I just buried it inside me) But I can't get over the fact that he's 21 and I'm 33. Should I finally give him a chance? Or is it sick to be even considering this?
2007-03-23 16:08:39 · 43 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is not sick at all.
12 years difference (or any number of years, for that matter) is nothing no matter what people say as long as you're both consenting adults attracted to each others.
When he was younger, it would not have been appropriate because he was just a kid so you wisely and patiently waited over the years and now it's ok and legal...
Usually, in those situations, the woman over 30 is already married with kids by the time the young man reach adulthood so it's too late for him and he ends up with a woman in her 20s. dreaming about what could have been.
I don't know why you still have not settle down at 33. Maybe your job is too demanding. Women usually feel the urge to bear children around the age of 25 and really are looking for a boyfriend and a potential husband around that age.
If you're 33, still single and no kids, no wonder you're deeply attracted to a young man, forget how old he is. Apparently, that young man knows that you're still single and he may feel his chance has finally come.
You're single, he's single and you're both adults. Do whatever you wish. He could be 90 years old...as long as you want each other, just accept that for what it is: something that do not happen often and never for some people.
2007-03-23 16:42:58 · answer #1 · answered by Sallie W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm My wife is 31 and I'm 24 ... sometimes its good for the woman to be much older then the male. She would have had more time to do the things she wanted to do before settling down. Also an older woman will most likely have more strength and the ability to train your younger man into the man he should be if he is not already. You can offer each other things that each other needs beyond the bedroom. He will have more respect for you as you are in a position of power psychologically. Kinda depends on what your looking for. Age really isn't an issue if he is mentally and emotionally mature for his age. Look at bigger issues like how serious are you about being with him. Can't go into a relationship with some body whose so close to you already with whom your families are so close as well. If both of your aren't ready for a 100% committed relationship then just stay friends ... its not worth a fling to destroy friendships. Talk about what the two of you really want from each other. Make sure its more then just a physical thing. Good luck.
2007-03-23 16:21:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are both single and there are no family issues with it... go for it... he is of age. The only time I think that it is a bit odd is when you start talking closer to a 20+ year difference....12 years is touchy but not so bad.
You are not sick, obviously this isn't something that happened overnight and something you have fought for a long time. I see no harm in giving it a chance now that he is of age... not like you are talking marriage and babies out of no where!
Just be prepared for funny looks and people who are not so understanding of an age differance... for whatever reason it always seems that an older woman gets more flack for dating younger men then a man gets for dateing a younger woman(unless you are talking a BIG difference).
So just relax and take a chance! It is just dating!
2007-03-23 16:21:25 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ PrincessLeia ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's look at his another way, and just see if this helps you to put your mind at ease about going ahead and following your heart.
1. Let's say your ages were reversed.
2. And your families never knew each other,
3. And you two never knew one another.
So then we have an active healthy 33 year old male and a vibrant 21 year old female who are mutually and physically attracted to one another and who have deep feelings for one another that goes beyond sexual yearnings, can you think of any reason that they should not pursue a relationship?
Now I don't know about you but that sounds like the makings of a normal healthy relationship to me. One that has as good a chance of sucess as any I can think of anyway. How about you?
2007-03-31 15:35:44 · answer #4 · answered by jtrall25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definitely give him a chance. You should never let these opportunities pass you, because they could end up being the only ones. Age differences are common relationship problems, but the time will come when that MAY be an issue, and the time is not now.
Remember: When you're he's 88 and you're 100, there'll hardly be a difference at all.
2007-03-23 16:13:38 · answer #5 · answered by AnneMarie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it! I was doing the doo with a 33 year old lady when I was 15 and I can say that it was awesome. Give him a chance and see what becomes of it. BUT, as you have said that your families are really close, it may be a hard issue with them. I still say go for it and let him know that you have the same feelings for him. Later...
2007-03-31 16:11:29 · answer #6 · answered by dude 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At this point, you're not gonna go to jail. It is totally different though because you have known him since he was 13. It's not like you went out and met a 21 year old. Then you have to deal with the parents as well, if it were to go that far. Do you want to go through all that? I don't know the shelf life of such a relationship.
2007-03-31 08:42:31 · answer #7 · answered by Solomon Grundy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i woul not say it it sick now but the ? is has he even experienced life yet at all with other girls..you looking at him that way when he was younger is not good however you did the right thing holding back.i guess you should really do some soul searchin on this one and ask if he was your son would you want a 33 year old woman with him.sometimes attration gets the best of us and im sure it makes you feel good that a young man wants you.just follow the truth and your heart and over all options before you act on it..take care..
2007-03-23 16:16:04 · answer #8 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you wont go to jail so thats a peace of mind. He is over 18. If he's in school and doing good and has a great job. If you feel it can happen do it. Give him a chance. You never know, but becareful too. Maybe it can be a fantasy he has. Its only o so up to you, if you want to go ahead with it. Obviously he wants you. Just date dont have sex until later. Make sure thats he likes you for you and not because you were his hot babysitter. I used to babysit and they liked me too. Is a fantasy thing that boys develope.
2007-03-23 16:14:37 · answer #9 · answered by thatswhoIam 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awwww! I found that story cute! I'm 20 and my fiance is 27.... age is nothing hun. But things will be hard at some times only because you have experienced more in life than he has and you may or may not argue bout the smallest things. We fight only cuz hes ready to settle down and I'm just now entering the real world. I say go for it and have fun! Life is too short to worry about what people think! Good luck*
2007-03-23 16:36:21 · answer #10 · answered by .dreamin.w/.him. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋