What is the best way to tell a child about a death in the family (Grandparent)?

Question

In my daughter's best friend's family the Grandpa committed suicide Thursday, but this brings the subject up in our household also (kids talk). My mother is diagnosed with a terminal cancer and it won't be long until I have to address this directly with my daughter. She is 6 years old. Recommendations?

Thank you so much to all answerers. I will consider all suggestions. My little girl is so smart that I am afraid that she will see through all my platitudes. I do believe that death is just a part of the circle of life. It doesn't make it hurt ant less though.

Answer 1

When my father passed away he was sick for months in the hospital wth leukiema. When we found out he wasn't going to make it we told all the kids in our family that he was going to be in a better place soon, and he won't be hurting anymore. It's hard to explain death to someone young, but if you make it sound like it's better that they go to heaven then stay here, it'll be a little easier.

Answer 2

I have a 5 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. My husbands mother is in stage 4 of bone cancer. She doesn't have much longer, probably 6 months at the most. I haven't told my son that Mema is going to die. I told him that Mema is very sick and the drs are trying to make her better. Tuesday was the first time he saw her in about a month, and she looked a lot different from before--he hair has grown back, but she looks very tired and pale. Micah asked her why she didn't feel good and she told him that she was sick, but didn't go into details. He knows that Mema is not the same but he doesn't treat her any differently. He climbed up in bed with her and would tell her stories. He would ask if she wanted anything, or if she had to go to the bathroom. My son is very smart, and I believe he knows the truth. But it doesnt matter because he loves her. Kids are funny. They can accept things easier than adults because we are always looking for a reason or an explanation. Kids accept that whatever happens happens, and they are more comfortable because they aren't afraid. He hasn't asked anymore questions since our visit bc (I believe) he knows all he needs to know. When the time gets close, I will encourage him to spend as much time with her as possible. When I have to tell him that she's passed, I will be honest. I will tell him that Mema was very sick, as he knew, and that sometimes when someone is that sick, they don't get better here, but God takes them to get better in Heaven. I'll say that even though we miss Mema, she's not sick anymore, and she doesn't hurt. I will answer his questions as best I can, and if he cries, I'll cry with him. I don't know of a perfect way to tell a child about death, we can only do what we think is best. Every child is different, so they need to be told according to what you know and feel about how they will understand and/or take it. I'm sorry about your mother, and I will think of you and your family often.

Answer 3

I empathize with you in your situation.
My advise in telling a six year old that her grandmother is dying is don't.
What does need to be done now is to let the child know that grandma is sick. There is always hope that she'll recover. Children at the age of six take information in a little at a time.
VIsit grandma as was said in other responses. This is important. The relationship shouldn't change until it really has to.
Of course, we have to answer the questions that our children ask but I don't think we need to explain 'cancer' to a six year old. To tell the child grandma is sick is enough. Maybe not only that she is sick but also that it is a serious sickness. You don't want the child thinking she's facing the same fate should she become ill,.
Keep everything short, honest and as uncomplicated (no details) as you possibly can while still answering her questions (short form answers).

As much as we would like to protect our children from experiencing the death of a loved one, we simply cannot. Try to support the child in whatever their feelings are throughout the upcoming tradgdy.
They may feel fearful - reassure the child
they may feel angry - understand the anger and show compassion
they may feel alone - let them know you're there.
Most importantly, and it won't be easy as you will have your own emotions to deal with.... help them talk about what they're feeling, thinking, understanding. Listen to them.
Don't forget to ensure you have the support you need as well. We can't help our little ones if we are falling apart ourselves. It's not going to be easy for anyone.
I wish you lots of love, support and strength.
Be well.

Answer 4

Your daughter's intelligence will appreciate that not only is death a part of the circle of life but life as we know it couldn't exist without death. If an adorable, precious baby is born and no one ever dies, there will soon be no room on this crowded planet for any adorable precious baby. This is something you might point out and she will think about it and know it is true.

Answer 5

Keep it as simple and as honest as you can. You can't hide it, she will notice sooner or later. There is no easy way to tell anyone that someone they love is sick or that they have died. Please make sure you get plenty of pictures of your daughter and your Mom together now, before the cancer & treatment start to take their toll. They are something you and she will treasure later. Have your Mom (or make it a family project) put together a memory book for all of you to share...there are many different styles of memory books that you can just fill in at any good book store....my heart goes out to you, you have a hard road a head of you....Best wishes

Answer 6

SIT HER DOWN WATCH SOME T.V. FOR AWHILE THEN SAY OK HONEY I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE SOMETHING REALLY SAD HAPPENED TODAY,YESTERDAY(WHATEVER) GRANDMA JUST HEARD FROM HER DOCTOR THAT SHE HAS CANCER(EXPLAIN TO HER WHAT CANCER IS SOME KIDS DONT KNOW) BUT DONT WORRY BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT TRUST ME AND JUST TO SHOW U WE WILL GO SEE GRANDMA (EVERYDAY OR WEEK WHATEVER) THEN SHE'LL PROBABLY ASK U SOME QUESTIONS ANSWER THEM THEN TO GET HER MIND OFF OF THAT ASK HER IF SHE WOULD LIKE TO MAKE GRANDMA A GET WELL CARD! I HAD TO TELL MY 6YEAR OLD THIS AND SHE TOOK IT FIND THERE WAS A LITTLE CRYING BUT SHE MADE IT THROUGH AND SHE SAID TO ME THAT SHE IS HAPPY WE HAD THIS TALK TOGETHER AND THAT I'M NOT KEEPING THIS AWAY FROM HER. THE REASON WHY U HAVE HER VISIT GRANDMA IS BECAUSE IN THAT POINT IN HER LIFE SHE MAY FEEL LIKE SHES ALONE AND NEEDS TO SEE HER GRANDMA TRUST ME IT WORKS

Answer 7

It is hard to tell a child that soon she'll have to say goodbye to her grandmother. But I think a subtle way of explaining things would make it easier for her to understand. And I am sure you're daughter is a very smart girl.

Answer 8

Actually sorry to ddisapoint u there is none! My grandma passed away this winter and when my mom told me i wanted to just crawl out of my skin. One suggestion never say that you cant bring them back because that just makes you even more sad. And for your daughter try saying that Grandma moved on into another world and one day you'll meet her there! Hope i helped..

Answer 9

You have pretty much already answered your own question. Children are generally smarter than we give them credit for and understand more than you think.
Be straight with her, give her ther truth. Dying is a part of life. Try to explain that it's more important to celebrate the life of a departed loved one than mourn about their passing.
Leave any references to religion out of it.

Answer 10

my youngest son was very close to my sis. when she was diagnosed with cancer he was 6yrs. we told him she was sick and the doctors were doing their best to make her well again. i didn't say cancer until we knew there was no hope b/c my bro in law died a year previous from it and we didn't want to scare our son. when we finally told him that his aunt was not going to survive he cried but he seemed okay. he drew her pictures and went to see her until she said no more. she didn't want him to see her like that. when she passed, he was 7.again, i told him the truth. we told him how much she loved him and how she would miss him but that she would be watching over him. if he ever wanted to talk to her, he only needed to think of her. again he cried. lots harder this time but he did fine. kids are more resiliant than we give them credit for. my son surprised me. i'll bet your daughter will surprise you too. i'm very sorry to hear of your mom. i wish you all the best.