I have never met this girl until recently when she showed up at a public function and announced that she was my sister. I know my father adopted her many years ago when he left my mother and me when I was young . I had never met her. This is the first time seeing her but she seems to know all about me and my family. Should I concider her my sister. It's too late for my father, he has advanced alzheimers. She was kind enough to tell me that much. She is also very bitter and says she always wanted a sister and blamed me for not seeing him and her. I never knew where they lived until now. She said I ruined her life.
2007-03-23 14:09:28 · 22 answers · asked by kylas_nana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You have not ruined her life, that is just ridiculous for her to even tell you that. Your Father made a choice to leave you and your Mom and this woman needs to understand that this situation is his fault, not yours.
If she wants to be accepted by you then she needs to respect you and respect starts with not placing blame on you for something that happened when you were a child. Ask her to put herself in your shoes. When a parent leaves they leave behind a lot of emotion especially for a child. You don't need to make her a part of your life unless you want to but if she is going to make a negative impact on you and your family then it's important for you to think twice before you allow her to come into your life. I know this must be so hard for you so please pray and ask God to guide you in whatever decision you make. I hope I have helped. God Bless!
2007-03-23 14:55:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like sis has issues she may need to see a professional. I know how it is when you don't have the slightest idea of where your real father is. I am 30 and have a family of my own now, but the last time I even spoke to my biological father was before my wedding. I have no idea where he lives now, or if he even remembers me. If he suddenly had some woman claiming to be his adopted daughter, I would contact some of the family and try to get the real dish on that situation! Do not assume that she truly wants to be close, she seems like the type to hold a grudge, and likes to play the victim. How could you have ruined the life of someone you never met.
2007-03-23 21:16:00 · answer #2 · answered by Poot's Mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't to blame...
and it's not your fault you never met her -- you didn't have control of that when you were a child. what were you supposed to do? steal a car and go find her? i didn't think so.
It's not her fault you are his biological daughter (she needs to get over it).
She is probably bitter because she feels "left out" of the family, and may be a little immature at this point in her life to find acceptance about the past.
If you think she's a decent person, despite all of this drama, perhaps you and her could talk on the phone and arrange a lunch or dinner somewhere. You could discuss things and see if you two are compatible, and have anything in common.
You didn't ruin her life, hon.
If you girls get to know each other, you can then decide whether you want to consider each other sisters.
take care of YOU, and decide what is best for your life.
2007-03-23 21:21:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did you ruin her life? You might want to try a relationship if she can get past her anger. There is no blood relationship though. I met my half sister when I was about 12. I consider her my sister but I don't feel exactly the same tie as I do with my other sister who had the same parents as I. We actually get along just fine but I guess we didn't grow up together and that makes the difference.
2007-03-23 21:16:04 · answer #4 · answered by greenfrogs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know what the age difference are between you and your sister. But your father did let her into his life. I'm sorry to hear about your father and his condition. You and your sister need to sit down and have a TRUE talk about your feelings. When I say true I mean holding nothing back and after the talk if the two of y'll feel like y'll dont want to get to know each other, then hey let it go. As far as her saying that she ruined your life, that I do not understand. You need to look to see what was going on: remember there are alway 3 sides to a story ( his/hers, yours and the truth). U said that she knows alot about your family, maybe your dad compared the two of you to each other, maybe she felt as if your dad would rather be with you than her ( i dont know just grasping at straws) But honestly sit down with her and talk things out.
2007-03-23 21:23:22 · answer #5 · answered by SWEET HEART 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
geez. what a wonderful "sister"... no, I don't think that you have to necessarily consider her your sister, but you should accept her, because there's nothing you can do about it anyway. Try to be friends with her, but if she's still bitter, then just accept the fact that she's his adopted daughter and nothing more. You DIDN'T ruin her life. How could you? He walked out on YOU, you didn't walk out on your father.
2007-03-23 21:16:09 · answer #6 · answered by angie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can consider her your adopted sister whom you were not raised with as that is the true relationship. Don't expect the same type of relationship with her as you would a sister that you were raised in the home with since diapers. Be polite and friendly and leave it at that. Leave the past in the past, neither of you had control on the choices that your parents made.
2007-03-23 21:15:51 · answer #7 · answered by FuzzyPinkBathrobe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh no run if she is blaming you for anything already what will she blame you for in the future say your hi's then please say your bye's she is looking for trouble and don't let her in your space she might be jealous because he is your biological father she sounds like she needs help but I don't think you should try to help her. her blaming you is an early sign of the future her as your sister be nice and kind but do not develop a friendship or you might just regret it.
2007-03-23 21:18:01 · answer #8 · answered by crystal_clear_0000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like SHE hasn't accepted YOU. I'd accept her, for sure, but don't let her talk to you like you're a nobody either. What happened happened, and you can't change the past. I would just be available if she wants to build a relationship with you, but don't waste your energy if she's that bitter towards you.
2007-03-23 21:13:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no need to have someone who is bitter in your life. Since she can't lash out at your dad she is blaming you for his neglect. Don't let her make you feel guilty for your dad doing the disappearing act. She has issues and needs therapy.
2007-03-23 21:19:00 · answer #10 · answered by lady01love 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋