How do your raise masculine, charming, confident sons if your husband is not?

Question

I would like to raise my sons be all these things. I love my husband, so I don't want to sound like I am putting him down. However, he doesn't look people in the eye, doesn't stand up for himself, and is very nervous. He is far from confident or charming and has some very feminine characteristics. He has never played sports.

I don't mind that he is this way; I love him! However, I am wondering how to raise my sons as confident charming individuals when they don't have a male role model to teach them. What can I do to ensure that they have outgoing personalities?

hmmm...I never said I wouldn't love them. I said I wanted to teach them the ability to be these things. Thats what parents are supposed to do....raise them with qualities the parent thinks is important. ty.

Danny, I laugh that you would sit there and write a paragraph about something you know absolutely nothing about. Stop putting words in my mouth. I never said my husband "wasnt good enough" for my boys. I think it's sick that you're suggesting that because there are a bunch of crappy guys out there that I should "feel lucky" that he takes care of them and that should be good enough, i shouldn't expect more? How dare you suggest such a thing. There is more to raising children then bringing home a paycheck. But you probably wouldn't know anything about that..

Answer 1

First of all that danny guy has issues. I get what you're saying, and I don't think you're trying to say if they turned out like him you would be disappointed, but OBVIOUSLY you wouldn't teach them to be shy or nervous.

You want them to be self-assured, confident, respectful, charming. Nothing wrong with that, I want my sons to be the same way. Doesn't mean I think my husband is perfect or that I don't love him b/c I accept his flaws. We all have them, including danny guy, and including your kids and mine.

I'm making sure my children have confidence and are self-assured b/c I feel my parents loved me alot, but didn't make sure enough that I had good self-esteem. It took me a while to aquire that on my own. If they did a better job, maybe I wouldn't have dated some of the jerks I did. But i'm not blaming them of course.

I think if you always communicate with them, let them know to always treat a women with respect, NEVER to lay a hand on a girl, to always treat the girl/women you like/love special. To make sure you support them whatever they want to do - sports, arts, whatever. As long as you don't want them to be something they are not, and force them say into football and all they want to do is play chess, they will know you love them unconditionally. THAT gives a child a secure, confident feeling. Some are shy anyway, but you and your hubby loving them to the fullest, praising them, showing them how to be respectful, will be a huge part in raising them right.

Answer 2

I'm trying to think of the man you are trying to describe and the biggest quality that your trying to portray is respect. To show you respect someone you look them in the eye. This goes along with charming as well. If a man respects a girl he pulls out her chair, opens the door for her even through arguement, he doesn't whistle down the hallway at her when she walks past him.
Put him in football (military)... something that requires a heirarchy where he learns how to show respect and what he can gain from showing that respect!
Good luck!

Answer 3

i became raised masculine and "macho" i think. and that i'm nevertheless one hundred% gay. extremely notwithstanding in case you raised your baby interior the main masculine way ever, it won't influence if he's fascinated in men or no longer. Being raised in a undeniable way would not be certain while you're gay or no longer. you're born gay, you do no longer substitute into it by the years. so which you haven't any longer have been given any risk what so ever to be certain if he's gay or no longer. no rely the way you strengthen him. because of the fact he's gay from the commencing up.

Answer 4

I can't help but wonder if you truly love your husband if you don't feel he is an adequate role model for the boys. If he is really good enough for you, why isn't he good enough for them? Are you saying that women just like you, who would love men just like your husband, aren't good enough for your boys? Your husband may be shy, but at least you are not a football widow, or alone because he was too macho to stick around and raise his children himself. A man who actually raises his children, loves them, provides for them, is there for them. In this day and age, that can be pretty rare. He sounds like a great role model to me! Be thankful you found such a good man. Concentrate on all of his many good points, instead of on his minor flaws. No one is perfect, but some are much better than others. You got a good one, probably better than you deserve.

Answer 5

first of all I admire the fact that you can be honest about his flaws and still love him he will thank you for this you are a good person!! I am very outgoing and personable smart funny respectful and I was kind of a '''badass'' in school same for my brother but my sister on the otherhand is not she is shy and is with a guy who I'd never be with he is mean and pushy I guess my point is we were all raised in the exact same house and came out different even my brother and I are different allthough both very outspoken bein a bit withdrawn can keep you out of trouble at times and is a good trait my son is a spitting image of me inside and out even his grades and love of education along with a smartass argue with a brickwall attitude mimic me his''not biological'' daddy is one to stick up for himself and highly respected but not one to make friends as quickly as I , I am pregnant with his son due in june and I totally want this kid to be like him he is very admirable ''even down to raising my son with me from age 15 months until now '' thank god he takes after me and my husband not his sperm donor!! Good luck and sorry for the novel

Answer 6

You have to consider genetic predisposition. You may not be able to stop them taking after him, but remember, you are a role model too, and you might even spend more time with them.
As long as they see you living your values, this will be a strong influence in their lives.

Answer 7

I think that often with many guys their best is brought out by their children, what you will proberly find is that if they want to play sport he will play with them even if he doesn't want to play that sport just spend quality time, and that is fair enough but its not all about sport, often as with my Dad and I we are very different inderviduals and we hardly ever act in a similar manner so you can't really tell what is going to happen, you should love your kids for who they are, who ever they are.