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Just broke up with my boyfriend, who was also my best friend. I miss him but he's just not good for me. HELP. :-(

2007-03-23 12:34:21 · 13 answers · asked by Nina7746 2 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

13 answers

1. Realize what happened and why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this is not all your fault. It takes two people to make a relationship start, and one discordant person is enough to have it break up.
2. Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt and feel alone and feel like you have messed up. But you have to know that you are a good person and this is not all one-sided.
3. Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no IMing, and most importantly, no sex- not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).
4. Think through everything in your head. Maybe even try to ask yourself what went wrong. But you also have to think of why you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason but it wasn't a good one, then this person isn't worth your time.
5. Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the "split" was. You may even feel like you hate yourself, but get out of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart for no reason.
6. Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too and that you don't need this sort of pain.
7. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" what you're supposed to be learning from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.
8. Clean up! A breakup usually signifies a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming, and will just add to your stress level.
9. Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, try to think of how happy that memory used to make you, and leave it at that.
10. Don't overreact. You may be feeling lonely, and want to be with someone, but don't go back to your ex unless you really believe you should be together. Likewise, don't jump into another relationship as a rebound, just to make yourself feel better. It's not fair to the other person, and will eventually lead to another breakup.
11. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there's more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
12. Stay active. It's scientifically proven that exercise improves your mood, and the distraction will help keep your mind off the situation. Go running outside, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.
13. Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and having hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, all good things must come to an end. And when they do, that's when you see all the flaws in your relationship and that it's best that you aren't together.
14. As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being. Know what you want and commit to it.

2007-03-23 12:37:01 · answer #1 · answered by cool&laid-back 2 · 1 1

1

2016-05-07 15:45:10 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica 3 · 0 0

I am actually going through a similar situation, and I have found that just going out with my friends and meeting new people is the best thing. Not going out to find a new boyfriend but just meeting new and different people has helped me to see that I made the right decision and that there are better potential boyfriends and best friends out there.

2007-03-23 12:40:30 · answer #3 · answered by SnapFlash 1 · 0 0

It can take time, and ofcourse u will feel sad and down for a while.
But something that could help is to talk with your friends, and to spend time with them. If you're on your own, u'll just start missing him. Just keep yourself busy with all kind of activities, and keep yourself surrounded by your friends!

2007-03-23 12:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by carolina 2 · 0 0

you should start looking at other guys!!! i mean i had the same problem when i broke u with my boyfriend ;he was soooo nice but he just wasnt good for me so start looking for someone new and look at hot guys when you go to the bech or mall.. u will eventully find the right guy for you that treats u right and itsnt a jerk..

2007-03-23 12:41:22 · answer #5 · answered by ~system~of~a~down~luver~ 2 · 0 0

First off I'd like to say Kuddo's to you for breaking up with him. I just broke up with my boyfriend too. It's never easy especially when you love them still.
Keep youreself occupied! Friends /Family and loved one's are need right now. Surround youreself with positive people, mingle, go out , travel and do things for you. Give youreself something you deserve! Go shopping, spa treatment, anything...
Love youreself and give youreself time to heal! =)

You'll be okay! =)

2007-03-23 12:38:27 · answer #6 · answered by lotsofluv007 4 · 0 0

Oh man... whats up with that 1st answer, cool & laid-back? More like uncool and LAME.

Look the best way to get over a guy, is to get under one. Just remember to keep him under wraps. wink wink....

2007-03-23 12:39:57 · answer #7 · answered by jeff the drunk 6 · 0 0

Go out with your friends and meet a new man. Simple recipe.

2007-03-23 12:37:59 · answer #8 · answered by Dragonfly 2 · 0 0

build a bridge

2007-03-23 12:38:14 · answer #9 · answered by Breaker's Lax Rules!!! 2 · 0 0

have a one night stand but use a rubber

2007-03-23 12:37:48 · answer #10 · answered by March !2th 20!2 2 · 0 0

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