what do i do?

Question

The woman that adopted my daughter just told me to live my own life. i dont think i can. it was an open adoption. i dont want to give up hope that we will be in each others lives later. if i walk away she may think i dont love her. its been 6 years, i still miss her so bad. i wish i could go back in time. nobody said i would hurt 4ever,

i was young and confused. everyone said it was best 4 her. with the adoption being open i have rights. i was smart enuff to make her buy me my own lawyer . now i cant afford one to fight her. they are super rich. imake 85,000 a year, she has a million.

i dont want to see her, she is only 6. i dont want to confuse her or hurt her. i just want the promised letters and pictures twice a year. i dont think thats too much to ask.

how does the mom sending me pictures twice a year hurt anyone?

Answer 1

wow this is a really touchy subject...so ima just gonna give you advice.... im pretty sure theres no time machine...nor can you go back on your adoption... but i know for a fact that if the papers were signed for an open adoption, the adoptive mother can't just shut you out of your daughter's life. its time for you to make some legal calls and find out what u can do.... becuz she cant do this to u

Answer 2

I am so sorry. You are not alone. Open adoption is often a myth and tactic used by the adoption industry. What you are going through is very common. It takes a mature and educated adoptive mother who has the strength and wisdom enough to respect the open adoption agreement. Once a child becomes verbal and starts to express their feelings about their first mother, sometimes adoptive mothers can become extremely jealous and insecure.

Is it in the legal papers that this is an open adoption? If she is not complying with what she has signed and agreed to, then you need to contact legal aid if you cannot afford a lawyer. But know that even then, you may find yourself in a situation where there is nothing you can do until she reaches 18.

At this point the best thing you can do is find support with a local group of first mothers, who not only will understand and support you, but also know of any legal resources you can turn to if possible. I'm not sure what country or state you are in, but you could email me and I can give you some links.

No one ever says it would hurt forever. That is a lie. As an adoptee I can tell you there has never been a day gone by I don't think about my first mother. You have my best wishes.

Answer 3

Girl, go get ur baby! But only if u promise to stay n that child's life. There have been too many times when the biological parents come back for their kids and then they leave. That is THE worst feeling in the world for a child growing up b/c u left them twice and in some cases more than 2 times. If u make an effort to get back into this baby's life, u better stay committed to her! This woman is only protecting the child from heartache. Show her that u mean business and I'm sure that once she sees ur dedication to this child, she may consider giving u the chance that u never gave ur child. Please don't give up. U can change this childs life if u become involved for good or bad. I hope u make the right decision.

Answer 4

I can understand that it must be painful to question your decision now and try to live with it. Are you only asking for the photo's and updates twice a year or are you making more contact with them than that? Something must be threatening to them about the connection that is making her feel like you are going too far. Try to keep in mind what the family must be feeling like. There is probably a lot of fear on their part that your intentions are to step back in and try to challenge the adoption to take her back. They have bonded with the child and made her their own and are probably feeling like you are having second thoughts. Try to talk to the family and find out what the concerns are from their stand point.

It sounds like maybe you are trying to establish more contact with your child than twice a year and the family is asking you to back down some so they have time to grow and raise her in the way they see fit. I know it hurts to be told to "live your own life" and I would never tell you to forget the child that you carried and gave birth to, because that is not possible. But maybe they are not comfortable with your contact with them and don't want to confuse the child as to what the situation is. It's up to them when and how they tell her she's been adopted and explain it to her.

Answer 5

In my all honest opinion, you cannot blame her for asking you to not get involved. As a mother (and she is now), she has every right to protect her daughter and want to give her a life with as little hardship as possible. I don't know the reasons for you giving her up for adoption in the first place but for whatever reason you made that choice and you must accept everything with it. Just don't let things get ugly between the adopted mother and yourself. In time maybe she can introduce you as a special friend and once she's much older you can explain the real story to her. Trying to butt in and be the mom is wrong. Good luck .,

Answer 6

When you signed the adoption papers, you lost parental rights to your child. I think your child's adoptive mother is right; living your own life is probably the best thing to do.

As far as your daughter goes...It is the responsibility of her adoptive parents to meet her need for love, acceptance, and attention. And, the adoption being open, I really think that you and your daughter will be able to have a relationship of some kind when she is older. And children who are put up for adoption rarely think their birth parents didn't love them. If you two do meet up when she's older, be prepared to explain why you gave her up. She might be more understanding than you think.

If you are still feeling pain and regret after six years, you may need to see a counselor to help you cope.

Good luck

Answer 7

4ever isnt long enough to hurt when you give a baby up.....i dont know what your situation was when you were pregnant but im sure those reasons for giving the baby up for adoption were good ones....the whole deal with the adoption process is to give your baby a better life......and im sure that the new mom is feeling a lil over whelmed with you wanting to be in the kids life.....if you were in her shoes wouldnt you be??? im not calling you a bad person but adoption is a done deal....unless theres a way to get the baby back i would just step away and not confuse the child more then she prob...already is.....i wish you the best of luck with this.....i couldnt amagine going threw it.....God bless...

Answer 8

Wow! I am really sorry to hear about that! But the only advice i can give is to have a talk with the woman and say how you feel. I hope that it gets sorted out! Good luck
P.S. Maybe you should think about why you put your daughter up for adoption in the first place?

Answer 9

Your life includes your daughter. You will have to get to an agreement with the woman and your daughter about how to handle this situation, and what kind of relationship you will have with your daughter.

You had reasons for giving up your daughter, and altho it will hurt forever, you probably did what was best for your daughter. So keep that in mind. Sometimes we need to let people go in order for them to have a better life.

Answer 10

im afraid, my dear, that there is nothing you can do. no one told you it would hurt forever, but that should have been common sense to you. you need to live your own life, and let your daughter grow up without you, thats what you did the adoption for, because you didn't want her. i wish i could have known you before you did this, because there ARE forms of adoption out there, where the adoptive parents sign paperwork stating that the biological parent has to be an active part in the child's life, but i bet you didn't know that, or weren't told your rights. unfortunately, theres nothing you can do about it now. just get pregnant again real soon, and have that child. maybe someday, your adopted daughter will be able to forgive you and want you in her life, but u need to wait 12 more years. God Bless You for not aborting your child, though. I seriously commend you for that.