I know man who was married to this woman for 40 years and divorced her about a year ago. He remarried but his children (who are in their late 30s) dont like this new wife. Well, his ex-wife just passed away. (less than a year since the divorce). How should he and his current wife handle this situation. Should he stand with his children at the wake to accept condolences? Should the current wife be beside him so she can show her support for him?
2007-03-23 10:43:23 · 16 answers · asked by xoxoxox 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
The decision is up to the family. The ex-husband is no longer family and really has no say (he gave up that right in the divorce) unless the children ask for him to be there. If they do, then he has the right to politely ask that his new wife be included (if this is important to him). The children have the right to politely refuse this request, but then he has the right to politely decline their invitation to stand with them.
Basically, they can all be polite (see how often I use this word?) and get through this trying time as calmly as possible, or they can go after each other's throats. Obviously, they have to work this out beforehand as nobody wants an argument to erupt at the wake or funeral.
Truly, this is a time to think of others. If each party does so, everyone will be relieved, even if they have some pent up issues floating around.
2007-03-23 20:10:39 · answer #1 · answered by Fin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he should go to show respect and to be supportive of his children. . The husband should spare his new wife the grief of dealing with a family that doesn't want her around and let her stay home if she wants to.
I don't know why people would be giving him condolences - so he should go through the line or stand behind his children. As to who stands where - that's an issue for what best serves the living. I'm sure Ms Manners has other ideas...
2007-03-23 17:52:00 · answer #2 · answered by JannahLee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he should definetly be there for his children.As far the new wife like or not right now the children need there father.Maybe the new wife could go to the visitiation for a few minutes but not the actual burial.I say this so that the current wife will show that she is trying to let go of any hard feeling the family may have toward.She also has to remember that one point in time they were a family and everyone needes to come to closure on that.Even if there a divorce thats not the same as never seeing there mom passing away.
2007-03-23 18:33:05 · answer #3 · answered by what did you say 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They should behave like adults and put aside their differences for respect of the mother of his children. The new wife can sit on the side and she will if she's smart. I've been to wakes for people in my husband's family (I'm not his first wife) and his ex wife has been there. We just accept the fact and I stand aside and let things proceed as they should. His new wife can show support seated; she doesn't have to be standing next to him at this time. When condolences are done, the man can sit beside her. Hope this helps. Godloveya.
2007-03-23 17:55:08 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If his children want him there is should be there for them. If the children don't like the new wife she should stay home. Their mother's funeral is not the time for her to try and start any kind of a relationship with her husband's grown children.
2007-03-23 22:44:08 · answer #5 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he should go to support the children and the family of the deceased. Since he was married to her for 40 years, he has built bonds with some of the family members. It is up to his wife. I would go and support my man, but if she feels that it would cause a scene or be to weird, he should go without her and without argument from her.
2007-03-23 17:53:22 · answer #6 · answered by Mariposa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should most definately be there for his children. Plus, they were married for 40 years so I assume he will miss her at least a little, and it will be good for him to grieve with the kids. As for the new wife, that's first up to him if he wants here there and if the kids want her there, and then secondly up to her if she wants to go. She most likely never even knew the woman. She can offer support in private also.
2007-03-23 17:47:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be the decent thing if the second wife would stay home from the services and allow her husband the freedom to grieve with his children. He will no doubt have some feelings as well to deal with, and the second wife needs to bow out of this one.
2007-03-23 20:45:39 · answer #8 · answered by teacupn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very sticky!! If the children want him to receive condolences, that would be their call, otherwise, he and the new wife should not be in the front (receiving) area. Still, it should be whatever the children wish, their decision should be respected.
2007-03-23 17:59:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he and his wife should stand with the children. if the children are in their thirties they should be able to put aside their issues with the new wife as long as she is doing the same so they can honor the woman who passed away.
2007-03-23 22:41:30 · answer #10 · answered by aly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋