How can I help my stepkids deal with the sudden loss of their mother? they are all teenagers.?

Question

My 3 step kids, all teenagers, lost their mother suddenly the other day to a massive stroke at age 41. They were living with her full time, now they will live with me and their father. How can I help them deal with this loss and be a good step mom without replacing their mom? There are 2 boys, 18 & 15 and one girl, 14. I told them to bring pictures of her to hang in their new rooms at our home and promised to honor her. Anyone understand what they are going through?

Answer 1

Of course, give them the space and time they need to mourn. They would--actually, you all probably would--benefit from Relationship Enhancement Therapy, which can be applied to families. It really just teaches family members to effectively communicate, but communication is vital--especially now.
You can find RET therapists through your search engine, (such as yahoo).

Also, my sister lost her husband, and had two young children. Unfortunately, not knowing what to do, she has allowed them to get away with murder ever since. They are now sad, shiftless young adults with no goals or self control because their lives have been allowed to become a shrine to the loss of their dad, and that was always allowed as a valid excuse for whatever misbehavior they decided to engage in.

So, of course give them love and support and let them mourn, but be sure their natural mourning doesn't become pathological. I think consulting a therapist who specializes in grief counseling would be wonderful.

So sorry to hear of your family's loss.
Hang in there.

Answer 2

You seem so caring. By allowing them to honor their mom, you have already opened a door to their heart. Ensure they know you are available if they want to talk about their mom. Be their best friend and support system from this moment on! Don't rush them to accept you as a stepmom because they are dealing with the loss of their own mom. Time is an significant part of what they need at this point. Show them love and understanding. You are doing a great job. Keep it up!

Answer 3

I applaud you for your attitude, it's a great start to helping them cope with the loss.

In these situations its best that they have someone to talk to that is outside of the situation. They will be more comfortable telling their true feelings to someone they aren't afraid to hurt such as you and your husband and If they are sad and scared and confused they need to be able to say so freely.

I would find a counselor who specializes in parental loss and make sure they know that you are always available and so is their father if they chose to talk to you.

Answer 4

Yea lost both parents 7 . People feel too much for the children , their life didn't end, they need a central root/person to hang on to - not a friend - feel free to tell them that you and the husband love each and everyone of them but keep their future plans in/on line good education and strict discipline if called for they are YOUR children from this day forward raise them as YOU feel is proper. good luck

Answer 5

Hi... gee, this is very sad for those kids... and it was wonderful of you to be so accepting.

There are a lot of websites out there on how to cope with grief. You might find help there.

Also, therapists can help the kids if they seem to be having difficulty coping with life.

everyone handles grief differently, and it takes some of us longer to get through and accept the death of someone we love. you will probably notice each of them will handle things quite differently.

you're a good person... take care...

Answer 6

Sounds like your doing good so far. Your taking the right step. I would suggest therapy if they are really greif stricken. Maybe group family therapy.

Answer 7

expensive Gemma, what a tragic time this might desire to be 4 u! How poor 4 u. U r being too no longer hassle-free on your self sweetie. while we see movies etc human beings are constantly howling and crying over the shortcoming of a chum. i'm a nurse and that's unlike this in genuine life. human beings constantly manage dying in a different way. some human beings purely cry, others are quiet and manage it of their very own way. each physique has different reactions. we at the instant are not taught a thank you to handle dying while we r becoming up - it is one reason that's probable so no longer hassle-free to settle for (some cultures/religions settle for dying extra ideal than others). U have not given your self time to take a seat and take up something as u have been so busy catering to each physique elses desires. U say u are a mom, in spite of the indisputable fact that i do no longer comprehend what ur age is - teenagers tend to handle dying in a different way than older human beings. U have purely lost ur mom, probable the main heart wrenching adventure all and sundry can flow via. U will possibly no longer cry or sense it for an prolonged time cos u have been too busy. Can u write all of it down? that regularly helps me with my thoughts. That way u can save it private and you would be grieving as properly, so it is going to help. U might desire to even initiate a splash shrine to ur mom. dying in no way seems genuine - in spite of if that's a kinfolk member, liked puppy, pal, etc that's like some horrid nightmare we get caught up in. And ur Mum died from an poor ailment. attempt to speak to different and relied on human beings as properly. that would help. provide your self time to take up each little thing, or refer to a priest or counsellor - each so often those which at the instant are not closest to us can help as they are not in touch. i comprehend a woman years in the past who lost her Mum while she grew to become into youthful, and he or she went out onto a abandoned field and purely cried and raged at God and stated she felt extra ideal. U will grieve at some point for ur Mum - in line with possibility u are purely no longer waiting to do it precise now. Take care and that i wish you sense extra ideal quickly. keep in mind, ur Mum will constantly be with u in ur heart if no longer in guy or woman.

Answer 8

Condolenses to your step kids! That must be hard..the only advice i can give you is to give them time. This is gonna take time for them to realize that their mom isn't gonna be around anymore. Let them have their space and then if they need more, give it to them

Answer 9

Just be there when they need you and listen when they open up. Respect their feelings and always be respectful of their mom. Back off when you feel overwhelmed.

Answer 10

yes i do my mother passed away 4 years ago n it killed me so im going to tell u what my friends told me it helped me so my friends told me that my mom still love me even tho she was n heaven n that she was looking down on me in that i caould talk to her if i needed to hope i helped