One of my bridesmaids (which will be my future sister-in-law) is being very hateful to me. She gets under my skin because she is so rude. She is pregnant and I was going to be nice and revolve half of my bachelorette evening around her so she could be included. The way she is acting towards me she doesn't deserve me going out of my way for her. What should I do/say about this situation?
2007-03-23 09:39:02 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Unfortunately, weddings and pregancy tend to bring out the ugly little demons that lurk inside of women. Combined, that's a tall order to deal with. How I would deal with it:
1. Compassion. Your future sister-in-law is likely hormonally haywire, though that doesn't excuse her behavior. (One of my best friends turned into a RAVING lunatic when preggers.) Additionally, there may be any number of factors like: your wedding is taking attention away from her imminent little one; you get to be the gorgeous bride while she's the blimp; she may have issues about "losing" her brother; or she may be terrified of her impending childbirth and taking it out on you. Whatever it is, be the bigger person and show her some compassion; try to figure out where she's coming from.
2. Ask her what's up. I suggest you ask her what's going on, and make sure to talk to her in "I" language--like "when you said x, I felt really sad--I want us to be friends and for both of us to have a good time at the wedding--we're going to be family."
3. Be firm. That said, I don't think that you should condone her behavior by not saying anything about it. If and when these scenarios come up, call her on it in the moment--not mean or bitchy, but loving and firm: "So-and-so, I refuse to be spoken to like that--when you're ready to speak to me with respect, I'm willing to continue this conversation." And then walk away. Don't let her get away with it--it will set up a pattern of future behavior.
Have you considered getting your fiance's advice about this situation? He may be able to help out.
I also like the idea of having a separate sister-in-law outing--to a spa, or to lunch, whatever. Mainly: make sure your bachelorette night is about YOU. Just like your wedding day, that is a time for you: don't volunteer to give it up to someone else, and don't let anyone else make it about themselves.
2007-03-23 20:07:48 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel!! Only, the bridesmaid that is acting this way isn't my future sister in law, she is my best friend of 11 years. You know what you do? Don't let her bother you for #1, because if you do she is totally going to play off of it. Her hormones and stress are all over the place right now and pregnant women are very hard to read. Do what YOU want to do for your bachelorette party, don't worry about her. She can come for part of it and then you guys can go out to the bar or where ever afterwards. Chances are she'll be tired and ready to go home by 9:00 anyways. Being an upcoming bride myself I am still trying to learn that there are going to be people that are going to try and ruin your fun by making it all about them, you just need to do what you want to do and don't even worry about the rest! Good luck girl, and CONGRATS!!
2007-03-23 12:10:31 · answer #2 · answered by Tiffany 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not just automatically taking her side, I completely understand how you feel. But, take her pregnancy into consideration. She is probably felling achy, fat and miserable all the time and it's hard to be happy. However, this is you're wedding, and you have every right to be happy. I think that it's a great idea for you to try to include her in your bachelorette party, how very considerate of you! Don't let her moodiness get you down and try not to take it personally, it probably has nothing to do with you. Sit down and talk with her about how she has been making you feel. Maybe she doesn't even realize she's doing this. She will be family soon, so do your best to try to remedy the situation. If you talk to her and she's not responsive, then just let it go and concentrate on you're big day. You can't make everyone happy, the point is that you put the effort in. Good Luck!
2007-03-23 10:27:01 · answer #3 · answered by Krissi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some thing is obviously incorrect. i assumed your letter to her(the two one in each of them) became well mannered and expertise and clearly no longer offensive. on account that i'm one to constantly check out how the different person feels, possibly there is a few thing incorrect that she is unwilling or can not proportion right this moment.(no money for gown, etc.) In those financial circumstances, that ought to ok be the case. She could be embarressed approximately it and can't inform you. possibly she only easy hates the entire thought of being a bridesmaid. What ever, she nevertheless would desire to have been up front with you. the two revise your plans to 4 bridesmaids or decide on an option and pass on. you could no longer help what she is feeling if she is unwilling to communitcate it to you.
2016-10-01 09:29:42 · answer #4 · answered by barksdale 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are she's feeling bloated, uncomfortable, unattractive, and jealous of your upcoming wedding! I'm not thinking that its going to help to "confront" her as such because she's so obviously uncomfortable and unhappy. Plus, you're going to be around each other for a very very long time. Here's a thought: how about inviting her, your treat, to lunch and for pedicures and manicures? Tell her you want to spend some time with her and that this might help relax her. I know that right now you'd probably like nothing more than to choke her to death, but a little kindness and compassion goes a long way. Set firm, but gentle boundaries around what she can and cannot say to you and tell her how her unkind remarks make you feel. Then, go out with your buds and have a really wonderful time!
2007-03-23 10:07:24 · answer #5 · answered by JennyP 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your bachelorette party, not hers! Just because she's a hateful, miserable b****, don't let her ruin the special events of your happy occasion! Talk to her face to face, woman to woman and tell her your sick of her bull**** and that if she would still like to be a member of the bridal party and join in all the special events, she'll need to loose her attitude. You only get married once sweetie, don't let her rain on your wedding parade!!! Good Luck and Congratulations!
2007-03-23 12:32:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her privately about the situation and gently explain to her how her behavior is making you feel. You might be pissed off about it now, but the last thing you want to do is create a feud with a soon to be family member.
Maybe if she feels like you care about her feelings, she'll be more inclined to be nicer to you, which is better for everyone.
2007-03-23 09:55:08 · answer #7 · answered by Silver_Stars 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is vitally important to think LONG TERM here. I know the easy thing to do is to give into your feelings, and your feelings towards her are fair. However, long term, you will be much smarter to do whatever it is to keep your relationship with her in tact. I would also suggest talking to the fiancee, maybe he has some suggestions for the situation.
2007-03-23 11:34:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well both you and her are grown up. Congrats on your wedding! Just talk to her you want to be on good terms with her since you are going to be related to her. Go out of your way to include her! Maybe it will hit a soft part in her heart. Good luck! Congrats and have fun!
2007-03-23 09:48:54 · answer #9 · answered by PinkHighHeels 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is pregnate, she is gonna be miserable. It is your bachelorette party, do what you want to do. If she is not happy oh well. Your the one getting married, you should not have to cater to anyone else.
2007-03-23 10:12:37 · answer #10 · answered by Va princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋