I have been dating this guy for the past 5 months. He has a picture of him and his ex-wife (whom he has just recently gotten a divorce from). Its a small picture in a frame. We have a pretty casual relationship and we spend a lot of time together. So, I guess the fact that he has a picture of him and his ex-wife on display makes me feel uncomfortable. I have not seen any other pictures of her anywhere else, except for this one. Is it okay to bring the subject up with him? If so, how do I go about it - casually?
2007-03-23 09:25:37 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I wouldn't bring it up until he brings up an engagement ring, until then, you are just dating.
2007-03-23 09:28:04 · answer #1 · answered by LoneStarLou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not only right, but he needs to do it for his own health.
In order for him to have a healthy relationship with you he needs to move beyond his ex-wife. If you met him within the first 6 months -1 year after his divorce you may be on uneven ground, so watch your step.
Moving beyond an ex is a deeply personal thing, so it is important not to confront him too directly; however, as you've been dating him for 5 months it is something that you can rightly bring up.
I personally say that it takes 6 months minimally to really get to know a person at a deeper level. If you two are comfortable, then offer him a photo of you two together in a frame, and say that you care about him and you would like to be the main woman in his life, hint that if he isn't comfortable you can wait a little longer, but set the ground for later talks. Approach it with a sense of love and caring and his response will be very telling. Just do it friendly, loving, and without malice at all. If he cares about you, the wheels in his own head will push him towards removing the picture.
Good luck!
2007-03-23 09:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by Samurai Jack 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone.
You are attempting to require the "look" of closeness where there is none.
When he thinks of you "that way" you won't have to tell/ask him to take it down. He will do it, without any help from you.
If you say anything about it, you will be pushing him before he is ready. He may resent you, or duck and run, or lie. This would not be good.
Leave him alone. Be his girlfriend, not his conscience. Take care of yourself, and him, and let things happen naturally.
Won't it be great to come over one day and it is gone, and he is grinning from ear-to-ear, because he thought of it. Give that to him.
After a year, if it is still there, you might tell him it makes you uncomfortable and then shut up. Let him offer to fix your discomfort. If he sits there like a toad, cut your losses and run. He is using you for a "not-her but you'll do."
2007-03-23 09:38:47 · answer #3 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said a casual relationship with him right? If it's casual and he thinks its just casual then i would say no. I do think it's kinda weird that he would have pics of the ex - after a divorce. I am divorced and used pics of my ex for dart practice. I would honestly say that if your relationship becomes more than "casual" then you should ask him to remove the pic or put it somewhere out of site.
2007-03-23 09:31:18 · answer #4 · answered by drew71670 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you might determine why the picture bothers you. Do you think he still cares for his ex? Consider carefully what his feelings may be when you ask him to remove the picture. It may be as your relationship develops he will remove it without asking. Do you have any pictures of yourself with other men on display? It may be that he cares nothing for the ex and does not even think about the picture being there. Maybe you could ask him to move it to another area.
2007-03-23 09:30:51 · answer #5 · answered by david42 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is okay to ask him given the length of your relationship. You can ask him in a casual way and just ask him why he is keeping the picture up. You can ask him that is a casual way. If it is a picture that has other people in it and it is a good picture, that is one thing. If it is a picture of just him and her, I think it is in appropriate to have it up and be in a relationship for 5 months. My opinion.
2007-03-23 09:32:41 · answer #6 · answered by GTO 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the time they have been married into account and the time you have been casually together . If you were in her shoes how long do you think you both should keep pictures for public view. No one knows better how women think than women ? Guys think differently on that matter and Im sure it varies widely.
2007-03-23 09:32:29 · answer #7 · answered by johnnydee3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-01 09:29:03 · answer #8 · answered by barksdale 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, but not to demand he take it down. I'm sure that if you explain this to him, he'll understand and put it someplace where he can still have his memories - and there are always going to be memories - without you feeling threatened or disrespected.
We all have pasts, and the smart ones among us learn from them. Don't deny him the pleasure of looking back on some of the better moments of his life, k?
2007-03-23 09:30:40 · answer #9 · answered by dingobluefoot 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe he doesn't even realize it's there.......just yesterday I realized I have had a picture of my ex-husband and I on my desk and he has been gone for more than a year. I just never noticed it.
To be honest, I wouldn't sweat the small stuff and this, in my eyes, is small. You have to pick your battles in life and I guess I just don't see the point of picking this one.
2007-03-23 09:29:07 · answer #10 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you just have a casual relationship it doesn't sound too serious and i don't think you should say anything yet. you have just been dating for 5 months and that is not long at all. maybe they split on good terms and they are friends. i wouldn't push the issue just yet or you just might push him away...
2007-03-23 09:29:51 · answer #11 · answered by justme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋