I have a hard time visiting my mom in a nursing home and my family is mad at me.?

Answer 1

Oh my do I ever understand this one!!!!! My mother was in a nursing home once and it took all my courage to go see her. I couldn't stand to walk into that place to see her so I didn't go very many times and my family wasn't happy with me either.
So I talked to Mom about it, and she understood. As long as she understood where I was coming from it didn't matter what the family thought. It was between her & I. So have a talk with your Mom and see what she has to say.

Answer 2

Explain to your family why it bothers you. My sister was in a hospital the last couple of weeks of her life, she had ovarian cancer that came back and went throughout her organs. She had stage 1 and they said she'd be fine but they are stupid and she wasn't. I'm 14 years younger than her, I'm 23. I was only 21 when she passed. I couldn't be there with her every hour I would get too mad and upset. She understood because we were sisters and we just knew everything about each other. My parents understood as well. However her co-workers and friends that had only known her for a short time were mad at me for not coming and staying all day. I would stay there over night sometimes but it just gets too depressing especially the last days when she was completely gone and just lay there in a comatose kind of state staring blankly.
Anyway, if it's hard for you to see your mom and it's just because you are sad and not because you are mean, then your family can kiss your *** because they dont understand that it hurts to see someone lay there suffering and you cant do anything about it.

Answer 3

We have my mother-in-law in a facility near our home, because she has Alzheimer's. My husband has a hard time seeing her. Not just because of where she is but also because he didn't think this was what she would have wanted, though we really didn't have an option. We have 2 young kids and he works and I have a PT job, so the Home near us was the way to go.
What we have done to make it more comfortable for my husband, is take my mother-in-law out. Even if it's just a coffee, or McDonalds, or back to our house for a lunch, she is able to handle that, and it makes it easier for my husband to cope.
Would this option help? if not, why not participate in the activities that the Home has and then you're not stuck trying to make conversation. This could be bingo, cooking classes, music, or even the church service they would have on Sunday's. It's important to remember your mom as she used to be, and not who she is right now; or where she is. This is a hard thing to go with, and maybe the way of the Eastern countries should be how we model our last years on earth; bring the elderly into our homes, and it's up to family to care for them. There is something to be admired about that!

Good luck.

Answer 4

The more you go, the easier it will become No matter what her status is, the visits will mean a lot to her,,,,,and in the long run to you Get to know her caregivers,,,,, it WILL mean better care for her if family is supportive and involved I work in the long term care field.......and it is difficult for most famililes,,,,Dealing with the guilt of not being able to provide care at home, the sadness of the situation, Make yourself go The more you go, the more comfrotable you will be Daily visits are not a good thing, it becomes to much emoptionally to deal with if the elder person does not know who you are You did not say what her status is or how recent her placement If she does have alz, you NEVER know when she will have a lucid moment and RECOGNIZE you, and how sad it would be to miss that one chanace for contact,,,,,,,If you are unsure what to do while there,,,,walk with her,,,,,read a book,,,,take her outside in a w/c Bring her favorite snack Take in old photos to look at with her Just sit quietly and hold her hand,,,,,,, Visits do not have to be long to be of benefit to you both It was HARD for me to go and see my mom, dealing with nursing care for a profession, the last thing I wanted to do was spend my time off in another long term care facility...but I did, and do not regret the time that I spent there, and wish I had found the time to do more,,,,,,You need to talk with your family and let them know how you feel,,,make arrangements to go visit mom WITH other family members until you are comfortable and feel able to go alone.........But do make the effort,,,,this world is not all about you and how you feel, but about others and how you make them feel

Answer 5

Sweetie,I know this is a most difficult thing for you to do.
I worked in a nursing home for 18 yrs.and know what it's all about.
Is your mother alert and aware of your visits? If she is,please make the effort to visit with her if only for a few mins.Day after day I saw these elderly people spend their waking hours waiting for visits from their family or friends only to be so let down at days end.This is truly all they have to look forward to.
You can see them so envious when others have company and they're all alone.Too many are placed there and then forgotten.
None of us want to see our parents in this situation and it is very hard to see them come to this.I promise you that you will never regret the time you spend with her.If you have children please take them with you.It does our children good to see all aspects of life and it is good for them to do so.
Please set aside a few mins. each week to spend some time with her and it will make your heart feel good.You don't even have to say a word.Just hold her hand and she will be happy.
God Bless all of you and please give this some thought.

By the way.........my own mother spent the last 6 months of her life in a nursing home and I was with her when she passed away.I am so grateful and happy that I was.

This is written to you from the heart.

Answer 6

I'm really sorry you have a mom who has to be in a nursing home. I know it's hard, but we're all going to be in that boat one day, even you. It's part of life. Your mom loves you, and she still needs to see you, no matter where she is. And you need to see her. You just need to suck it up and GO. You need to get past your feelings about the nursing home situation. One of these days she won't be around for you to go see and then you'll be really sorry you didn't go see her when you had the chance. Don't do that to yourself. OR her. If you were in my family, I'd be mad at you, too. But my heart does go out to you, and you are in my prayers.

Answer 7

You are not saying if it is because you are to far or because it is hard to see. My advice is visit or at least call what your family feels is not why. Its because 2 reasons it would make your Moms day weather she is with or not because you dont know what even in an alzheimers state what they really know and 2 you may one day regret not doing it when it is to late. I work in a nursing home and alot of times these folks cry and ask for there loved ones and where they are

Answer 8

It is hard to visit a loved one in nursing home and or hospital, because if something happens you don't want to remember them that way, but if you don't years from now you will hate your self for it, i know the one thing older people want is someone who loves them around them. Think of it this way, if you were in a nursing home wouldn't you want to see your kids?

Answer 9

I went through htis when my grandmother was ill, I lived 5 hours away and everyone else lived in the area. My family was always harping at me because i couldn't go and see her very often, but was working at the time and couldn't just keep taking days off work. There is nothing you can do but ignore them. You can only do what you can do. I guess it also depends on the reason you have a hard time visiting her and if you live close by or not.

Answer 10

He sees it at lack of love or lack of concern, just go, you have to die to your own feelings and go, do something out of concern for your own feelings. When you were a baby she din't always feel like getting up during the night to care for you, but she did the right thing, now you must do the right thing. There is no excuse. she will not always be alive for you to visit, so go--no matter how hard it may be. You don't have to stay long but go, you matter very much. Bring her flowers, or cookies, whatever she likes. mabey new slippers or a nightgown. My mom liked Dean Martin music so i brought her a c.d. they had a little c.d. player in the main room, it really is not bad. Now she is gone, boy am i glad i visited.