Is it inappropriate to go out drinking with an ex or am I overreacting?

Question

My girlfriend made plans to go drinking with her ex boyfriend for this Saturday. They are going with a couple of his friends.

I don't have a lot of relationship experience, but I'm pretty sure it's not considered appropriate to go out drinking with an ex. I could easily stop her from doing anything that would instantly end our relationship by coming along, but I'd almost rather have her screw up now rather than wait until we're married and she's messing around with other guys.

She told me that when she drinks she gets turned on, so I suspect the worst results to happen this Saturday.

What do you think? Should I go along or let some disaster happen now rather than later? Are her actions inappropriate or am I overreacting?

Answer 1

did she ask you to go along? why would she go without you if she knows that drinking turns her on and this is a guy whom she used to date and have feelings for. Things could easily get out of hand. I don't know...but I think you should go with her if she asks you to, that means she doesn't want things to get out of hand.

Answer 2

Have you spoken up about your objections? I think it's inappropriate unless they've had a long standing friendship after being exes. If it's just drinks on a Saturday night out of the blue then I don't think you're overreacting for thinking it's inappropriate.

You say you could easily go and stop her from doing anything wrong. Did she invite you off the bat or would you just be crashing? If she invited you from the get-go and you declined and she still wants to go that's a different story.

I think you should talk to her about how you are feeling. Ask her to put herself in your shoes and see how she would feel if you were going out with an ex girlfriend. That might be all it takes to have her stop and realize why this is such a big deal to you. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Hmmmm I tough question cause I do infact have a ex boyfriend that I am very close with. But, we have been exes for quite some time. I suppose it depends on your trust level; however I can't imagine why she would exclude you or did she invite you. My current boyfriend still talks to exes, this is the way I look at it you had an intimate relationship before with the person and for some reason or another it didn't work. Does not mean that you can't continue to be friends. On the other hand if she is throwing these things in your face about how she is turned on etc. she is throwing you red flags that she will not claim responsibility for her actions and can not be trusted. If I were you I would probably find someone a little more considerate of your feelings and a little bit more mature.

Answer 4

Oh wow, that's messed! You didn't mention how long they've been broken up for. If it's been for months (like, more than 8), or years, that's one thing. But if it's only been for a couple of weeks, or a few months (like 3), I'd be a little concerned. If it has been only a short while, it could be that they're thinking of hooking up again, or seeing if they still have feelings. The thing that concerned me was when she told you that she gets turned on from drinking. It makes me wonder why she would tell you such a thing. Is she trying to prepare you for the worst or what? If this was strictly a friend's thing, I don't think she would've said that. If anything, she'd try to reassure you that nothing would happen, and perhaps even invite you along for you to see! I know that's what I would do. But like I said though. If they've been broken up for years, it could very well just be a friend's thing. I have an ex who's actually getting married this summer, and I still talk to him and go out for drinks with him. It has nothing to do about hooking up with him, it's just nice to catch up with him once and awhile. My BF has no problem with it, and I don't have a problem with him going out with his lady friends once and awhile. It's all about trust, right?

Answer 5

Yeah, I can understand your apprehension. The question is, do you trust her? You're about to find out.

If you don't have a reason not to trust her (no signs of infidelity or lying), then you're overreacting, so let her go out. If you do have a reason not to trust her, then it's inappropriate and you probably shouldn't be in this relationship to begin with.

Realize that nothing can be gained nor learned if you try to stop her from going out, that will be correctly interpreted as a jealous attempt by you to control her activities. If she decides to go out anyway, she will be upset with you during the evening and complain about it to her ex-boyfriend and his friends. If she decides not to go out, then she is only doing what you tell her to and you haven't made any progress figuring out if you can trust her because you haven't permitted her the opportunity to prove you right or wrong.

If she's going to cheat, then neither her ex-boyfriend nor alcohol nor his friends will have anything to do with influencing her behavior, although she may try to defend herself by blaming her ex-boyfriend or alcohol or his friends. Don't let her; she's old enough to take responsibility for her own actions.

Answer 6

DUDE if there was ever a waring signal this is it. May be not so much if she asked you to come along. But if she said look I'm going out drinking with my Ex and his buddies (which is weird by itself!) and ill see you later tonite. You might as well break it off now. One thing you should not do is go to her and tell her how "it hurts your feeling" or any of that crap it will make you look like a bigger whip then you already do. Ans obviously she thinks your spineless. So as long as your not in love with this chick I would give her a ultimatum and say listen either you party with me tonight or we never party together again. Or be a asshole and say well if you go out with that dude tonight you might as well lose my phone number. But whatever you do make sure that YOU DO NOT SOUND LIKE well if i cant have you no one can. That will make you look needy and creepy. Dude just be a man tell her to get lost if she doesn't see that what she is doing is crap. AND YES IT IS CRAP. period my girl would never say some crazy **** like that to me. she knows i would break it off right then and there.

Answer 7

its plain inappropriate to go party with your ex. Drinking and ex boyfriends are a recipe for disaster. You could go but are you going to have to watch her all the time? And if she does screw up how will you ever know? I would let her know how uncomfortable this makes you and see what happens. You cant forbid her from going but let her know that there will be consequences to her actions

Answer 8

I don't see a serious problem with if she is coming home to you and she'll be our tiwh a couple of friends. If she going to be out all night long and not be coming home to you then I may be a little worried if you don't trust her. But I think you should let her go. Would you want her controling what you did. Besides I think people in relationships should have time out with friends too.

Answer 9

I'm w/Missie....other than that I'd say let her mess up sooner than later? But it's really inappropriate for her do that....she should ask you to go along! Or - she feels that your secure enough to trust her, and she plans to do nothing? That's a hard one to call?

Good luck w/it! Don't sit around while she's out....maybe you should hook up w/some old friends and have a good time too!

Answer 10

You should ask if you can join them. If she's weird about you tagging along then she's probably got the same expectations about it as you. Dinner or coffee with an ex would be more understandable, but partying with an ex is a whole different thing.

Answer 11

This is a ditsier waiting to happen.It sounds like neither one of them have sowed there wild oats.I would be so upset if my husband or even when he was my boyfriend went out drinking with any women if i was not there.Please also trust her if you can't trusted than you do need to know this now.I hope the best for you