I love my son dearly, but I really miss my life before he was born. Being a housewife is lonely, and exhausting.....any hints? (Moms group is not really an option).
2007-03-23 08:31:48 · 21 answers · asked by Anna 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I know exactly where you are coming from! I am a s.a.h.m. of 2 and recently moved in a new home also. My husband and I share a vehicle, so mom's group is really out of the question for me too, for now. (he works an hour away, so its not worth it to drive him in and pick him up with the kids).I get very lonely!Yes, it is a blessing to raise our children. But, just as everyone who works outside the home, there is a lot to be done at home too. Plus, you get to do it with no one else, but junior and maybe elmo or mickey mouse.Atleast ladies who go to work get some adult interaction, which is very important. So I just started a profile on cafemom.com. try it out, maybe it will help.Its a site for mothers to chit chat about whatever. Thanks for asking this question, I am in the same boat as you.
2007-03-23 14:36:01 · answer #1 · answered by Happy HBAC Mama 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you're feeling is really quite normal. You need to find things that are for you. I quite enjoy reading and crafts but you may have something else that makes you happy! You don't say how old your son is but I'm guessing he's very young. I've honestly been a SAHM for 21 years! I love it and I'm glad I can do it. My youngest is 8 now. There are things you can do. Go to a library, go out for a coffee. Tell your hubby or someone else you can trust with baby that you need your time. You will miss your old life but take heart that you are doing a great thing with your 'new' life. Life will take you on many twists and turns and some will be enjoyable, others will seem like endless work! I know you love your son and please don't feel bad about how you are feeling. It's natural to feel this way. SAHM's usually feels they should be working, and mom's who work sometimes feel they should be at home with the kids. Either way you're going to have some kind of feelings that aren't too good. I have had odd jobs but I always was able to take my kids along. You are doing one of the hardest jobs in the world. Give yourself credit for that!
2007-03-23 09:34:56 · answer #2 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I must say how brave of you to come out an actually admit that you do miss some things about your prior life. Most moms just push this feeling aside and never breathe a word of it to anyone! Great for you! I am a stay at home mother of 2 and I too miss something from my prior life. But when I think of how empty I would feel if my two babies were not her, I remember why I do stay home with them. I didn't miss their first step, first word, or first anything, because I was there, not at some dead end job while my child was in a daycare. Now I know that some times it is necessary for mothers to work, and I feel truly blessed that I am able to stay home. But I just wish every mom could spend a little time in our shoes, then maybe they would not be so quick to judge us when we go to sleep in the grocery line!!! Great question. keep your chin up, it will get easier.
2007-03-23 17:51:25 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. Smarty Pants 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can totally relate to you! I feel the same way. I just had this conversation with another SAHM. I worked outside of the home for the first year of my daughter's life. Then I was laid off and I have been home with her for 3 months now. Some days I feel like I am going crazy! I was missing my "personal quality time" for myself. It sounds like you are too. If you were working a 9-5 job, you would get a lunch break and coffee breaks, but as a SAHM, you don't even get to use the bathroom in peace! You owe it to yourself to ask your husband or some family member, friend, etc. to stay with your son for at least a couple of hours a few times a week so that you can leave the house and do whatever you need to do to feel recharged. You will appreciate your son more when you return and your son will appreciate it because your attitude will be more pleasant towards him. I have a part-time home business. It is a great way to meet other adults and gives a great excuse to get out of the house. Plus the hubby loves it even more when he notices extra cash in the household account. Find something you love to do and make it into a business so you can put some time into it. Put your son to bed at 7pm. You can have from 7pm to 8pm or 7pm to 9pm for yourself and then at 9pm spend quality couple time with your husband. If you can leave the house during the day even for a walk at the park, the mall, library, or museum for a few hours, that will help too. I find that my daughter and I get along better when we are out and about (as long as she has had her nap). The mall is also a great place to meet other SAHM's. Go at about 2pm when lunch is over for the "9-5ers". You will notice a lot more Moms with strollers at that time; you can strike up a conversation with some of them and may find that they feel the same as you. You can also get a community newspaper or community magazine to see what interesting events are taking place locally for kids your son's age. That's another great way of meeting adults who might feel the same way that you do. Hope this helps!
2007-03-23 11:52:02 · answer #4 · answered by Juanita B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes! And it's ok to not be in love with staying at home. It's harder on some people than on others. I mostly think "I am not cut out for this !@#!" It's a big change and it is lonely. AND I don't have anything to talk about with my friends, because I have no life. :)
Can you get a someone to babysit once a week? That helps and you will have something to look forward to. The best thing you can do for yourself is find a trusted babysitter.
2007-03-23 08:49:37 · answer #5 · answered by Me 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do not mourn my old life. I have been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years and I love it. Make sure you take time for yourself. Go out with you friends and make dad babysit. I started working from home and that seems to keep me really busy. Start a home-based business or get a hobby that you can do at home. If you don't take time for yourself you will resent the life you chose.
2007-03-23 12:53:55 · answer #6 · answered by Tiffany L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love being a stay at home mom too, but occasionally it would be nice to have people know you as something else besides so and so's wife or mother! I can totally relate to you. Try and get out to do things with your child during the day, or hopefully you have some close friends to talk to. Good Luck!
2007-03-23 11:43:07 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa T (Stop BSL) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of new moms feel this way. They miss the freedom of being able to do what they want and go wherever they want whenever they want to. I miss my old life sometimes but my "new" life with my daughter is much better. Maybe you can have some family members visit you (or visit them) to combat the loneliness or visit a friend. Or get outside and play with your son. Being outside in the fresh air is very therapeutic.
2007-03-23 08:39:38 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am curious of this too. I will be staying at home for awhile and I have been wondering what on earth am I going to do with myself? I'm very active I love sports and I enjoy a night out at the bar every now and then, and I think those days are gone. Well they have already been gone for almost 9 months. :(
Good question on your part, I am interested in the answers too.
2007-03-23 08:53:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't miss it all. Just think of it as a blessing that you get to stay home and raise your son and not someone else. I have to remind myself of that once in a while. I have my days when I think about working again, but I quickly realize that I wouldn't have it any otheer way. To get out, try and find play dates in your area through a church, you don't necessaraly have to be a believe to go to their play dates. Or try a nice park in your town, you may very well find other mothers there who are going through the same thing. That has made all the difference for me. Good luck
2007-03-23 08:39:05 · answer #10 · answered by Kari B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋