dad and step-mom. My daughter had to tell me and she had to tell her coaches at school because she had to quit participating in sports. It seems to me she is the only one with any consequences. I gave them an ultimatum, if they don't tell his parents by this weekend, I will. Am I wrong?????
2007-03-23 08:31:11 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No you are not, you have to protect your daughter and that child that is on the way. If he was man enough to have sex with your daughter, then he is man enough to suffer the consequences.
2007-03-23 08:33:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Not at all. As a matter of fact, you and his parents should talk anyway so plan on seeing them on the weekend. If they already know, all the better. If they don't, then you tell them.
I agree that she has consequences and he doesn't, or so it seems. How old is he? If he is 18 or will be soon, if he's getting out of high school this year, you and your daughter need to make sure that he's paying support for the child.
My sister's daughter got pregnant when she was 15, and the boyfriend's family bought the baby a lot of clothes, but it took a while before the boy started giving her money and buying diapers and food. Don't let him slack off, he needs to provide as much support for the baby as you and your family do.
As a matter of fact, if I had a pregnant daughter who was on my medical insurance, I'd insist that the dad's family pay for her pre-natal care co-pay and other pre-natal out of pocket expenses. You're buying maternity clothes, feeding the two of them, and providing the insurance, they need to do their part. (Well, that or you drop her and have her get insurance for her and the baby under some healthy families initiative, depending on what state you're in, then you split out-of-pocket costs 50-50.)
2007-03-23 08:39:39 · answer #2 · answered by calliope320 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are wrong. But then again it was their mistake and they should have to fact his parents. She had to face you. Did she face you alone? If so then he should have to face his dad alone. It's not her fault she got pregnant, it's both of theirs. From now on everything is 50/50. whether he likes it or not. I think it's kinda funny that most guys dont want to bother with a baby and claim that its his, but that whole anne nicole smith thing has a bunch of men fighting to prove that they are the daddy.
I feel bad for your daughter because her life is pretty much over as far as high school. If the boyfriend was worth a damned he'd tell his father and he would devote himself entirely to his new family. That means quitting sports/after school functions and getting a job or two.
Good luck to you and her. And I hope the boyfriend isn't a jerk.
2007-03-23 09:30:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, but you have to also do a reality check. How often do teenage boys stick around to do the right thing, even if his parents tell him to?
You and your daughter need to sit down and discuss her options. I would make her come to terms with the fact that this boy might not stick around and just move on to the next girl!
A lot of teenage girls seem to think that just because they're having some guys baby that they'll live happily ever after together! WRONG! Get rid of any delusions that she may have out of her head. Start preparing her for the hard long road a head of her, knowledge and support is all you can offer her now!
2007-03-23 08:45:32 · answer #4 · answered by h20bub 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't tell his parents and is still residing at home then he's living a sneaky life. Are his parents mature? They may or may not be of help. Also consider that they are also going to grandparents....only dysfunctional people keep secrets and it ends up making the child feel they weren't good enough if they find out they amounted to a dirty little secret. The parents need to take responsibility and it starts with acknowledging a presence of a life. It's not a dream it's a reality. Good luck to all they will need lots of guidance.
2007-03-23 09:07:55 · answer #5 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm am so sorry to hear that. I think you are handling it very well. His parents need to be notified right away and all of you should sit down and help these kids figure out what to do. They made a huge mistake and they have to deal with the consequences, they will need some tough love but also a lot of support. Especially your daughter, more emotional support than anything else.
2007-03-23 08:35:38 · answer #6 · answered by kittykatmendez 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having been in a similar boat ( I now have a delightful grandson), I can empathize with your predicament. Yes, If the boy won't tell his folks, then you WILL have to - BUT - it might be a very good idea to find out why he hasn't yet done so.
There may well be a specific reason that makes him nervous and I think that it might be important for you to sit him down and try to find out what his problem is beforehand.
Whilst my new son-in-law is a delightful boy, he definitely has problem parents. They refused to pay a penny towards the wedding, and to date have spent virtually nothing on the only grandson who bears their name. They won't come to visit him, but complain constantly if my daughter doesn't take him to their home on a regular basis.
You are going to need to understand the dynamics of the relationship between the boy and his parents if you want to help your daughter. He may well NEED your support (crazy though that may sound) in order to confront his folks.
Look after yourself and be safe
I wish you all well for the future
Sandy
http://www.moms-home-safety.com
2007-03-23 08:51:12 · answer #7 · answered by Sandy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yikes...thats a tough one. First you need to let her decide if she wants to keep it...she's so young, it could ruin her whole life and he sounds like he isn't too mature...are you sure he will stand by her forever. In just five years she could be a single mum with a child at school- her education in tatters and at the baby age of 22. Is that really what you want to happen- if you can answer that...and think that she is capable of raising a child at such a young age, then I think his parents do need to know..as he needs to realise he has to take on a huge responsibility and no one will kick him into shape faster than his parents. But by the sounds of the words you've used in this situation '17' 'dad and step mom' 'coaches' 'school' 'quit' 'participating' and 'consequences' I think you have to really look after your little girl first and make the right choice with her for her. Good luck
2007-03-23 08:41:01 · answer #8 · answered by DS12221 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well what you don't want to do is play the judge and start handing out punishments or consequences. Something of this weight has HUGE consequences emotionally that are not always right on the surface. This is a long lasting choice and will affect both of them in many ways for a LONG TIME. The best thing you can do is be supportive, and patient. Let him work out his own emotional growth and responsibility and allow him to be a grown up about it. It might just be his way to avoid it for a while.....he will have to tell them....it will eat away at him...think about the stress he must be under.....so let him play it out and be a source of wisdom and earn your right to speak into his life. He is now half of your beloved grandchild and you will want to foster something healthy with him.
2007-03-23 08:39:06 · answer #9 · answered by Reese 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As a teenage mother myself it was very hard for me to tell my parents but it wasnt as hard to tell my bf's parents. Even though its not fair the girl in the long run is the one that bares all responsibility of the child. It's not wrong of you to give them an ultimatum because he needs to be responsible now whether or not he likes it because he is now going to be a father....Good luck to your daughter...n whatever u do , do not make her feel that she has thrown her life away...she can still achieve all her dreams and plans that she had before she got pregnant..everyone makes mistakes.
2007-03-23 08:37:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, your not wrong. His parents have a right to know that they have a grandchild on the way. Your daughter has a right to have support from the father of the child. It's not fair that she is giving up so much and he thinks that he doesn't have any responsibilities. He was man enough to make the child, he should be man enough to step up and talk to his parents.
2007-03-23 08:41:05 · answer #11 · answered by sweetgurl13069 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋