She throws things and smacks, she's never seen anybody do things like this but shegets so frustrated when she doesn't get her own way and just kicks off!
What can I do to control it?
2007-03-23 08:12:20 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
ignore them-
she gets attention when she acts like that. it does not matter to her if its good or bad, so i would ignore them and when she sees that she is not getting the attention she wants from you then i think she will stop.
just a thought-i am not expert.
good luck!
2007-03-23 08:21:05 · answer #1 · answered by buzyb 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have an 18 month old son so I've had my fair share of tantrums as well! There is no way you can control an irate 18month old! You need to be firm and consistent but she also needs to know that you're there for her. Tantrums are a scary thing for a toddler - they do not know how to communicate their anger or frustrations any other way. You should never walk away or turn your back on her. Abandoning her at this scary time will only worsen the situation. Instead come down to her level and tell her calmly that you're there for her. Let her know that you understand her anger/frustration. Tell her that smacking and throwing are unacceptable but keep your voice even and calm. You are her rock and she trusts you. Remember that you're the adult and as hard as it can be - keep your cool! Good luck
2007-03-23 11:13:48 · answer #2 · answered by Shaz 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My 21month old did the same things. She did things purposely because she knew she was not allowed, then threw a tantrum when I corrected her. I just sat back and let her go. I let her scream, yell, throw things and make a scene (even if we were out). People sometimes gave me funny looks, but I didn't mind. I felt that this was better than smacking or punishing her (that only hurts them physically and mentally). In about 4 weeks most of it all stopped. Every now and again these tantrums will break out, but they never last long.
2007-03-23 09:33:13 · answer #3 · answered by xjewel903x 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a natural reaction at this age and she is just testing the waters and doesn't understand why she can't have what she wants. Just tell her NO and ignore her, she will cry but don't pander to her as she will then learn this as a way to get attention. Hopefully she will learn quickly and it won't be a major disturbance for you. My son is nearly three now and he throws these tantrums and if there is no reasoning with him I just put him out of the room, ignore him and he soon calms down when he realises the answer is NO. But be reassured that all kids go through it at some point.
2007-03-23 08:23:49 · answer #4 · answered by koolkatt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My twins (now 4) used to do that as well, one of them was especially bad. When it happend I would say in a calm voice 'no throwing' (or 'no hitting' etc) and sit him in a safe place (in our case the settee or the middle of the room worked well) and just ignore him for a few minutes by turning my back and doing something else (or at least pretending to). Usually that was enough to make him calm down. Then I would go back to him, repeat the 'no throwing', then cuddle him, give him a kiss, and distract him with a toy or something and basically pretend it never happened. Sometimes he would get himself into such a state though that he was obviously past being able to calm himself down. In that case I would go back to him anyway, calmly say 'no throwing' or whatever he was doing again, and hold him (cuddle him really but so that he can't simply escape) sitting on my lap facing away from me, and wait for him to calm down. I don't think you can control a tantrum at all, you can only help your child to control the tantrum himself. I found that the tantrums lasted shorter and shorter until they virtually stopped (well, sometimes they still happen but it is really very very rare). :) I certainly still never give in to anything just to stop a tantrum, on the contrary, they now know that a tantrum will result in a definite 'no' for anything, whereas a nice 'please' might turn a 'no' into a 'yes' (sometimes). ;)
2007-03-23 13:34:47 · answer #5 · answered by Andrea 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You make a mistake by using the word "control". Tantrums can not be controlled. And it is not a matter of discipline as some would suggest. They are naturally occuring attempts to explore boundaries. As long as a certain boundary is there and clearly marked, the toddler would eventually give up and move on to another boundary. It looks to us like a game and the toddler being disrespectful, but it is not. The 18mo lacks communication skills and she/he is trying under duress and furstration to communicate with you. The best method to deal with a tantrum, although you do not eliminate the source or the reason for it, is deflection of attention. Have backup activities in your brain that could immediately be implemented and usually tends to distract the toddler long enough for him/her to forget about it, although only temporary. There is no magic formula. Every toddler is different.
2007-03-23 09:31:27 · answer #6 · answered by John Doe 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ignore her, as MumofTwo says, but then you can engage her in a positive activity without breaking the 'ignoring' - for example, if she starts a tantrum, you ignore her, and after a moment or two you can sit down beside a toy and say something like "I wonder if there is anyone who would like to play this with me..." - this way she will probably come over to you, the tantrum is diverted but she doesn't get the impression that she got your attention by throwing the tantrum. I hope this helps!
2007-03-23 08:20:39 · answer #7 · answered by Funky Little Spacegirl 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
it will be a long process, breaking bad habits always is. whatever method of discipline you choose, be sure to stay consistent. if time-outs are your thing stick to it. i was a nanny for two children one 2 yr old and the other was 6mths. the 2 yr old had a few "terrible" moments at first but i was brought up knowing the value of certain items, and all i had to do was take away the privilege of the PlayStation. after 3 weeks if i even heard a whimper and turned towards the den- that was the last thing i would hear. i am currently raising my first. i haven't changed a thing. when my son acts out he loses his blanket. it's that simple. just be the parent and stand your ground, and never fold.
2007-03-23 10:36:55 · answer #8 · answered by lueks mom 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1st of all do not listen to ashann85 - leaving them in room until they stop crying?what if they cried for 2 hours?? they would feel rejected and scared... when toddlers have tantrums they scare themselves and altho they need time out, its only a short time, usually a minute for every year of their life, so a 2 year old would have 2 minutes.
throwing water in their face to calm them down?? thats abusive behaviour and the tactics of an adult who is not completely in control and if i was the mother i'd be horrified. that child is probably mentally scarred now. idiotic woman.
toddlers have tantrums because they lack the ability yet to communicate all their feelings and emotions, and sometimes they dont have a way to express or even name their emotions. it needs to dealt with in an educated manner- they have one warning that if they dont stop screaming/hitting etc it will be time out. then they get time out. if out at shops etc tell them its time out when go home. dont tell them off all the way home tho. when you get there they may have calmed down, so tell them you're very happy that they are behaving nicely now, but it was naughty to hit /scream etc so its quiet time now in bed/on stairs for 2 minutes so they know their actions do have consequences.
never tell them they are bad or naughty, that gives them a label to live up to, tell them their behaviour is bad or naughty.
if having such a 'turn' they are beyond themselves, hugging them facing away from you works for some, but can wind others up, so its trail and error really!
above all, be consistent and get hubby/partner etc to use exactly same method or you wont gain their repsect.
good luck!!
2007-03-25 00:00:21 · answer #9 · answered by hedgewitch 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
let her have her tantrum...just let her cry it out and DO NOT pay any attention to her. Also DO NOT give in and give her what she wants. If you do this, she will always think that throwing a tantrum will get her what she wants...and they will never stop. If you just let them cry them out a few times, they will figure out that it isn't going to work to let them get what they want. My step daughter lived with her mother for the first 2 years of her life and knew that if she threw a fit, she got what she wanted. When my husband and I obtained primary custody of her, she was a spoiled rotten kid and it took probably about two or three months for her to stop her tantrums. When we told her no, and she started throwing a fit, we sent her to her room and shut the door. We wouldn't let her out until she stopped crying and apologized for her actions. If she got too upset and started almost hyper ventilating a bit...I would throw some water in her face to calm her down. After she figured out that throwing a fit didn't get her her way, she really hasn't thrown another one. We do have trouble with her when she comes back from her mom's, but she knows that she has to behave to get what she wants....I hope this helped, it really does work!
2007-03-23 12:46:58 · answer #10 · answered by ashann85 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
nothing! Just leave her to have a tantrum, dont give in when she has finished by giving her the thing she wanted.
Distract her when she has finished throwing a wobbly.
It's all about them learning 'no' means no.
2007-03-25 08:46:03 · answer #11 · answered by LadyDeville 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋