First of all, everyone wants exciting and satisfying sex do they not? I'm currently in the position where I no longer have confidence in my sexual ability, not that it's ever been very high. I split up with my first girlfriend 8 months ago- basically due to the fact that I no longer excited her. She still loved me as I did her, but the physical side of the relationship was lacking. Sex for her was boring and repetitive- we discussed this but I couldn't change. I find it very hard to be flirty as I've been brought up to be respectful. There has never been sexual tension between me and any girls.
I'm very scared of sex- I haven't had sex since we broke up- if I was offered it right now, I would turn it down for fear of not pleasing. This is a sad state of affairs as my desire has faded away- a vicious circle.
Right now I need some time for myself, but in the future I really don't know how I'm going to become sexually active again. I feel broken. Btw i'm 21. Suggestions? :-(
2007-03-23 08:04:28 · 26 answers · asked by pink_ego_box62 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
me too its been 6 years
2007-03-23 08:07:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very difficult situation to find yourself in, because it tends to set you up for failure with the next person you're with. Your anxiety can build to the point where you feel you're doomed to an existence of celibacy--not a cheerful prospect for most of us. I agree that you need some time to get yourself together and think--but not obsess!--about how you will avoid this vicious circle with your next partner.
Examine yourself realistically: did you spend enough time in foreplay? (Most women will emphatically reply NO! lol) Did you tune into what your partner found pleasing or were you more focused on doing what you "thought" should please her? And have you considered that maybe the problem isn't with you and your technique? Maybe your partner had issues that she didn't communicate to you. And maybe the two of you simply weren't sexually compatible.
What you have to remember in all of this is that your next partner is a new individual with a unique personality and that she just possibly might find your technique to be the most mind-blowing she's ever encountered.
You should be encouraged simply by the fact that you're willing to work to improve. And remember, what you see on television and in movies bears little resemblance to real life. Many people don't immediately find sex beyond improvement when they take a new partner. Relax and allow yourself some time to play together with your next partner to learn what you find mutually pleasing.
Read some books. Explore being not only be sexual but sensual as well. Have some sessions with a licensed sex therapist if this problem has you really overwhelmed. And one other thing you might consider: if you're going to be physically intimate, be emotionally intimate as well. Let your partner know that you are concerned because of a previous relationship. Ask her to guide you so you'll know how you can best please her. She'll probably be more than happy to tell you, and you just may find that this problem slips away to a distant memory. Good luck!
2007-03-23 08:38:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st of all I applaud you for asking this sensitive question
You must understand that this x girlfriend may not match your sexuality...very very common...Just cause you both can have sex doesn't always mean satisfaction...Please don't let this bother you, you are very young and still have a lot to learn about sex....Not everybody has the same needs... To build your confidence back up why don't you get some books or videos on sex (and I don't mean pornos) and find a great girl that plays like you do. I know a mans' ego plays a lot into sex.
2007-03-23 08:22:03 · answer #3 · answered by laura seeks the Kwisatz Haderach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing. I'm really sorry for you. But I know you don't want pity, and believe me it's not pity, it's sympathy. As a man it's really a sign that you are sensitive that you are even interested in pleasing a woman. A lot of guys don't even care and are in it only for themselves. I think you should seriously consider masturbation. It will teach you something about your own body and help you to build up stamina for longevity. Also watch a little pornography. Along with being stimulating, you can learn a lot from them. I actually learned to masturbate from watching a porn star do it as she gave explicit instructions. Finally, let me say to you that sex takes two, and you aren't in it by yourself. Your partner had something to do with the lackluster sex you had as well. I believe that inexperienced girls tend to want the man to be more experienced in bed than she is. Maybe you should consider older women. At any rate, I wish you luck, and don't be so hard on yourself. Sex should be fun, relax!
2007-03-23 08:13:46 · answer #4 · answered by sustasue 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-19 10:55:34 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all she didn't love you or she would of helped with the situation of sex between you.Did you feel inadequate because she made you feel bad and said hurtful things.Your right to wait for a while but please don't be afraid of it.Sex can be a wonderful thing when you have a loving partner.Don't let a hurtful girl hinder your sexuality...anyone can be great in bed with a little time a sweet and loving touch...GOOD LUCK
2007-03-23 08:18:02 · answer #6 · answered by Dodgegirl62 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to sound awful but...
Get drunk and bang any chick that'll take it. You won't care because you'll be drunk, and it'll get some confidence back.
Either that, or get a prostitute. A good prostitute will make you believe you're blowing her mind no matter what you're doing. You also know that they know how to have sex better than some dumb broad whose idea of sex is dreaming about buying things with your credit card while she's limp on her back.
Not the skank for 80 bucks on the street either. Find a classy "escort."
Not everyone's cup of tea, though.
2007-03-23 08:10:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sweety.sweety.sweety. O.k. zits hard for me to explain since your not looking at me,but i'll try. Don't give up sex, it is so powerful and excilerating.You just gotta know your limits. Girls like passion one night, ;romance the next, and pull my hair cuff me to the bedand rip my cloths off the next. You have to know the difference and work the difference. Its not that you were raised proper thats just an excuse. Its b/c your not satisfied with yourself. Find you someone you really like and when you do take my advice lover boy!!!!!!
2007-03-23 08:15:16 · answer #8 · answered by jesakah_myers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not going to get any better by not trying. Besides, life isn't about sex, there are other aspects to a relationship. Just keep trying, eventually you will get into the swing of things and if not, who cares? There are other things you can do besides have sex.
2007-03-23 08:12:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey just hang in there, 21 is too early to really be saying much.. Trust me after the physical aspects of my relationships, I think the real thing is in actually just being there for your girl, unless you're dating a slut who's just in it for the sex. You know people turn attractive when you get to know them.. Really, it works.. You're gonna be just fine, sounds to me like you're a nice guy! Just hang in there, you're young and you have a long way to go when it comes to girls! Btw, I'm 21 too.. :)
2007-03-23 08:11:50 · answer #10 · answered by Freakazoid 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask the people here. They are just some random people. Some of them say something just to say it. Go to a professional! If you are embarrassed to see a psychologist or lack money, I recommend you talk to this counselor here: www.thebestonlineadvice.com Just an e-mail and she can tell you exactly what to do. My husband tried her when he had lack of self-esteem issues and she helped him. She charges 3 times less than others, but is also 3 times more professional. Good luck!
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2007-03-23 08:17:16 · answer #11 · answered by Megan C 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋