There's this guy I really love. I fell in love with him unexpectedly - he's cute and all that and I knew that from wayback but I wasn't going crazy about him. I met him two months ago after not seeing for six years. We started calling each other often and he told me he had a crush on me from way back. That took me by suprise but for a personal reason i told him we couldn't be together. But then after talking to him he continued tellingme how he felt about me and i kept telling him - it on't work. But then i started to really fall for this guy.
After one month he told me that he found this girl that he liked since high school and that they are together.
Now he's saying that he loves both of us. I shouldn't care right ? but i do because i can't stop thinking about him and we talk for hours and i keep holding on to something that's not there. I know i should just forget about him but he's everything i ever dreamed of - how do i stop feeling crazy about him?
2007-03-23 07:18:50 · 18 answers · asked by bre l 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he knows of my feelings. if it's not love - why do i feel this way - i've never felt this way before. i told him to choose. he says there are certain qualities he likes about me and.......her. i know i should get out of the situation but it's the way i feel that's holding me back - am trying but it's hard
2007-03-23 07:35:22 · update #1
if he doesn't really love me - why doesn't he just leave me alone?
2007-03-23 07:42:14 · update #2
Is it possible for him to love you and another person at the same time? Absolutely. His feelings, his desires, his intentions and his actions can all be equally strong for two or even more people at once. But I think the question you're really asking here though is whether you can engage in a satisfying relationship with this person.
Obviously, you have strong feelings for him--strong enough that you are considering an alternative to a conventional one-on-one relationship (else why would you be asking the question here?) Unfortunately, monogamous relationships are complex enough in their own right and the complexity grows at an exponential rate with each additional person added to the mix.
Polyamory is not only possible, it is a viable alternative for some people--but it takes a healthy supply of maturity and self-esteem from all parties involved for it to work for an extended period of time. It also takes a balanced mix of needs and priorities, and an ongoing readiness for self-sacrifice and a conscious exercise of respect for the others in the relationship. Above all, it takes a lot of communication. Without those elements, there is a great likelihood that the relationship will degenerate because someone gets jealous or feels shortchanged.
My unprofessional five minute analysis of your question tells me you're not in that minority of the population who can make it work. I think the most telling statement is that you feel you are "holding on to something that's not there".
I also suspect that this guy, although he may truly love both you and his friend from high school, probably isn't going to make the sustained effort it would take for a polyamorous relationship to work.
I think you'll probably do best to accept that you have strong feelings for him but to temper those feelings with some pragmatism and to keep your eyes open instead for someone else who inspires such feelings within you.
If you just can't let go, though, then maybe the three of you should get together and talk things out--with much respect! If the three of you can come to an agreement, great. If not, again I say move on. And if you still can't let go, then do what so many others would do in that situation: set your heels and sink your claws and do your best to win him over exclusively to you. Just remember that in doing so, someone will probably get hurt. Maybe you. Maybe everyone. And after the dust settles and he's with you, remember that she may be just as determined and that there are no guarantees in matters of the heart. Good luck and be well!
2007-03-23 08:03:19 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move On! This Guy Seems To Not Want To Say Anything To Hurt Your Feelings! This Guy Really Likes/Loves The Other Girl Or He Would Be With You! Go Places That Have Alot Of People Where The People Communicate Such As Church Or Volunteer Some Place Such As A Hospital!
2007-03-23 14:27:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't change your emotions you can only try to handle them.
When you like someone and then he tells you that he's found someone else I think a part of you is hurt. Some of us end up wanting him more,,,like a piece of chocolate we shouldn't have but we can't stop ourselves.
If a guy tells you if he loves you both. He is delusional or trying to keep both of you so he can have his cake and eat it too.
Obviously, he doesn't know what love is. It is a total committment to one person. He is "in like" with you both.
He's also immature and not worth all your worrying.
It will hurt but move on. Is that what you were hoping to hear?
If not, then I'm sorry. You can always confront him and have him make a choice. But...you might not get the answer you want. Just know your options
Good luck
2007-03-23 14:26:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he says that he loves u, he probably means as a fren! or maybe he loves the girl as a fren becuz he has known u longer from way back! i dont think i can see myself loving 2 guys at once! but just go with what u think is best 4 u! if u dont like it that he loves both of u at the same time, then talk 2 him about him! tell him that if he really loves u then he would come clean about who he really cares about! becuz love is not just sumthing u can fool around with! love is like a flame that burns u when its hot! so dont make a mistake and let him keep loving u! he has to choose sum1!!!!
2007-03-23 14:32:00 · answer #4 · answered by smith_kallissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't stop feeling crazy about him. You should tell him how you feel face to face. but if that would be to hard try to do that through a letter or e-mail.
And i think you can love two people at the same time. But he might love one of you more so you have to find out and quick!
Good Luck
=]]
2007-03-23 14:24:18 · answer #5 · answered by tay tay 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is probably just gonna take some time. But bringin' a stop to the regular communication will help you get over the situation. Maybe you don't have to stop entirely or maybe you will but if you continue to talk to him regularly, it is hard to ever start the process. You don't wanna share anyone anyway.
2007-03-23 14:23:54 · answer #6 · answered by Girly-Girl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No guy who truly loves you would love someone else thats is bull crap!
Maybe he likes another one but he loves one, thats the only thing that is possible.. that way he can keep both by saying he loves the two of you.
Tell him to **** off and let him free so he can be happy with the other girl.. this really works.. he'l want to break up with the other girl and be with you.
Thats a good way to solve this problem. point
2007-03-23 14:23:48 · answer #7 · answered by c♥♥kie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes you can. I have had it happen before. That said, in the end you have to choose. I would wait around too long as his fall back girl if I were you. Tell him to make a choice. If he doesn't choose you, better to know now and move on.
2007-03-23 14:22:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A.) You can love more than one person at one time. He can love the other girl, but is he in love with her? Is he in love with you? Are you in love with him?
B.) If you love him, tell him. Don't let the one you love slip through your fingertips.
C.) Ya'll went this far without being together, and you re-united, who knows what the future will bring.
2007-03-23 14:26:18 · answer #9 · answered by JennieD 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Everything you ever dreamed of? Did the guy in your dreams tell you he loves you AND another woman? Doubt it. This isn't love. Be honest with yourself and face this for what it is.
2007-03-23 14:24:05 · answer #10 · answered by Maudie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋