Are misbehaving children always the parents' fault?

Question

It seems to me that behind every schoolyard bully or vandal there is an enabling parent who either encourages or defends the behavior or who is in denial about it. And violent children and teens seem to have violent parents who are handy with a paddle, belt or fist.

I know there are some medical conditions where kids just act out every impulse that pops into their brains, but aside from that, bad kids just don't come from good homes, do they? I've heard interviews with parents that insist they've never done anything wrong and can't explain their child's behavior, but I can't help feeling that anyone seeing the family in action would have a different opinion.

What do you think?

I think RoxieCat is on to something. Simple neglect seems to be a big factor in "acting out", too.

Carly's answer reminds me that many parents treat all their kids alike, like the're all "clones," instead of acknowledging that different kids have different needs and require different amounts and kinds of attention, even in the same family.

Answer 1

Most times i would say yes...and that does not mean that the parents teach the kid to act that way...it could just be that the parent is so busy with their life they aren't giving the kid the attention he/she needs.....bullying is a form of getting attention and respect...so to speak from others...

Answer 2

I've been a teacher for several years in the public school system ( USA). During parent conferences, 1 out of 4 parents are in complete denial about their child. They just cannot believe their little darling would say or do the things he/she did. Even when that child is caught red handed , the parent insists it is the school's fault.

But, I have also taught chikdren from the same family. Very solid, moral, hardworking parents. Two of three of their children were mini models of these great parents. And then for whatever reason, the other child is a true hellion. The parents look for answers from the school because they are truly exasperated. Each child in the family was well treated and loved.
We have all heard of the "terrible twos", but parents need to very aware of their children during the middle school years. They are so impressionable, and this is often when drug abuse and sexual activity begins. If ever there is a time for vigilance, it is the early teen years.

Answer 3

Some childrens behavour is caused by the Parents.
Some arn't disiplined enough on their children or the Parents have a bad attitude, and then is therefor passed on.

However, it is not always the parents fault..

I am at 14 Years old and at Secondary School(Year9) And i know most of the kids encourage other people to misberhave
If you get good grades, and are actully a good and nice person you are conciderd a 'Neek' Too many children these days are too intrested in trying to look cool infront of the rest of the school and friends rather than getting a good education like the rest of us. I know my dads got a hell of a attidude.. And takes it out on me sometimes.. But i do not go the same way as him, I dont want to be part of these 'Cool group'

Answer 4

It's not always parents who are violent or abusive that end up with rotten kids, it's also parents who don't discipline and want to be their child's best friend. I haven't worked with enough older children to speak on that front, but I have worked with many young children and can certainly speak from experience. In my last class I had two children who were very disrespectful, very mean to other children and were often violent with peers and teachers. One of the children came from a single parent home(and no I don't believe that was the problem) where the mother just didn't pay any attention to him. She would pick him up everyday from school while talking on her cell phone...and I mean every day. She refused to listen when we called meetings to discuss his behavior and just believed he was a "spirited" kid. This child threw chairs across the room and would go into a rage and hit anyone in his way. The mother never disciplined him. The other child had many people who loved him, yet catered to his every whim. He would get in "trouble" and their discipline was taking away one train from his collection of 25. We also tried talking to this family to no avail. Both children were asked to leave the school before the end of the year.

I'm not saying that beating children is a way of instilling discipline, but there are two extremes, as parents we need to find the middle ground.

Answer 5

I don't think all children misbehaving can be blamed on the parents. There are lots of parents that do their best and even have other kids that are perfectly well behaved and still end up with a child that doesn't. I think when you see small children misbehaving it is more reasonable to blame the parents. Older kids and teenagers are exposed to a lot more factors that can contribute to their change in behavior. Drugs and alcohol are a major factor in delinquency and kids are starting younger and younger it seems like.
Anyway, I would have to say that no, you can not always blame the parents for children misbehaving.

Answer 6

I don't even believe that in every situation that it is the parents fault. Some other kids now a days a bullies and have problems, yes, it could be from their parents. But the way kids are in schools could have a big impact on how other kids are. Such as bullies making friends with someone else who isnt that bad and then that kid wants to fit in. Parent should be a little bit more involved and making sure that their kids arent getting into trouble.

I dont think its fair though that everyone points the finger at parents when a lot of times parents try as hard as they can to be good parents. Why not just point the finger at society, at governments and their pointless wars that are breaking families and hurting kids, or at teachers who treat students like crap? why is it always the parents?

Answer 7

In a way thats true but not always. Every child is born with their own character some strong, sensitive etc. Although, the parents help form the child's character. I have two children and they are both very different in character. I would say they are very opposite. My youngest is a girl and I think I will need to pay more attention to her. She is only two and has a very strong character, attitude and seems to fight back. I am very down to earth.

Although, in most cases the child is what the parents are.

Answer 8

Well look at the Menendez boys. They had everything in the world and still murdered their parents. Kids learn from what we teach them, not just as parents, but what they pick up from other kids and older adults. A lot of people blame behavior on video games, music etc. We can blame almost anything, but I still believe that early intervention with a child problem would lie with the parent.

Answer 9

Yes and No! Yes for smaller children who are just misbehaving then the parents need to do something but when your child reaches 12, 14, 17 years old then no. By that time they should know better and they do know better for the most part. They know they are being rebellious and disobedient or absolutely criminal. They do know they are doing wrong which means Mom and Dad did their job.

Answer 10

Well im 15 and all my school years... alot of the time kids are influenced by their parents or their friends.. Alot of times problems do start at home and with their family life.. The ones where there family is not the problem , it is usually because of their friends.. Almost like a peer-pressure thing where it is.. Be like me or your not accepted..
I know because i was bullied for years... my old gradeschool was horrible but now im in highschool and things are much different