I understand bridesmaids are supposed to help alot but this is ridiculas!! She lives a few hours away from here and is having 2 of everything,2 showers,2 engagment parties,2 bachelorette partys! And she expects us to attend and pay for just about everything.I wish I never agreed to be in her wedding but its way too late to back out now.On top of all this i have to here her gripe and complain about everything not going the way she wants,what do i do?
2007-03-23 06:49:15 · 17 answers · asked by nyc88m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Tell her you will be glad to attend but you cannot afford to pay for it...plain and simple. If she is really your friend she will understand and get over it.
2007-03-23 06:52:44 · answer #1 · answered by brazilian76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally when a bride has more than one shower or party of any type it's as a convienence to those guests who cannot make the "originally" planned event. I've never known a bride to expect her wedding party and all guests to attend both! Tell her which one you will be at and go all out and help her make it great! As far as the other events go, you can help her address invitations but you do not have to attend! If things are getting overwhelming...have a meeting with the other bridesmaids and "divy" out the responsibilities so that not one of you is doing it all then give your friend the list and explain that since you are all busy and have a lot going on right now, that this is a list of who she can count on for what. Other than that, let it go....when she complains ..tune her out if she gets carried away! It's not worth ruining a friendship over!
2007-03-23 16:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation. I was the maid of honor for someone who lived 4 1/2 hours away. She had 3 bridal showers (1 given by me) that I had to attend, a bachelorette weekend 2 hours away that I had to pay my portion of, and her wedding was 5 hours away (not where she lived). On top of that, she talked to me about everyone else in the wedding party and how they didn't want to attend every event. But, I looked at my job as maid of honor in the best possible way and did what she wanted as much as I could. Some brides are more into having doubles of everything to include every friend and family member they can. They love the stuff that leads up to a wedding and want to get the most out of it. So, just do what you are able to do and let her know if financially or time-wise you are unable to do something. She will understand. She asked you to be her bridesmaid because she considers you a friend. Just let her know that you are very happy for her and are honored that she wants you to be included in all the events leading up to her wedding, but financially you can't attend everything. Hopefully she will understand. Keep in mind that she has a lot of other things on her plate planning for the wedding though, so she may not be in the mood to compromise :) Just do what you can. The friend I was a maid of honor for is currently a maid of honor for me and she couldn't be doing a better job. She appreciated all the time and money I spent for her wedding and is paying me back, plus some. Just have fun with it and keep in mind what not to do to your bridesmaids, if you aren't married yet :)
2007-03-23 14:01:09 · answer #3 · answered by jennyss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my first question is why two engagement parties? is she letting all this go to her head?
i can understand more than one shower, if her friends want to throw her a shower or two thats cool.
as a bridesmaid you are pretty much obligated to attend the showers and engagement parties. but bachelorette party? one is bad enough - two is ridiculous.
gift wise - again you are pretty much stuck with having to produce a gift for each shower. but something small and inexpensive would be sufficient. or go in with a group of people to buy one big gift.
sadly being a bridesmaid is always pitched as being a big honor, while in fact, it is a big financial expense, and a bigger headache! all you can do at this point is grin and bear it.
if she gets too over the top with attitude you may have to tell her to chill!
good luck! and next time 'just say no'
2007-03-23 14:04:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might be a novel idea but if you are a good enough friend to be a bridesmaid just talk to her especially about the $$$$ part and skip some of the festivities.
If you are not that good of a friend then speak up and get out of the wedding except as a guest.
Either way...speak up
2007-03-23 13:53:30 · answer #5 · answered by lilygateau 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she needs a serious reality check here. Sit her down and in a very calm, friendly way, tell her that you're feeling overwhelmed and that while you want to help make her day as special as possible, you're feeling a bit too much pressure. She may be so focused on the wedding itself that she's failing t realize what an enormous strain she's putting on her friends and family. Are the other bridesmaids feeling the same way? If so, talk to them and perhaps you could enlist one of them to help you talk to her. Just be careful not to insult her. Her emotions are probably running high right now, so she could be quick to assume that you're coming down too hard on her. But if you really feel like she's asking too much of you all, step up and say so. It's her wedding and her special day, which I'm sure you feel honored to be a part of, but you shouldn't have to break the bank to please her.
Good luck!
2007-03-23 13:56:15 · answer #6 · answered by OhKatie! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well Pay for the stuff where you are. Just listen to her,she is nervous and doesn't want her wedding to be a disaster. Re insure her that everything will be beautiful and that you have your own life also to worry about so You won't be attending both events just the one closes to you. She is leaning on you, so she has to except how you feel,or get someone else,which she most likely won't do. Good luck and just listen to her worries about the wedding.
2007-03-23 13:58:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do NOT have to attend everything. An engagement party is totally optional. It would be nice for you to attend one shower, and one bachelorette party.
2007-03-24 07:41:30 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just listen and be a calm presence for her. You do not have to attend all the showers. Choose the one where you think it's most important that you attend; and simply tell her you're unable to attend the other one.
2007-03-23 13:57:23 · answer #9 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send a card of condolence to the Groom.
032307 12:56
2007-03-23 13:56:29 · answer #10 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. My friend is to some degree the same way. You need to sit her down and tell her that she is being ridiculous. After the wedding you probably won't even want to be friends with her. I am in the same boat...good luck!
2007-03-23 18:07:07 · answer #11 · answered by Annie Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋