I was in a relationship with a girl for 4+ years. We had a great time, but towards the end it seemed to be really tough. I am in the military and I was away from home for training, (This was in February of last year.) and was a few weeks of returning home when she decided to end our relationship OVER THE PHONE. The entire conversation was her saying "I think I want to be single right now." This was after a 3 year engagement, and some great times.
Now I am here, far away from her, the state, even a different time zone, but there is hardly a day that goes by without me thinking of her in some way. It's really distracting and disturbing. I try to talk with other women here, but I have no stories of the past few years of my life that don't involve her. I know that women don't want to hear about ex's because then they think they're just a rebound girl.
What will it take to get over her?
2007-03-23 06:34:31 · 19 answers · asked by jp_pablo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You will get over her ...eventually it takes time though..so be patient but try not to spend time thinking about her because you will end up depressed.
2007-03-31 00:18:13 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time
It is hard to be in a relationship long distance, more so if you involved in the military. Im's sure you could understand why she finally had to call it off it gets to hard, a woman needs the emotional and physicall suport more then what you could have given her.
What makes it harder on you was when you leave your home town family and friends, coming back each time things change - friends grow apart, get married, move away, - so every time you come home you loose that sense of "home" other then your family still being there - the atmoshpere and you cirlce of friends gets smaller, and less and less how it was when you first left. She was the one thing that you could cling to that made it OK, and now that it is gone you start feeling the pain and emptiness, because now you would have done some things differently.
But you will move on eventually, and a woman who is mature enough to understand you and what you have been through should understand in getting to know you, she gets to know a part of your past, and should understand you enough to know that you might need to VENT and get some of those feelings off your chest, it is normal.
And NO women don't like hearing about other woman but your past is your past, you learn from your past, and sometimes change, getting to know your past helps people understand who you are and why.
THe ONLY thing you need to be mindfull of is
how you talk about your ex, and why your bringing it up,
if it is just to open up so the new girl can understand you - then it should be all good- ,
BUT if you talk about it in a way that makes the new girl feeel you are comparing her to your ex - that won't be good-
But be yourself, and give yourself time, when your ready to move you will, it just happens without thinking about it.
2007-03-31 02:23:44 · answer #2 · answered by Dianna R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate that this has happened to you as it does
sometimes. It is a good thing you found out she wasn't totally
committed to you now, rather than finding out later on down
the road she was unfaithful to you. It really didn't have
anything to do with the fact that you are in tha Military and
she was alone. My boyfriend and I see each other every 4-5
weeks because he works out of town, sometimes 1000's
of miles away. I have no desire to look elsewhere, because
I talk to him daily and every night before we go to sleep.
He is all I want and need and I am excited when I know he's
on his way home. It is a matter of trust.
No excuse for what happened to you.
I wish you the best of luck, don't hurry into anything- take your time.
2007-03-31 01:27:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is very pain full feeling but as e very one says time time will heel everything. One thing she is the most cruel human being that there is the way that she ended on the phone. Well I can say a lot of things she is bad she is this and that none will help you right at this time. every time that you remembering her try to pull one hair from your head, im joking
dint do that. LOL. Just hang in their don't you dare get distracted you can not afford to do that. Your life is much much impotent right at this time. You will find some one maybe tomorrow maybe 3 months from now and she will love you for who you are. At the beginning you will not trust any one because you hurt got stomp on. As i said just hang in there. That's relay all you can do. When the second that you think you remembering her try to do something else, keep you self busy. If you can read books, or what ever.
Love is there it just take some time.
Take care of yourself and come home safe.
2007-03-30 22:23:27 · answer #4 · answered by not fair 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Time. Time. Time. Time.
It won't be as quick as you'd like. But it won't take as long as you fear.
It's easy to think about a person or a problem all the time if it really bothers you. But you can help yourself by looking at the clock and trying to keep track of all the time you spend NOT thinking about her. If you are doing something that requires some concentration, you won't be thinking about her. Let that have some momentum. Congratulate yourself when you realize, 'Wow, it's been a half-hour and I haven't thought about her.' Eventually, the time will start to add up and when you realize that, it will be like seeing the sun rise on a new day - because you'll know for certain that she won't be in your thoughts all the time.
Then you can really enjoy those moments when you face new people and consider dating.
People go through this process when they are grieving. You never want to forget the person you lost but they seem to have taken over your thoughts and then slowly, you realize that they have been leaving your thoughts. Then you realize you haven't thought about them in awhile and you actually have to try to keep them around in your thoughts (I keep my deceased relatives in my thoughts that way by praying for them before I go to sleep).
It does happen, naturally. It will happen for you, too. That's why it's such a mistake to NOT move on and date other people when a relationship is over - because this natural process is going to happen so let it!
2007-03-31 02:02:40 · answer #5 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try getting "I want a divorce" through a text message!
I know your life has alot of her in it and it will take time to get over. Start making friends and see where it goes from there. You have been in the military and I am sure have seen and experienced many things already. Talk about personal interests and dreams of the future. You will be ok. Good luck!
Time is the only thing that will help you get over her.
2007-03-23 06:41:37 · answer #6 · answered by supergoober 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't understand why you simply can't just date. Obviously your military career is top priority right now. You surely don't blame her for being tired of waiting after sticking it out for 3 years. Until you are free to have a real relationship stop looking for a girlfriend. I am sure this is hard for her too. If I were you I would simply send her a letter every two weeks, tell her what you are doing (do not tell her about the dates you go on) simply keep it short and friendly but not mushy.
How much longer are you in for? She may be still around after you get out and are ready to have a real relationship.
2007-03-23 06:42:41 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
TIME.
She's still on ur mind b'cuz you weren't /aren't ready to move on in ur life. You haven't closed that chapter of ur life yet. With 3 yrs in a relationship/engagement included shows you were committed to having a life w/ her. She ended it over the phone, shows that she wasn't as committed to u as u were to her. Just b-4 u were to come home, she couldn't/didn't wait to be face to face w/ you (for whatever her reason). All this shows was a lack of respect...respect to show by action or deed concern/care. She did you a great favor.... by making room in ur life for a great love..a true love.
2007-03-31 06:34:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will take a long time to get over her! you really loved this girl and she broke your heart over the phone! she didn't even have balls enough to tell you in person! I'm really sorry and i hope you move on soon. i promise there will be other girls!!! I'm sure you are very attractive and someone is going to fall in love with you and you will love her just as much as the other girl, maybe even more! hope everything works out!
2007-03-31 04:10:11 · answer #9 · answered by raven 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dnt worry...gurls r ze most stupid creatures on earth...well 90%..
Just leave her alone...u said zat u spend 4 year 2gether..n i dnt think she'l 4get zat too easily.. when she'l b alone, she'l b surely thinking abt these things u had 2gether...so give her sme time, n wait...n pray 4 ur love..am sure ul get a positive answer :-) wish u luck!!
2007-03-31 01:59:15 · answer #10 · answered by shidan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋